A Wolf Among Men
by peacefulsands
Summary: A Mission goes wrong, the team live to fight another day, but the consequences stay with them.
1. Guarded

Title : **A Wolf Among Men**

Fandom: The Losers

Pairing : Eventual Jensen/Cougar

Rating : R (for violence and swearing)

Word Count : approx. 6,550 words this chapter/ 64,500 total

Summary : A Mission goes wrong, the team live to fight another day, but the consequences stay with them.

Written for the Losers_Minibang prompt of Werewolf!AU. Maybe the boys were on a mission somewhere nasty and got bitten? How does this affect the dynamics? How does this change their behavior? And what about Aisha? Cougar/Jensen would be nice, but I'm not picky. Prompter: snowdarkred

Thanks must go to shotboxer for her help as beta and as Spanish translator. I really appreciated all her help with this.

Thanks also to M, H, MC who prodded and poked so I didn't give up hope of ever finishing (after all it's not quite the minibang I set out to write!)

* * *

**Chapter 1 – Guarded**

_"It takes twenty years or more of peace to make a man; it takes only twenty seconds of war to destroy him." Badouin I (Belgian King)_

Jensen slid back to rest against the cold, stone wall as he carefully edged his way down the corridor. Lit candles lined the walls, leaving pockets of darkness for him to hide in. "Tight fucking bastard . . . I know he's got electricity, so why the fuck didn't he install some proper lighting in this place!" he grumbled through the comms.

"Jensen! Keep your focus and don't under any circumstances draw attention to yourself!" Clay insisted from his location trying to head into the dungeons to rescue the captive American journalist with Roque. "We need you to find that information quickly and get out undetected because we can't get you and the journo out. We're counting on you to take care of yourself and remember, there's no Cougar watching your back until you're outside the building."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Even Cougs can't see through four feet of solid stone! Maybe we should get you a superpower, Cougs. What do you think? Super Coug! He can see through walls and has the weaponry to penetrate solid steel? Good idea? . . . Somebody in the higher ups should get on to that . . . you know like in the X-men or something . . . not that that turned out very well, did it? I mean Logan and that other guy turned on them and wiped most of them out. Hmmm, mind you, I don't know that I'd want them to be experimenting on our Cougar and giving him special powers, he's already got a spidey sense for trouble and he's got his hat so he doesn't need anything else . . . that would just be overkill, working the part to death, don't you think?"

The combined growls of "Jensen!" that distinctly sounded like at least three of his four team-mates left Jensen sighing, "Hey, it was just a thought, no need to be like that . . . Pooch agrees with me, don't you, Pooch?"

"Concentrate, Jensen," came Pooch's half laughed reply. "No point in letting anyone know you're there before we have to."

"Grumble, grumble, grouch, that's all you people do. If I was quiet all the time, you'd miss me, you know. You wouldn't know that everything was okay on my end of the –" Jensen went suddenly quiet. He waited a beat, two, three, four and then continued, "See! At least if I'm speaking you know I'm okay when you can't see me. There is a point to my talk, I'm not just rambling inanely, you know."

"That's a point I could debate later," Roque grunted. "Now if you want to keep your teeth all the way back to U.S. soil, shut the fuck up, so the rest of us can concentrate!"

Jensen went quiet and proceeded along the corridor without saying anything, above the odd murmur to himself that his team-mates were more than used to ignoring, until he found the room he was looking for. "Location reached," he said a fraction louder. "Objective in sight." He remained quiet as he worked, just the occasional, "Come on, come on, baby girl, come to papa," to break the silence. It was quiet enough that the rest of the team could ignore it, used to tuning out the sounds of Jensen muttering sweet nothings as he tinkered with anything technical that stayed still long enough for him to take apart.

* * *

There was the sound of a howl in the distance, followed by a muttered, "Odio ese sonido"(1) from Cougar.

"With you there, brother," Pooch agreed quietly. "You okay up there, it's not like actually stalking you or anything, is it?"

"No, I am fine. It is nearer the castle. Clay, you will all need to be careful on exiting. I cannot be sure where the wolf is – I think I have heard only one, but it is difficult to be sure."

"Roger that. Is Jensen going to be alright getting out, can you tell?"

"He should be fine. I am watching for him."

"I know you're all missing me and I know you'll all love to hear this . . . Objective achieved, exit commenced," Jensen chirped cheerily through the comms. There was another howl, one that could be heard not only outside as it echoed round the grounds of the eerie castle, but also through their comms and it was closely followed by a quiet, "Oh Fuck!"

"Jensen, report?" Clay snapped.

"Um . . . you know that wolf that Cougar thought was _outside _the castle . . . well I think, maybe it's actually inside. . ." Jensen said quietly. "And I think it might just be blocking the exit route I was supposed to take and well, to be honest, I don't think I want to get too close to be absolutely certain of that fact because I have a feeling that might draw its attention this way and let's be honest here, guys, we've been camping in the woods for a week with minimal facilities . . . I'm not entirely convinced that I don't smell bad enough to attract a wolf from two floors up, let alone close enough for eye-contact." The sound of Jensen running down a corridor accompanied by a steady gush of air as he breathed was all they heard for a while.

The next break in comm. silence was for Roque to announce that he, Clay and the journalist were now outside and heading for the pickup point. "Jensen, report!" Clay snapped as he and Roque dragged the journalist along with them, already in sight of Pooch. "Are you outside the building yet?"

"Not yet, no! That's a negative!" Jensen panted, the sound of feet on stairs accompanying his answers. "Heading upward. Had a little difficulty finding my way past the wolf. It, uh, it moves pretty fast and it's pretty stealthy too. Saving breath now though, gonna shut up and run as . . . um . . . the wolf kind of . . . um . . . well, yeah pretty much definitely, actually has my scent."

"Shit! That's all we need. What are they doing with fucking wolves roaming the castle?" Clay growled. "Jensen, as soon as you can, give us a location so we can get on to working out retrieval, but just keep moving."

"Yessir! Great idea!" Jensen rounded another corner and came in sight of a set of spiral stairs. He dashed desperately for them and began to run upward again. "Tower, spiral stairs, south side – not sure whether it's east or west corner, I got kind of turned around inside. Heading up, hoping the stairs will slow that fucking wolf down. Motherfucker!"

"Jensen! No! There's no way out – the towers only have one flight of stairs. You're gonna get stuck up there!" Clay shouted.

"Uh, yeah, worked that out already, but it's okay, seriously I have a plan, I just need a bit of time, that's all. Wolfy hopefully won't manage the spiral stairs."

He barely had time to register the expletives that were his team-mates' replies as he pounded up the stairs. "Bit further, just a bit further, keep going, keep going," he panted to himself. "Slow down, you fucker!" he muttered louder as he heard the wolf scrabbling up the stairs behind him, grateful that it did seem to be having more difficulty managing the spiral stairs than it had the earlier straight set that he had dashed up.

"Yes!" he gasped as he saw ahead of him just what he'd been hoping for. He dashed straight into the room, turning frantically and shoving the heavy door closed behind him and dragging the sofa in front of it just before he heard the thud of the wolf's body hitting it. "Shit!"

"Jensen, report! Report! Damn you, report!" Clay shouted almost hysterically.

"'S okay, Colonel,'s okay. I've got room to breathe and I'll be on my way just as soon as I – Fuck!" Jensen fell silent as the door shook with the impact of something from the other side. "Okay, moving that up, I'll be coming out the window just as soon as I can get my gear attached!"

"You're exiting via the window?" Clay snapped back.

"Yes sir! Good thing I packed my gear, I guess. Leaving in three, two, one . . . oh, tah mah duh hwoon dahn!"( Mother humping son of a bitch - firefly) Jensen hurled himself through the window as the sofa began to shift with the power of impact from the other side and the door began to open inch by inch.

* * *

"Roque! Roque!" Clay shouted as he found himself suddenly bearing the weight of the journalist alone on the struggle to meet Pooch, his second in command already sprinting back towards the main castle complex. "Fuck this, does nobody listen to my orders?"

"Cougar! Cougar, do you have visual? I repeat do you have visual on Jensen?" Roque called as he ran back towards the castle's south towers.

"No. Moving to new position in sight of both towers now. No visuals available. Fuck!" The sound of Cougar's footsteps crunching over branches as he dashed through the undergrowth echoed loud and clear through the comms along with his almost under the breath insistences to himself, "Apurro, apurro." (2)

"Roque, Cougar, keep me updated. Jensen, if you can, tell me your position. Target and I have now reached rendez-vous and are able to be en route to provide assistance."

They were all surprised when it was Jensen who spoke next, "Down on the ground and safe for the minute. Still have objective secure. Can anyone give me directions from here?"

There was a relay of information between them all as Roque and Cougar tried to close in on Jensen's position to ensure the tech's safe retreat and that they would all make it to Pooch who had also moved the truck he was driving closer. "Will break cover with truck as soon as you are headed this way. I'll get as close as I can and then as soon as you're on board, we'll be out of here," Pooch assured the others.

The relay of information was interrupted by a howl of pure anger that they could all only assume was from the wolf that had been pursuing Jensen, followed by another string of expletives from the man himself, quickly followed by an explanation of sorts, "Fucking super strength asshole. He jumped from the window! He i_jumped_/i from the window! Hell! I need help, guys, seriously, I need help!" For the first time, the rest of the team could hear more than just anxiety in Jensen's voice; this time they knew he thought he wasn't going to make it.

It only served to make them all the more determined to prove him wrong. "Visual! I have visual," Roque exclaimed, already bringing his gun up and aiming just beyond Jensen's shoulder at the huge wolf that was in pursuit. "Keep running the same way, Jensen. Do not change direction; I have a clear visual past you to the wolf. If you keep moving, I can shoot it." It was an evil looking monster of a thing with wild eyes and fur filthy and dishevelled. Just as it seemed to be poised to leap, Roque fired, hitting it in the shoulder and knocking it off its course. It stumbled before regaining its feet. Its head flicked round as it sought the source of its pain, before settling back on Jensen as if it had decided that Jensen was in some way to blame.

Jensen was scrambling wildly across the terrain and they were all relieved to hear him pant, "Again, Roque, again! Hit him for me, please. . ." There was a desperate half-sob that he couldn't hide as he staggered and stumbled over the uneven ground.

"Mother—fucker!" Roque aimed and fired and hit the wolf again, but still it came on. He hit it again and it seemed to rear backward before leaping at Jensen. Its teeth sank deep into Jensen's shoulder, tearing at the flesh as it took both of them down to the ground, claws scrabbling and tearing through Jensen's clothes and into the flesh below. Jensen screamed.

Before Roque could fire again, Cougar burst through the last of the undergrowth from the opposite direction, squeezing off a succession of shots that impacted the wolf between the eyes, and drove straight to the centre of its brain.

It died.

Instantly.

Its body continued its forward progress taking both itself and Jensen to the ground, the tech tangled in its paws and claws, its fangs still deeply embedded within his flesh. "No!" Cougar cried, dashing forward towards his fallen team-mate. Roque was already down on his knees trying to push the huge wolf off of Jensen's body.

The tech didn't make a sound or attempt to move. It only made his team-mates more frantic in their urgent attempts to move the wolf's huge body. Between them, they pushed its bulk free of Jensen before turning their attention to its head and how to free Jensen from the clutch of its jaws.

Jensen picked that moment to prove he wasn't actually dead with a moan of returning consciousness and a twitch of muscles. Cougar picked up on the slight movement, catching hold of Jensen's hand in one of his and resting the other hand against Jensen's cheek, murmuring, "Quieto, mi amigo, esté quieto ." (3)

Cougar was quiet, his focus entirely on Jensen as Roque gave a status report to Clay and Pooch. Jensen moaned again, still not conscious but hovering on the edge, and Cougar leant closer, saying softly, "We are here with you, Jensen. We will take care of you. Trust me, my friend."

Suddenly the muscles in the wolf's jaw went slack and Roque was able to pull the wolf's head away to reveal the nasty mess of bitten flesh beneath. Pulling off his jacket, he yanked his t-shirt off, wadded it up to make a pad and pressed it down on the torn shoulder. Jensen flinched but still didn't regain full consciousness. Cougar took over holding the pad down while Roque pulled his shirt back on and gathered up both his own pack and Jensen's.

Neither man paid any attention to the wolf corpse beside them as they relayed information to Clay and Pooch and determined how close they could get the truck. Clay left Pooch to get as close as he could, while he ran to join the others and help move Jensen.

* * *

The journalist shouted an objection as Clay made to leave the truck, saying it was more important to get out now than to waste time on waiting for the rest of the team to return. Clay's reaction was the same as it had been every time since they'd reached the truck and got the man ensconced in a corner and he'd started demanding they leave immediately and get him airlifted to speed his return to the U.S. and a variety of other demands that were all met with a derisive snort from Clay.

The journalist turned his attention to Pooch offering him everything from monetary incentive to leave the team behind to military promotion. Pooch gave him a bland, "Fuck you!" and turned his attention back to the information coming through from the rest of the team, so it was somewhat of a surprise to find a gun pressed to his temple as the word, "Drive!" was murmured directly into his ear.

Pooch figured he hadn't been special-ops trained for nothing and a little subterfuge to make his captor think he was complying before applying his own elbow to the guy's face pretty much did the trick and by the time, Clay was confirming that they had Jensen and were heading out, Pooch had already been able to take out the guy and tie him up with his wrists attached to one of the ceiling crossbars. He'd gagged the guy as well but not before he'd heard the words, "Undercover CIA" to which he'd shrugged and continued with what he was doing.

He wasn't entirely sure how Clay was going to feel about the situation, if the guy really was CIA, when he picked the others up, but that was not his principal concern and yeah, Pooch figured journalist or agent didn't really matter, he was lucky not to be dead at the side of the road.

* * *

_"__Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." – Unknown_

It was awkward trying to cover any real amount of ground at speed with the weight of the still unconscious Jensen between them, but they moved as quickly as they could and Pooch was ready and waiting with the back doors open and the floor cleared so they could lift him in and settle him as best as possible.

Clay didn't spare more than a glance for the guy tied up in the corner, giving Pooch an appraising look and when it was met with a shrug, he didn't bother asking. There would be plenty of time for that later, Jensen's health was more important for the immediate future.

Roque had a knife out and was slicing through all the clothes covering Jensen's torso, exposing the jagged claw marks and the ripped and bloody mess left by the wolf's bite. Pooch was keeping the truck as steady as it was possible to do along the highland track, but the ground was rough and uneven, intermittently rocky and muddy, so there was going to be no way they could sew up Jensen's wounds in their current position. Clay closed his eyes for a moment before issuing the command to keep going, get them as far away as possible at the greatest speed. He knew it reduced Jensen's chances of survival because they weren't going to be able to do more than a rough clean of the wounds and bandaging in the hope it would be enough until they reached a safer location, but then again hanging around waiting for them all to be caught wasn't going to do any of them any good either and was a guarantee to ensuring Jensen died of his injuries.

"Fuck kid, you've got to hang on and fight this," he muttered to the still unconscious tech, watching as Roque and Cougar did their best to clean the wounds and staunch the flow of blood. "You two, everything you can, do it! I'm climbing up front with Pooch, I want a running status. Any deterioration at all you tell me, clear?"

"Sir!" came the response as Clay turned, sparing the still tied journalist a brief glance before he climbed in the front.

Sitting next to Pooch he hung on for dear life as they rounded a few nasty turns at breakneck speed, deciding to wait until they were on a slightly straighter stretch of track before daring to ask why Pooch had felt it necessary to go so far as tying up the guy they'd been sent to rescue. He had to admit that he hadn't liked the guy's attitude so far, but he wouldn't have gone so far as to actually tie him up or at least not for a while anyway. He did have some patience after all.

The road ahead settled down to 'fairly straight' and somehow Pooch seemed to drag even more speed from the clapped-out old truck they were in. Clay was impressed. With a breath to steady himself and still not sure it was the best time, he figured he'd start by praising his subordinate's achievements under the current situation before tackling the dangerous subjects. At least that way he hoped to keep Pooch's mind in the game of driving well and let him know that he was open to hearing the guy was at fault. In fact being absolutely honest he didn't have any real doubt the guy had asked for it. . . Pooch didn't have a temper like Roque's, wasn't inclined to suddenly rash behaviour and wasn't dumb as fuck when he didn't think through what he was doing like Jensen had at times been known to do.

"Good driving, soldier," he started only to receive a frown from Pooch.

"Boss, you seriously want to tell me I'm a good driver now . . . or do you want to know why I tied him up in the back and gagged him?" Pooch gave a nonchalant sniff as he finished speaking as if he wasn't really concerned anyway.

"Well, if you want to tell me why . . . that would be . . . good. But I trust your judgement, Pooch, you know that, right?" Clay realized that sounded somewhat defensive for a commanding officer, but before he had time to say anything more Pooch was replying.

Pooch laughed, "Yeah, right, whatever! I tied him up because he wanted me to get out of here and leave the rest of you behind . . . and he tried to get a little i_overly_/i persuasive and I had other things on my mind than him."

"Overly persuasive?" Clay growled the words, looking over his shoulder at the still suspended journalist, grinning maliciously as Pooch hit a bump in the road and the journalist was jostled unable to keep his balance and knocking his head against the side of the truck, before his glance slid anxiously to where the rest of his team were working on Jensen.

"Said he was CIA, under cover and tried to persuade me to follow his orders by holding a gun to my head." Pooch slipped one hand from the wheel and down the side of his seat where he retrieved the gun he'd taken from the supposedly undercover agent and handed it to Clay, before turning his full attention back to the track ahead, figuring that he was pretty confident Clay would more than support his actions.

Clay took the gun, turned it over as if to examine it from all sides, before sliding it into the glove compartment and then making his way over the seat into the back of the truck again. He settled himself as comfortably as possible in front of the agent and withdrew a knife from a sheath at his side. He turned it over a couple of times, examining it in the same way he'd looked at the gun moments before, then lifted his eyes to glare at the man before him. "So . . . undercover CIA right? Says it all that you'd be posing as some hack out here in the middle of nowhere and that you'd fuck up bad enough to get caught and need us to come and rescue you . . . I'd excuse you all of that, I really would . . . but what I can't ever forgive is the fact that you seem to think that my men are expendable. See that man lying there, he's a damn sight more useful to me and his fucking country alive than you could ever be . . . so I guess what I'm telling you is, you better have a really good excuse for holding a gun on one of my men and for trying to i_'persuade'_/i him to leave the rest of us behind because when I take this gag off, that's what I'm going to want to hear."

The guy nodded and so Clay lifted the huge knife towards the side of his mouth, slipping the point under the edge of the gag. Clay smirked as he saw the guy hold his breath and keep deathly still, as with a fractional movement the gag shredded and fell away but Clay left the knife resting against the man's cheek. "I'm listening . . . make it good!"

The guy gulped and then stammered out, "I – I have in – inform-mation. Vital information!"

Clay sneered as he shook his head. "Not good enough. That man there," he tilted his head in Jensen's direction. "He had vital information. He brought us out Viktor's hard drive contents. That's what you call vital information. You got something better than that?"

"Um . . . it's . . . confidential," the guy tried to put more weight behind his words, tried to boost both his own confidence and the authority he had over the men in the vehicle with him.

"Don't give a fuck! You threatened one of my men . . . all of my men's safety actually and I really don't like people who do that, so I guess that means I really don't fucking like you. Let me make this clear, I am going to untie you . . . I am going to let you live – for now, but you even think of breathing out of line and I will feed you your own intestines! Are we clear?"

"Yes," came the reply.

"So when we get back, there will be no mention of the fact that you were tied up by my man there, instead my team will receive the glowing report they deserve for the rescue of yourself and the retrieval of all that nice yummy hard drive data and the codes to access the information which I have no doubt Jensen will provide when he recovers. I'm not asking for anything they don't already deserve. If I find a single word of complaint has been even thought, let alone uttered, then we will find out where you are and make you really fucking sorry we risked our asses to get you out of that mess."

The agent nodded a quick confirmation of agreement, before Clay added, "And where the fuck did you get the gun?"

"It was mine. . . No bullets left," the guy admitted. "I'm sorry about your man," he tilted his head in Jensen's direction. "You should know . . . the word in the area was that no one who got bitten survived."

Clay hummed disapproval at the suggestion that Jensen wasn't going to make it before saying, "I would imagine that was for the folk who were savaged to death by it. Wolf didn't get that far. It's just a bite and a few claw marks." His words didn't carry the conviction he wanted them to and the look in Cougar's eyes as he glanced up at him was one of hurt and appeal, although right then, Clay had no idea what he could do to help. He slipped his knife up and released the agent's hands, adding a sharp, "Stay put unless you've got something useful to add to the situation."

"No, I'm sorry," he said seemingly regretful. "I am sorry, I know what you think but it was never about you and your men."

Clay shook his head in disgust as he added, "It never fucking is."

* * *

They'd got far enough away to stop and patch Jensen up with the truck stationery. He'd drifted close to consciousness a few times, emerging incoherently out of it just a couple, but it had done nothing to settle everyone else's anxiety. His temperature had been steadily rising despite the fact that none of the wounds seemed to be infected so far. If anything the claw marks looked like they were already calming, sealing themselves and looking far less raw and violent than they had when first exposed. The bite itself had stopped seeping blood and appeared clean. Cougar's stitches were holding.

They were sleeping in shifts, one of them always keeping guard while the other watched over Jensen. Cougar refused to leave Jensen's side and would just bunk down alongside his younger team-mate when it came round to his turn to sleep. The rest of the team ignored it, used to Cougar's protective streak and the thick run of guilt that always weighed their sniper down when he had been watching their backs but one of them managed to get hurt anyway.

Cougar and Roque were sleeping when the agent decided to comment on it, only to find himself being dragged outside by the scruff of his neck by Clay. Slammed against a tree with his tiptoes barely touching the floor, the agent's eyes were wild as apologies dropped from his lips. "What a shame you died of the injuries Viktor caused!" Clay sneered as he held his gun to the agent's temple then slowly let it drift down to rest against the agent's stomach. "We all know gut shots in the field; terrible things, slow and painful but pretty certain way to die!"

The agent babbled a further round of apologies and pleas for mercy before Clay snapped, "My men are a team, one hurts they all hurt. They watch each other's backs so when Jensen gets hurt when Cougar is watching over him, Cougar is hurt just as bad even though we all know it wasn't his fault, either of their faults. Wrong place, wrong time but this is how they deal. They stay close and watch over each other until they're whole again. You wouldn't know the first thing about team work, about having anybody else's back, so don't fucking dream you're in a position to be able to judge!" Clay let go and the man stumbled to his knees. Clay spat, the huge globule of saliva landing deliberately right alongside the agent's hand which he withdrew quickly as Clay turned and strode back to the truck.

Swinging up inside, Clay looked at Pooch, who was still standing guard outside surveying the perimeter, "Up front now, we're moving out as soon as he gets back on board. I've had more than enough of this fucking country to last a lifetime."

Pooch swung into the front of the truck and immediately turned the engine on. The agent returned to the back of the truck and looked warily in at Clay, who was deliberately not returning the gaze. Roque and Cougar had immediately sat up at the sound of the engine starting, reaching for their weapons as they did so. The agent found himself at the end of two high-powered assault rifles and a smirk from Clay. "Let him back in, guys. We're moving out. Let's get Jensen to civilization, huh?"

The weapons were lowered and the agent resumed his place tight in the corner in silence.

Cougar turned to start checking on Jensen again, hand resting on his forehead. He frowned across at Clay as he said, "Temperature still rising. He's too hot." Clay just shrugged, soaked another cloth in water and handed it over. There was nothing else they could do until they reached somewhere with some sort of medical help.

* * *

It took another two days to get somewhere that really counted, somewhere built up enough to be called a town and to actually have something approaching a medical facility and by then Jensen's wounds were healing. His temperature was still ridiculously high but for periods he was awake and lucid and grouchy as hell. The claw tracks had almost disappeared and the bite wound was knitting nicely with no immediate sign of infection, nothing that gave any indication of why Jensen's temperature was so high.

He seemed to need to sleep a lot more than he usually did, but given the state of his injuries the rest of the team weren't surprised at that. So when they finally did find a doctor to look at Jensen, he said maybe there was an infection, maybe Jensen was just a little odd; although they couldn't be entirely sure something hadn't got lost in translation at that point, for as much as they all had a tendency to agree that Jensen definitely was odd, no little about it, that didn't seem like the kind of thing a doctor would say to account for such a high temperature. Clearly Jensen was well on the way to recovery and when the antibiotics that the doctor had given him only started to make him vomit without bringing his temperature down any, nobody was inclined to insist he took them. After all, serial vomiting was likely to do more damage to the healing wounds at that point than anything else that Jensen had been going through.

And so it was that by the time they were on board a flight back to the U.S., nobody thought it necessary to say anything to the army medics at the other end. Jensen still had moments where he seemed confused but they were far enough apart that the rest of the team didn't notice anything seriously amiss. His temperature still seemed to fluctuate between normal and too high, but a cooling icepack to the back of his neck, knees and under his arms when it was really bad soon calmed everything back down again. And as for his newly acquired hyper-sensitivity to loud sounds and what he described as strong smells, well that was all in his imagination according to Roque.

Cougar found himself sniffing round more than once, trying to find the 'strong, offensive odors' that Jensen would be moaning about and only managing to find vague whiffs of things that were neither strong nor overly offensive. As for the noises that had Jensen flinching and wincing, Cougar knew for a fact they weren't as loud as Jensen seemed to think, but he promised himself that as soon as they were back to their own base, he'd make sure Jensen got checked out by their own medic and in the meantime, he was more than willing to ensure that Jensen was allowed to rest in quiet, darkened rooms and he would stand guard to make sure they stayed that way.

* * *

It was early one evening when Clay returned from a debriefing with senior officers with a perplexed look on his face. He spent a solid hour watching his men move about their business before seeming to come to a decision.

"Roque, Cougar, outside now. We need to talk," he said curtly, waiting for them to start walking before following them and closing the door behind them. He paused a moment, looking them both up and down, before saying, "Did you miss any significant details out of your mission report? I want to know now!"

Both men's expressions stayed blank with just a hint of confusion. "Apart from the wolf, who else got shot?" Clay persisted.

"No one," Roque said simply.

"Cougar?"

"Nadie;(4) no one."

Clay frowned. "Did you see anything else suspicious? Any sign of anyone else being there?" Again both men looked blank, giving twin replies of "Nothing" and "Nada". The two soldiers waited, neither sure what information Clay was seeking.

A moment or two later Clay spoke again, "Okay, there are some details that will be outstanding from that mission. We'll need to try and figure out what happened after we left. Look for the minute don't say anything to Jensen. Kid had enough to deal with out there and . . . I'm pretty sure he didn't shoot anyone. I figure he was too busy outrunning a wolf to be shooting anyone."

It was Roque who finally asked what information Clay had been given. "Who's dead?"

Clay shrugged, "The Boss, Viktor. He was found right by where you two had Jensen, three gunshots to the side and two straight between the eyes. No mention of the wolf."

Roque grunted, "Got what was coming to him if you ask me, but don't know anything about who did it. Sure wasn't us, we had our hands full with that freakin' huge wolf, believe me!"

Cougar seemed to pale considerably, before muttering, "Hombre-lobo," (5) turning and walking away without a further word. He headed straight back in to where they had left Pooch and Jensen, marching straight over to his bunkmate and grabbing his chin, tilting his head to look into his eyes and resting his other hand on Jensen's forehead, ignoring Jensen's hands as they flapped at him and tried to push him away with accompanying sounds of protest. He seemed to be searching for something and it was the desperate look in his eyes that had Jensen subsiding and letting him finish his checking.

"¿Estás bien? ¿Te sientes raro en alguna parte?" (6) Cougar whispered, sounding almost afraid of what the answer might be.

"Cougs . . . English, dude!" Jensen replied softly.

Cougar hung his head, whispering again, "Sorry, do – do you feel alright?"

"Sure, I do. Hey man, what's the matter? Are you okay?" Jensen reached a hand out to pull his friend closer, to reassure him but Cougar just shook his head, pulled away and walked out of the room. Jensen spared a bemused look for Pooch before following Cougar.

He found him in the room they were currently sharing, slumped on his bed with his hat pulled down to cover his face. "Cougs," Jensen said quietly. "Talk to me."

There was a slight shake to the hat and Jensen gave a soft sigh, "You're worrying me . . . one minute, everything's fine, the next Clay calls you out of the room and before I know it you're back and checking out my temperature and everything. What did Clay say about me?"

"Nada. Was not about you. He just . . . he said something and it . . . it reminded me . . ." Cougar fell silent, head and hat tilting even further as if he was determined that no one should catch the least glimpse of his facial expression.

Jensen knew that Cougar had seen horrendous things in his past, had lost enough to push him close to the edge of a breakdown and that it was only since beginning to work with Clay that he had been able to accept his place in a team and that he had learnt to treat that place with great value, taking any injury to his team-mates as personal failure. Jensen also knew that while Cougar respected him as a soldier, he simultaneously thought of him as young and innocent and in need of protection.

"Cougs. . . look at me. See. Let yourself see it, please. I'm fine, I'm over it. Let it go now. It was no one's fault but the idiot who decided to let a wolf wander around his castle and seriously you . . . for you, I'm so thankful you were there. Roque helped, but you were the one who saved me. You killed it."

Cougar's head came up enough that Jensen could just barely see his eyes although they were still in the shadow of his hat's brim. "Thank you," Jensen said firmly.

"I wish I could have been there sooner, saved you," Cougar said sadly.

Jensen frowned, but instead nudged Cougar gently and said, "You did, dude. You did."

* * *

**Spanish translations**

(1) I hate that sound.

(2) Hurry, hurry.

(3) Be still, my friend, be still.

(4) No one

(5) Werewolf!

(6) Are you well? Do you feel strange at all?


	2. A Mission With a Difference

**Chapter 2 – A Mission with a Difference**

_ "__When you're at the end of your rope, all you have to do is make one foot move out in front of the other. Just take the next step. That's all there is to it." (Samuel Fuller)_

They'd been back 'home' for a week and a half with the mission debriefed and the last of the CIA agent well behind them. Pooch had spent some time with his wife and Jensen had gone up to see his sister and niece for a day or two before returning. With the team all reassembled, it was no surprise to have Clay call them in to announce their next mission.

They'd been given five days to get themselves ready for another extraction, this time over in Asia. The team split up in their usual way with Roque and Cougar making sure all of their weaponry supplies were in order, while Pooch focused on arranging as much of the transport in advance as was feasible. Jensen barely emerged from a welter of technical equipment long enough to eat as he hacked databases for more Intel and made sure that all of their comms were running at peak condition.

By the time they got to the night before they were due to go, Jensen was wired and on Clay's orders, Cougar and Pooch forcibly removed him from his computers and shoved him to bed in a darkened room, both of them standing guard until he dropped to sleep. Not that it took very long, he was exhausted enough to fall asleep within minutes once all external stimuli were removed. The rest of the team also took advantage of one final opportunity to sleep in half-way decent beds on clean sheets.

* * *

Jensen woke early, jittery.

More jittery than normal in Cougar's opinion as his restlessness woke his bunkmate. Cougar was used to Jensen, used to Jensen's noise and Jensen's movement and today there was more than was normal. He sat up to watch as Jensen packed and unpacked his kitbag before repacking again. Cougar sighed. "Jensen?"

Jensen looked over his shoulder as if surprised to see Cougar awake. "Oh! Sorry! I didn't wake you up, did I?"

Cougar tilted his head and Jensen flushed with clear embarrassment before apologizing again, then adding, "Are you hot? Is it hot in here?"

Cougar frowned and stood up, moving across to his team-mate and reaching a hand up to rest against his forehead only for Jensen to jump backward. "Whoa! What? What are you doing? What's with the touching, dude?"

Cougar stepped back apologetically, looking chastened. Jensen's face fell and he stepped forward back into Cougar's space. "Cougs? It is hot, isn't it? It's not just me?" He leant forward as if to offer the other man his forehead for checking, but this time Cougar kept both hands firmly by his sides. "I'm sorry, Cougar. I just . . ." All of a sudden, Jensen looked like he was on the verge of tears, something Cougar had never seen before. The younger man turned away, stuffing his belongings into his bag haphazardly before sitting down beside it, looking away from Cougar and wiping a hand across his eyes.

A thought crossed Cougar's mind that perhaps after his ordeal on their last mission that Jensen was actually having difficulty mentally preparing for this one. That maybe his younger team-mate would be better sitting this mission out, dealing with the issues or maybe . . . he didn't like to think of the team without Jensen, but he understood that sometimes a soldier reached the point where he had seen all he could take, sometimes a soldier could reach the end of the line.

"Cougs . . ." Jensen's voice was soft and unsure.

"Jensen, maybe I should take your temperature. Perhaps you are not well and should not be on this mission."

Jensen looked up at him; the depth of emotion on show in his eyes was heart-breaking. He allowed Cougar to feel his forehead, accepted the cool cloth that he brought him afterward but wouldn't permit a call to Clay or the medic on duty. "I'm okay, Cougs," he said quietly, "I won't let you all down. I promise."

Cougar knelt in front of him so he could look him in the eyes, "It is not about letting us down, Jacob Jensen. You don't have it in you to ever do that. But if you are not well, then you should not be hauling your ass around Asia. Perhaps you should sit this one out."

"No . . . please Cougar, don't leave me behind. I promise it's not that bad." He heaved a great breath and seemed to pull himself together. "I can do this, right? I _can_ do this," he repeated with more assertion.

"Always," Cougar agreed, promising himself that he would look out for his team-mate even more than usual. It was a fine line Jensen was walking between being broken and being whole and Cougar was determined to see that he stayed on the right side of it. "I think perhaps we should pack your bag together, my friend."

* * *

Jensen seemed calmer after Cougar had helped him pack his bag, not that Cougar had done much beyond picking each item up in turn and handing it to Jensen for him to pack correctly. Once they were both ready and had headed out to join the rest of the team, Jensen was soon occupied with Pooch in getting their gear ready for transport with Roque overseeing the two of them. It gave Cougar the opportunity to speak discreetly with Clay.

"Jensen . . ." Cougar began, not really sure where to start.

Clay's head snapped round, his eyes focussed intently on Cougar for a moment before flicking across to the rest of the team and then returning. "What about him? Don't stop there. Is there a problem?"

"I – I think the last mission may be weighing on his mind," Cougar finally settled on what he thought was a fair description of the situation.

"He's not the only one . . . I wish this wasn't retrieval. We needed them to give us a break, something that doesn't bring up the fresh memories. . ." Clay sighed. "He's okay, though? Do I need to call this off?"

"I will keep watch over him," came Cougar's reply.

"That I already know and it wasn't my question!" Clay breathed out heavily. "Look, this shouldn't be so bad. He's staying outside. Trust me, I'm not sending him anywhere alone. Roque and I will go in, you're watching out for us and he will be safely stowed where he can hack. He needs his confidence back. He did good last time. I mean, fuck if I know anyone else who would have been able to escape a wolf inside a building. But we all know from experience, the body can heal and leave few marks, the mind is a whole different game. We'll look out for him, we'll let him chatter, we all know what we're listening for." Clay looked back again to where Jensen stood alongside Pooch and Roque, saw the underlying tension in the young man's posture. "None of us want to lose him."

Cougar nodded knowing exactly what Clay meant.

* * *

Clay was regretting being so nonchalant about Jensen's state of mind about thirty minutes into the flight. It felt like the tech hadn't even stopped talking long enough to draw breath since they'd taken off and if Clay heard him complain one more time about being hot, he was going to rip the emergency exit hatch off the plane and dangle Jensen outside by his ankles.

Roque had his eyes closed as if he were sleeping, but Clay doubted very much that he was, didn't actually think it was possible with the noise Jensen was making, but there were small mercies to be counted and today's was that Roque hadn't laid Jensen out yet.

Clay lifted his head and glared at Cougar, who was sitting alongside Jensen as if to complain the silent man hadn't done something about it, after all glaring at Jensen had done even less than when he'd snapped at Jensen about ten minutes ago. To be fair, when he'd told Jensen to shut up, he had; it just hadn't lasted more than a couple of minutes. Clay couldn't help watching Jensen, taking in all the ways that Jensen was 'wrong'. There was more to the situation than met the eye, this was more than just the usual inane Jensen gabble that the team was inured to.

"I was just saying it was hot," Jensen snapped at Clay, "Why are you glaring? Okay glare at me, because I'm not happy about the ridiculous heat in here, why glare at Cougar? What's he done to piss you off?" There was a pause before he started again, "Why's this plane have to be so loud? It's really getting on my nerves. I've got a headache from all this noise. Cougar, did you hear what I said or is it too loud for anyone else to hear and I'm talking to myself. God, all this noise hurts my ears."

Cougar shifted slightly in his seat, let the leg beside Jensen tilt to the left so it rested against Jensen's leg, felt the jittery movement as Jensen tapped it up and down on the floor. He slid his fingers down his own leg and let the ends drift out beyond to rest on Jensen's. He felt the constant jigging motion slow, as Jensen heaved a deep breath and seemed to calm. He took off his hat, looked at Jensen and said, "Lean back in your seat." He waited without another word until Jensen followed his instruction, ignoring the slightly bemused look. "Close your eyes." Jensen's eyes flared with alarm for a moment before he again responded to the calm of his friend's demeanor. As his eyes closed, Cougar slid his hat on to Jensen's head, tilting the brim to block out the light and murmured, "Sleep, my friend. Deberías dormirte**.**" (1)

There was a moment or two when Cougar thought that Jensen was going to object to the instruction, when his whole bearing seemed to indicate that he was about to get up again, but Cougar left his fingers resting on Jensen's leg and the calm seemed to gradually invade his being, overcoming the fight and finally he let go and relaxed. Cougar could tell he wasn't deeply asleep, but at least he wasn't burning up energy he didn't have to spare. Looking round at the rest of the team, he could see they had all relaxed too; Roque's shoulders seemed to have dropped a couple of inches although his actual position hadn't changed, Clay's glare was gone and instead Cougar felt himself under a gaze of impressed approval. He started to withdraw his fingers from Jensen's leg, presuming Clay hadn't noticed them yet otherwise he assumed it wouldn't have been approval in Clay's eyes. He was surprised at the curt headshake he received from Clay, the motion clearly taken note of. "Don't," Clay said, just loud enough to be heard over the roar of the plane's engines.

Cougar nodded, leant back in his own seat and closed his eyes, grabbing at the last chance for rest before their mission started.

* * *

Cougar woke a couple of hours before the plane was due to land and immediately tried to soothe Jensen. The tech was twitching in his sleep, a sign they all recognized in each other. There wasn't one among them who hadn't needed to be woken from a nightmare by his team-mates, who hadn't needed to see them alive and blood-free to dispel at least a little of the overwhelming weight the nightmares left behind.

They each had their own triggers, their own tells and their reactions on waking differed. Until Jensen had joined the team, Cougar's nightmares had been the least under control, the sniper withdrawn and isolated. Clay knew that Cougar was the best at his job but that he'd been having difficulty finding a way to 'be' part of the team. There had never been a question about his loyalty, his diligence or his reliability, but sociable Cougar was not or at least he hadn't been. He'd kept himself on the edge of the team, as if reluctant to be drawn in. Clay didn't know what anyone else knew about it, he'd seen enough of Cougar's past record to know the self-isolation came from failed missions, bad commanding officers, and self-imposed blame. He'd worked to overcome it, worked to include Cougar and discourage the isolation which was bad for any soldier's mental health but it had taken the arrival of Jensen to break his barriers down and get the real genuine interaction that eased Clay's concerns.

Jensen woke and the edginess was back in full force within minutes. Jensen complaining full force about too much noise, heat, light, needing to move and for some bizarre reason something he described as itching under his skin. Cougar's presence was no longer breaking through the agitation and Jensen's complaints were becoming more and more erratic and irrational and Clay had no idea what he was talking about, but at least he had been able to distract Jensen for a while by giving him mission details to go over.

Jensen quieted as he pored over the latest set of notes and documents, his only interjections now were mission related and he'd turn each question to Cougar first and then Clay, as if even he knew he'd been on the point of driving his team to murder.

* * *

Once they'd landed and made their way to the warehouse they were using as a base, it didn't take long for them to set up their equipment efficiently on site. As soon as that was done, Clay insisted that everyone wear comms at all times when they were apart. Roque reacted, almost snarling, "You do realize his inane nonsense is going to melt everyone's brains before we can do anything useful."

"I don't care. You _will_ follow orders," Clay barked back, eyes fiery. Roque glared back but snatched an earpiece from the table where Jensen had laid them out. The tech's eyes were down, subdued and Clay was grateful again that Cougar was hovering nearby, obviously attuned to the younger man.

Jensen was being quiet, too quiet. Clay could see the tension running through him and wondered again why he'd let himself be talked into this, why he hadn't called the whole thing off when Cougar had said there was something the matter with Jensen.

The deserted warehouse had a bunch of offices tucked away at the back of the building, marginally less destroyed than the rest of the building was and Jensen had set up the smallest office with all of his equipment and that was where he was now. Cougar was sitting with Roque and Pooch in the middle of the area just outside, facing the room Jensen was in. There was clearly something bothering him.

Clay made eye contact with the sniper and sent him a questioning look, Cougar shrugged and looked down at the bed rolls laid out on the floor nearby . . . Clay glanced across . . . One, two, three and his own alongside waiting to be unpacked. There was nothing in the area to signify that Jensen had any intention of joining them.

Clay picked his way across the warehouse and knocked on the door to the room where Jensen was. He opened the door and looked in, surprised when he couldn't see Jensen at first amid a pile of way more computer equipment than they'd brought with them. "Jensen?"

There was a shuffle of movement and as Clay stepped deeper into the room, he could make out Jensen in the furthest corner behind the door, deep in shadow, face illuminated only by the light shining from the laptop balanced on his knees. Clay closed the door behind him, paused to look over at the machinery in the center of the room which seemed to be doing something, not sitting idle like old redundant machines from before the warehouse closed.

Jensen's voice was hesitant when he explained, "I found some old machines abandoned here, I fixed them up and added them to what I brought with me to increase the processing power and search capacity."

Clay hadn't heard that hesitancy in a while, not since the first couple of missions with Jensen as part of the team. Like most of the team, Clay had 'acquired' Jensen almost by default. If the army didn't know what to do with them, they gave them one last chance in a team like Clay's. He doubted his was the only team like it, made up of the people no other commanding officer wanted. Jensen was too good at what he did and too intelligent to boot. He didn't make a good grunt and you had to be secure in yourself to take a cocky underling like him for long, because Jensen would without thinking twice tell you when your plans sucked. Clay sometimes wondered how many of his previous C.O.s had taken the time to realize that Jensen might tell you it sucked, but that he would still follow his orders to the letter or how many of them had ever asked him if he had any Intel that would allow for a better plan.

Jensen was a geek without a doubt, but he was also brave to the point of stupidity when it came to putting his life on the line to save others. He was a beyond good soldier. Clay had more than simple belief in just his tech skills; he knew that Jensen was good in a fight as well.

Yet he'd turned up at Clay's office that first time unwanted, a cast off from one too many teams to have faith left that he could be in a team that would want him and have his back when he was in danger, a team that would respect his strengths and above all actually like him for the man he was.

Clay lowered himself down to the floor next to Jensen and leant back against the wall. Jensen didn't move which he took as a good sign. He also didn't close down or hide what he was looking at on the laptop in front of him. Clay looked round the room and took in not just the complicated array of wires and technology but the fact that Jensen had set out his own bedding roll in a small place in the corner.

"So . . ." Clay looked at Jensen wondering where to start.

"It was there," Jensen waved at the hardware in the center of the room. "Well not there exactly, it was scattered between the rooms, I set up my stuff and then added it in." Jensen shrugged and looked away and Clay could feel the defensiveness in his posture.

"Hey, you know me, consummate techno-phobe. I don't get it, but I'm in awe of what you get it to do. I have no problem with using whatever if it gets the job done." He saw Jensen give a small nod and wondered when he got to the point where he was handling the last job so wrong, where along the line he should have reassured Jensen or whether he should have left him back in the States. "Jensen . . . I know things went bad last time . . ."

"I'm a soldier," Jensen said simply.

"Yup, you are and that hasn't changed because things turned bad last time."

"No . . . I feel . . . different . . . wrong . . ." Jensen murmured.

"Nerves, Jensen, that's all it is. Just like your first mission ever, or your first mission with a new team . . . This time though, you know, it's us, we've always got your back and we trust you with ours. We _are_ a team."

Jensen nodded again. "I'm gonna sleep in here," he said quietly.

Clay gave it a moment, and then said, "Make some more room, Cougar'll sleep in here too. Perimeter's secure. And Jensen . . . you will sleep, you will not spend all night hacking or checking details. You've done your job, you've got the Intel we need. You've still got tomorrow to find anything else you can. That's an order."

"Yes sir."

Clay let his gaze rest on the rotating pictures in front of Jensen long enough to see they were of his family. "So how's Little League panning out?"

"They're doing good . . . They've won more than they've lost, a lot more."

"Better make sure we get you back there quickly then, so you can go cheer at a game soon, don't you think?" Jensen nodded in response, closed his eyes and bit his lip. "Okay, then. I'm gonna go check on everyone else. You get that space cleared so there's room for Cougar and I'll see you in the morning, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to kick some computer ass for me!"

Clay pushed himself up and headed for the door, casting one last look back to see Jensen already starting to follow his orders. He wasn't sure it was enough, certainly wasn't all that Jensen or any of his men deserved but right now it was all he had to offer, the best he could do. Back in front of the others, he felt all their eyes on him. He ignored them all and walked across to his own pack, not speaking until he'd got his back to them. "Jensen's just clearing some room in there. He's done something suitably technical with a load of old computer stuff he found lying around and has built a computer to take over the world or something." Turning back he added, "He's going to bunk down in there with Cougar. Rest of us will sleep out here."

It wasn't a question, wasn't even an order or a request just a statement of fact and Cougar was moving almost before he'd finished speaking, collecting his own stuff up and moving to the door to the room where Jensen had been holed up since their arrival.

With both men out of sight and the door closed, Roque asked, "He gonna be okay? He gonna have our backs?"

"Of course. He ever let you down before? Thought not, so don't begin to think he's going to start doing it now!" Clay's voice was firm. "Roque, you've got first watch so shut the fuck up while the rest of us get some sleep."

* * *

Cougar entered the room quietly, taking note of the way Jensen had everything laid out and where there was space for him to put his things down. He saw how Jensen had tucked his things into a corner as if he was going to sleep there and decided to move Jensen's things to be alongside his own. It would be safer: if Jensen had another nightmare like the one on the flight, he didn't want to be tripping over wires or knocking over Jensen's computer set up to reach him in the dark.

"Umm, Cougs . . . that's my stuff you're moving."

"Here. We will sleep here. It's better. Roque is on watch now, you're next. So stop and sleep now."

Jensen made his way over and sat down, looking at Cougar as the sniper settled down and turned to face the opposite direction, leaving Jensen to turn the last light in the room out before settling down himself. "Who's after me?" Jensen asked, shifting to get comfortable.

"I am." The room fell silent and both men lay still and quiet for a while, but neither had fallen asleep, Cougar was waiting to hear the even breathing of sleep from Jensen, while Jensen was too lost in the bizarre feelings still churning through his body - heat, sound, smell and the overwhelming wrongness as if something were squirming inside his body and trying to get out.

Cougar knew it was coming, probably even before Jensen and so he rolled quietly over to look at his friend. Jensen's back was rigid, the tension clear and he began to shift as if unable to find a comfortable position in which to sleep. He rolled and shifted a few times: back, front, left side; back, left side, front; left side, front, back.

Cougar slid a fraction closer; just enough that as Jensen settled for a moment, his own hand could come to rest on Jensen's shoulder as he murmured softly, "Descansa, mi amigo."(2) Jensen stilled, let out a breath and seemed to settle. Cougar waited as Jensen finally drifted into sleep, then succumbed to slumber himself.

* * *

Cougar was returning from his own watch having handed off to Clay a little early because Clay was awake anyway and had decided that it would be better to have Cougar back with his focus on Jensen than both of them sitting waiting for the actual time for the change of watch. As he opened the door, Cougar heard a whimper and the restless shift as Jensen twisted and turned in his sleep.

He closed the door quickly and moved to Jensen's side, reaching out to shake his friend awake gently. There was heat pouring off of Jensen and it took a firm shake and calling his name to wake Jensen up.

Jensen immediately curled up on his side, gasping for air and for a moment, Cougar was worried he was going to be sick, but gradually he uncurled and his breathing calmed. "Hurts, Coug," he murmured softly.

"Sssh," Cougar soothed, gently rubbing Jensen's arm. He drew Jensen closer, held him until he fell asleep again.

* * *

Despite sleeping through the rest of the night without waking, Jensen looked drained and exhausted in the morning. He was quiet but clearly trying to maintain the charade of normal verbosity. "Pooch, my man with a van . . . umm . . ." his voice petered out as he lost track of what he was going to say. None of the team failed to notice the constant twitching and shifting; Jensen seemed restless, unable to be still.

However, he was on form with his hacking and turned up a few more tidbits of information that would assist them in retrieving their objective once on site. No people to deal with this time, just a straight in and out retrieval of hard-copy plans for a new military installation if all went to plan.

Evening drew in quickly and the team separated, leaving Jensen alone in the warehouse with the computers. He'd already hacked the security system and so would be able to open doors and override the onsite alarms for Roque and Clay as needed.

Clay took Jensen on one side for one last reassurance before they left, "I know you're not feeling great about this job, Jensen, but we're prepared and it's going to go to plan, so just hang on in there and you'll be home watching your niece's little league game before you know it."

"What no wolves? God, sometimes this job is just so boring it's unreal," Jensen snarked, drawing a smirk from Clay. "I'll see you all soon then, I guess!"

"And Jensen . . ." Clay turned before leaving the room, "Don't let me find out you were hacking in your underwear . . . we've already had that conversation, don't forget!"

"Gotcha sir, no underwear while hacking. I can do that, sir!"

Clay couldn't help but laugh, finding himself reassured by Jensen's reaction.

* * *

An hour into the mission and things were going well, Jensen had got through all the security blocks, over-ridden the security cameras so that apparently all they would show the following morning, should anyone start looking at them, was clips from a series of gay porn movies on all the corridor cameras and the Emmanuelle relaunched version films on the elevator cameras. Clay didn't ask how Jensen did it, knew he wouldn't understand if the tech did try to tell him but figured it was kind of amusing anyway and that there would be a whole load of security guys fighting for the opportunity to review the elevator camera footage just to make sure there weren't any breaks in the films in which the perpetrators could be seen. Even more amazing was Jensen's reassurance that the guys currently on security duty were seeing empty corridors and rooms and nothing more.

In Clay's opinion, their tech was a gift, a normally over-active, particularly loud one, but a gift all the same. Jensen was doing okay, he was talking, not quite as much as normal, and a lot more on task without the wild tangential comments they were used to but his voice was almost soothing in its running spiel of information about each of their locations and their status.

Each of them had in their own way checked in and made sure that Jensen knew they were all aware of him and concerned for his safety, another sign that reassured Clay he had a kick-ass team. He'd seen it before, the highly competitive teams where the members weren't a team at all but individuals out for their own ends, their own promotions. He knew for a fact that both Cougar and Roque had seen that kind of team first hand and come out worse for it as had Jensen. It made him all the more proud of his men that they'd overcome that mentality to make his team even better.

There'd been a few odd grunts from Jensen, murmurs that sounded like pain, but after a brief silence Jensen would reassure them that all was fine and he'd stubbed his toe or banged his elbow. None of the team were buying it, but for now Jensen was right all focus needed to be on the mission and getting it over and done with, then they could find out what was going on back at the warehouse. The sounds were too intermittent, too far between each other for there to be an actual problem back there, so Clay put it out of his mind.

* * *

Cougar was edgy. From his vantage point, he could make out Clay and Roque in the building and was pleased at the speed with which they were getting through each of the security obstacles, which showed that not only were they okay, but also that all was well with Jensen. A slight twist of his head and he could see Pooch's location as well and all seemed quiet there too.

It didn't stop the nervous churn in his stomach that although Jensen was doing everything he should, all was not well back at the warehouse. Silently he urged Roque and Clay onward again.

He heard a whimper over the comms, knew instantly it was Jensen and barely held his position, biting his lip to keep his focus where it was supposed to be. "Jensen, Jensen, talk to me," he murmured quietly. There was no response.

Another door opened inside the building and Roque and Clay moved to the last elevator, the private one that only two people had the passcode for – or three if you included Jensen, of course. There was a pause and the door didn't open. Clay's voice over the comm said, "Jensen, can you get this elevator door for us?" The voice was calm, but Cougar could hear the edge of concern, the worry for both Jensen and why the door wasn't already open and for the mission, which would all fall apart if Jensen couldn't get them to the final floor.

Jensen's voice was tight, filled with pain as he answered, "Yeah, yeah . . . It'll . . ." He gasped before managing to continue, "Just hang on . . . opening . . . now?" He finished with a clear question to his voice as if he wasn't sure the door was going to open at all.

"Yeah, door's open. Cougar! Cougar, head back to base, we're in and everything's fine so . . ."

"No! No, stay there, Cougs. Keep watching . . . just . . . just in case . . . nothing wrong here. 'S just me here, no . . . no danger. Just not feeling so good. . . that's all," Jensen stammered out.

Clay sighed, torn between the urge to send Cougar back and the knowledge that without Jensen watching the cameras, which was a distinct possibility given the sound of his voice, there was a real danger of someone sneaking up on them and Cougar was their only other option for that kind of Intel. "Okay, you sure, Jensen?" When he received a grunted yes, Clay told Cougar to stay put and keep watching and they'd be done as quickly as they could.

Clay and Roque were on target, making good time and with the exception of the anxiety about Jensen that was zipping through the team, everything was going well. Jensen had been quiet for a while beyond mutterings that no one could quite make out. Cougar's infamous patience was finally overridden by concern and he was the one to break the silence, with, "Jensen, status report?" There was an initial silence into which Cougar added, "Please." They all knew that Cougar was breaking protocol but with Clay and Roque engaged in forcing open the safe containing the plans, Cougar needed to be sure.

There was no response. Cougar held his position, forced himself to hold position because he was a soldier and he had a standing order to provide cover for his C.O. If there was actually something wrong with Jensen . . . he couldn't let his thoughts go there, he couldn't. Clay's voice rumbled through the comms, "Jensen, status report now." Cougar's overwhelming feeling was one of eternal gratitude but it still took forever for Jensen to reply.

"Hurts . . . all this noise, it hurts," Jensen said quietly. There was the sound of movement, a whimper and what almost sounded like a dog whining. When Clay again demanded a report, Jensen snapped, "Just . . . just leave me the fuck alone, all of you! You're inside my head all the fucking time. God, you're just . . . why are you all fucking doing this to me? It hurts, it hurts . . . it hurts . . ." Jensen's voice was almost a sob before he'd finished. "Do it on your own, I can't do this anymore."

"Jensen!" Clay barked, terrified by the implication of what he was hearing. Quieter, he said, "Jensen, talk to me." There was no response beyond a rustle of movement. "'k team, we've . . . umm . . . Jensen's out of commission for the moment. Cougar, I need to know the conditions for our exit. Roque's got the plans. Is the planned exit clear?"

"All guards still at their post," Cougar's response was curt. "Exits clear."

"K, so this is what we're going to do. Roque and I are going to exit as planned and meet Pooch. Cougar, you're heading back to base. Find Jensen, do what you have to. Pooch, is everything clear down there?"

"Yes sir! Just get back as soon as you can. We have more important places to be."

"We do. Cougar, are you moving yet?"

"But . . ."

"We can do this, Coug. Go, he needs us there. We'll be back as soon as we . . ." Clay's words were drowned out by a gut-wrenching scream that seemed to go on and on and on. Clay didn't bother asking if Cougar was still watching them when the scream finally petered out to a whimper and then silence broken only by pained panting. He just said, "Roque and I have commenced exit plan. Be ready, Pooch."

* * *

Cougar didn't think he'd ever covered ground so fast. As he stumbled his way through the warehouse door already shouting for Jensen, he knew there was nothing that would stop the panic but the sight of Jensen safe and well. He burst through the door to the room where they had left Jensen and was greeted by the sight of a wolf lying prone on the floor whimpering.

At his entrance, the wolf tried to lift its head, gave a small whine of pain before settling its head down again. He edged slowly into the room, one hand resting on his still sheathed weapon, the other held out toward the wolf. It whined again and closed its eyes.

Cougar stood for a moment, not moving closer, just taking the time to take in the full beauty of the animal before him. The wolf's fur looked soft, shades of grey surrounded its eyes, darkening to almost black up on the tips of its ears, then lightening again down the back of its head and into its shoulders. Its muzzle and haunches were cream veering to almost white.

Cougar lowered himself to the floor, close enough to touch, but kept his hands to himself and waited. The wolf lay still, eyes still closed, slight pants escaping between the quiet whines and whimpers. Eventually, its eyes opened, pain-filled and weary, their gaze settling on Cougar. Carefully, Cougar held out a hand, let the wolf sniff at it, his other hand still hovering beside his gun. The wolf looked warily from one hand to the other as if it knew what Cougar was thinking. There was a moment's pause before the wolf tilted its head enough to let its tongue sweep out and give a brief, tentative lick to the offered hand.

Slowly Cougar moved closer. He settled, waited until the wolf's gaze was on him again, then let his hand drift down to rest on the soft fur between the wolf's ears, giving a gentle stroke down the back of his head, before letting his fingers curl softly there at the back of the neck and just gently scratch. He wasn't sure but he thought he could read in the wolf's eyes a mix of relief combined with need.

For the first time ever, Cougar admitted to himself the truth of what he really felt for Jensen, as he murmured, "Mi amigo, qué te sucedía?"(3) It was more than simple friendship, had been for a long time now without him even realizing it and now more than ever, he wanted to protect Jensen.

Clay's voice broke through into his thoughts, "Cougar, you made it back yet? Status report? Where's Jensen? Is he alright?"

Cougar looked down at the wolf and wondered what he could say to that. The urge to protect Jensen was strong and this . . . he had no idea how the team would react to seeing Jensen like this. "Everything is under control," he answered, before wondering how he could be so certain this was Jensen, how there could be not even a shadow of a doubt. He took his earpiece out, hunted round for Jensen's finding it on the floor by the fallen chair where they had left the tech. He turned them both off and threw them on to the table beside the computer. He bent closer over the wolf, leaning in to bury his nose in the fur at the scruff of the wolf's neck and inhaled, before promising, "No te dejaré solo. Haré todo lo que pueda para mantenerte a salvo."(4)

The wolf tilted its head and licked at Cougar's face and Cougar smiled affectionately as the wolf nudged at his hat as if to topple it off his head. Cougar sat back and surveyed the room. Both kitbags were already packed. He lifted his own on to his back, then reached for Jensen's wondering how far he'd be able to carry both and lead the wolf before he found safety. He urged the wolf up on to its feet, saw as it struggled to stand. He knelt down again, dropping Jensen's pack in favor of running his hands over the wolf, looking for any sign of injury. There was nothing that he could see, no sign of blood or anything he recognized as misaligned bones but clearly the wolf was in pain.

He stood again, the need to get the wolf away to somewhere safe over-riding everything else. He didn't bother picking Jensen's pack up, just opened the top, took some of Jensen's clothes and stuffed them into his own. They wouldn't be able to make it far anyway. "Come," he said to the wolf and watched as it struggled to follow. He urged it to move faster, watched as its head drooped as it tried to cross the warehouse floor but when it stumbled to the floor for the second time, Cougar knew there would be no running. The wolf was struggling to its feet again, determination in its bearing and Cougar put a hand out to halt it, tears in his eyes. He dropped his pack and sat down on the floor, pulling the wolf closer, stunned by the trust in its eyes.

The wolf's head settled gently against Cougar's stomach, a small whimper escaping its lips. Its eyes closed and it shuffled forward an inch or two more, nose burrowing under Cougar's hand. Cougar dashed a hand across his eyes, wiping away the trace of tears, bent forward to lay a kiss into the fur on the back of the wolf's head, then leaving the one hand resting over the wolf's nose, he buried the other in the fur on its back, fingers gently scratching as the wolf relaxed into sleep.

He heard Pooch screech to a halt outside, the general melee of noise of the others climbing out and heading hurriedly for the door and he knew he couldn't let them hurt Jensen while he was like this. As a wolf, Jensen had made no attempt to bite, no attempt to hurt him. His mind briefly took him back to the huge maniacal wolf that had sunk its teeth into Jensen, the mad rage in its eyes, the utter evil that seemed to emanate from it. There had been no beauty or elegance to that wolf, no sense of reason. Insane. Jensen showed none of that here, now.

Cougar wondered for an instant if Jensen would become like that over time, if the pain he was in now was a sign of the madness to come later. Did this pain lead to that madness, a foreshadowing of things to come? Would he be able to end it all for Jensen before he hurt anyone? One thing Cougar knew for sure was that Jensen would never want to become that rabid beast, would never want to be allowed to inflict this suffering on another being.

As he looked down, he saw the wolf's eyes were open, gaze following him as if Jensen could read his thoughts and accepted them. He leant forward close to the wolf's ear and whispered, "Te lo prometo, mi amor, si alguien tenga que terminar esto para tí, seré yo. No permitaré que hagas daño a nadie, no permitaré que te conviertas en una bestia loca."(5) With that he gently pushed at the wolf's head and shifted it until Jensen understood the need to move.

Jensen's attention was on the doorway and the voices beyond and as Cougar stood and let his hand drift to his weapon again, Jensen whined. The wolf pushed himself up to his feet again and Cougar found his attention distracted from the door by the wolf's pain. Jensen moved to stand beside him but Cougar could almost feel the fear radiating from the wolf.

The door banged back against the wall, loud in the almost silent warehouse. Clay stood huge and forboding in the doorway. Cougar took a step forward, planting himself in front of the wolf and waited. "What the fuck, Cougar? I've been trying to get a status report from you for the last five minutes. Why the hell haven't you been answering?"

Cougar shrugged and waited.

Clay barely paused for breath, "And where the fuck is Jensen? Is he okay?" Pooch and Roque were flanking Clay now and it was Pooch that spotted the wolf first, reacting with a gasp and then a pointed finger, drawing Clay's attention to the wolf.

Clay's weapon was out and pointed at the wolf in an instant and Cougar was in his face, forcing the gun up and toward the ceiling milliseconds later. "No!" Cougar growled. "Don't!"

Clay pushed the sniper away angrily, "Give me one fucking good reason why not."

"It's Jensen," Cougar said plainly.

"Come again?"

"It's Jensen, he is . . . he is Hombre-lobo. . . I don't know the name . . . The bite . . . the moon . . . he changed."

"Werewolf!" Pooch laughed. "Oh come on Cougs, man, Jensen's a werewolf. You've been watching too many scary movies, bro. Whatever that is behind you it's i_not_/i Jensen, can't be Jensen. I don't know where it's come from and maybe it's eaten Jensen and that's why he's not here, but it sure as fuck isn't Jensen!"

"Pooch has a point," Clay agreed, bringing his gun round to point at the wolf again. "And if you seriously want me to believe that Jensen is a werewolf, then it's even more reason to shoot him now before he hurts anyone. Jensen wouldn't want to harm an innocent."

"No!" Cougar threw himself at Clay forcing him away. "Don't, please don't do this. Just . . . just trust me, he won't harm anyone." There was a pause and then he added, "I won't let him." The wolf picked that moment to limp forward, nose pushing in against the hand hanging by Cougar's side, pushing forward until the fingers slid into the soft fur again. Cougar breathed, calming down and saying again, "I won't let him harm anyone."

Clay had seen the wolf's struggle to cross the room, taken note of the way it showed no signs of aggression, although there was plenty of evidence of fear. Its tail was down, tucked between its legs, its gaze down towards Clay's feet. Clay wasn't a commanding officer for nothing and he recognized the signs of submission when he saw them, even if they were being demonstrated by a completely different species. Clay holstered his weapon, but kept his hand near it, knew that both Pooch and Roque would be ready as well. He looked straight at Cougar and said, "Stand aside, soldier," saw the battle in Cougar's eyes not to abandon the wolf, yet not wanting to disobey an order. He repeated the order again, calm and without anger, turning his attention then to the wolf.

The wolf was showing even more signs of submission than before. Ironic, Clay thought, that the wolf would make a far more obviously obedient soldier than Jensen. "Jensen," he said quietly. The wolf twitched, a shiver down its spine and its head lifted for a moment before dropping again. Clay knelt down, held out a hand, wondered how like dogs wolves actually were, whether the wolf would recognize this as a sign of wanting to be able to accept the wolf as not being a threat and not as an invitation to take a bite.

The wolf edged forward, sniffed at the offered hand, then hesitantly lapped at the finger tips before starting to lie down. Clay was again drawn to the awkwardness of its movements. "What's the matter with it?" he asked, sparing a glance for Cougar.

"He's hurt, but I don't know . . . I . . . Lo siento, I couldn't find anything wrong but . . ."

"But you don't really know what you're looking for . . . Fuck! Jensen, how do you do this? How do you get yourself into this fucking shit?" Clay exclaimed.

Pooch gave a high pitched squeak, "Seriously, you're falling for this shit? A werewolf! A fucking werewolf! You believe this?"

Clay rounded on him. "Give me an alternative then, Pooch. Give me a fucking explanation that makes more sense than that is Jensen! I'm willing to hear it . . . No, I take that back. I i_want_/i to fucking hear it, I _insist_ on fucking hearing it, because I sure as hell don't want to have to explain to anyone that that is Jensen," he finished with a final jab in the direction of the wolf.

"I – I don't know," Pooch stammered.

Roque pushed past Clay, striding over to the wolf, knife in one hand. The wolf watched, coming back to its feet and standing its ground, yet still offering signs of submission, tail down and head tilted, yet this time its teeth were on show for an instant, a slight growl followed by a whimper, to which Roque said, "Fuck if I know how, but if that isn't a mixed up fucking wolf just like Jensen's a mixed up fucking soldier." He stopped in front of the wolf, glaring viciously but not making a move closer. He waited and then for no apparent reason, re-sheathed his knife and continued to wait.

Cautiously the wolf edged forward, sniffing at his feet. "If you fucking pee on me or sniff my crotch, Jensen, I will gut you," Roque declared ominously. The wolf lifted its head almost speculatively, then flopped down over Roque's feet with an escaping humpf of air, dropping its head on to its paws and looking disconsolately across at Pooch.

"Aw, Jensen!" Pooch whined, "Don't look at me like that. Okay, okay, it's you, I got it! Geez man! Those eyes are deadly weapons."

Cougar relaxed as the imminent threat receded. He strolled over and dropped to his knees beside Roque, reaching out to ruffle a hand in Jensen's fur, before encouraging the wolf to stand. He led him across to Pooch, encouraging him to sniff round the man. Pooch stood stiffly to attention, eyes wide and fearful, but the wolf did nothing sudden and eventually Pooch began to relax. Eventually Jensen stopped his sniffing and looked up at Pooch with deep soulful eyes as he let out a pitiful whine.

"Aw, Jensen! You're breaking my heart here," Pooch complained, before kneeling down and reaching out to run a hand over the wolf's head. "You promise you won't hurt me," he guided the wolf so that he could look deep into its eyes, so intent that he missed the sight of its tongue coming out and swiping at his chin. "Gross, but yeah, I guess we love ya too. Have to say though, man, this form is a hell of a lot quieter than your other one. When will we be seeing the other you again, huh?"

"That's a good question," Clay interrupted. "So does anyone know anything about werewolves? He is going to change back, isn't he? Tell me he is going to change back because I sure as hell don't want to explain this to his sister!"

"I can see it now . . . Clay banging on the door to Jensen's sister, her opening the door and him saying 'Hey, just thought I'd give your brother a lift home, good to see you, got to run.' You'd be out of there, Clay, before she had time to even see that you'd left a wolf on her doorstep."

"Seriously, you've met Jensen's sister . . . that woman wouldn't miss a thing, she'd know and there'd be no escape. She's very fond of her little brother too and heaven help anyone who harms him. Seriously I'm always amazed that the Iraqi soldiers didn't run away as soon as they knew Jensen had been deployed – between his mouth and his sister's ferocity – I'd run!" The other men laughed, the lightened mood only lasting a moment before Jensen tried to move again and let out another whimper of pain.

"Okay, so we have a number of things to deal with and obviously we're going to have to change our plans somewhat. There's no way we're going to get on any planes home, while we've got a wolf with us. So we need to get those weapon plans out of here and home quickly and at this point in time we don't have Jensen's technical skills to send them electronically. We need to get Jensen turned back into a human, because lovely as the quiet is, he's no fucking good to us as technical support like this. We also need to figure out who we can turn to so it doesn't happen again. We need somewhere to stay or hide or go in the meantime while we're figuring everything else out. So . . . suggestions?"

Pooch started the ball rolling with, "We've got the truck. I can get her filled up with gas and we're good to go. There's room in there for us and Jensen like this and we don't need to deal with anyone else."

"Good point. That's a start."

"Isn't this like a moon thing?" Roque gave a wave of his hand in Jensen's direction. "So if we let him howl at the moon will he turn back?"

"Full moon . . . legend says it is tied with the cycle of the moon. Perhaps he will remain like this for as long as the moon is full," Cougar's words were quiet, reluctant like he didn't want to voice them.

"Then full moon must be tonight, so he'll be fine by morning. We can cope with that. We move from here, pack up, get him and all the stuff in the truck and head out. He changes back in the morning and we can wander straight in to get flights home," Clay sounded relieved.

Pooch was reluctant to actually break the optimism, particularly when he wasn't totally sure of his facts, but he vaguely remembered some trivia thing that Jensen had been rambling about months and months ago about moon cycles. How ironic was it that it had been Jensen to give him the information back then before any of them could have imagined this? "Er, boss . . . I'm not one hundred per cent sure on this, but, hell it was Jensen who was rambling months ago, so I guess there's probably at least some truth in it . . ." At Clay's growl to spit it out, Pooch continued, "Well it was something about full moon being one night a month but that to the naked eye here on Earth and all that jazz it looks full for I think it was three nights, so . . . I guess what I'm saying is we need to find out whether tonight is the actual full moon to see whether this is it or not?"

"Hell! Seriously? So what, does he change back when the moon goes down or . . .the sun comes up or is he like this the whole time or . . .? Fuck!" Clay finished angrily. "You, Pooch, go . . . go fiddle with Jensen's computer and do something to find out . . . just find something fucking useful . . ."

"Seriously? You want me to just go 'Google' werewolf and see if I come up with some beginner's guide to owning your own werewolf. I'm sure that'll turn up a load of reliable information!" Pooch snarked as he marched towards Jensen's computer. "And why is it always me who has to lay my life on the line and 'fiddle' with Jensen's computers. You guys are all just great big fucking pussy cowards when it comes to dealing with Jensen and his computers!"

"Actually, _Sergeant_, you follow my orders! And my order is to 'fiddle' with Jensen's computers, do you have a problem with that?"

"No sir," Pooch relented.

"Start by finding out exactly how long this fucking full moon lasts, because yes, even I am well aware that the Internet is not a place filled solely with reliable facts provided by knowledgeable people, but is actually a junk heap at least half of which is created by a bunch of weirdos with freaking stupid imaginations, but somewhere . . . God help us let it be true . . . somewhere in the pile of stinking shit, there might just be a grain of truth that gets us out of this mess! And after Jensen . . . who we all know has some God-given gift for navigating through the shit and finding what we need . . . after Jensen, you are the next best thing, however fucking poor that next best thing might be."

"Yes sir." A much-subdued Pooch headed through to start his pick and peck two fingered mode of typing, thankful that he knew that Jensen had set up a system on his laptop to aid them in their searches when he wasn't available. Somehow he didn't expect to find anything on werewolves but Jensen had said something about having created a better search engine than Google, something that was better at filtering out the dross. Pooch sure as hell hoped it could do that now, as he thought of the difference between the beautiful wolf outside with its head in Cougar's lap and the Hammer Horror style of werewolf.

He could hear the voices outside, knew Clay would be trying to figure out a plan of action, or maybe a whole series of plans depending on what he found out. It only took a few minutes to get verification on the full moon information and so buoyed up by his success he typed in the word 'werewolf' and crossed his fingers before hitting 'enter'.

He almost laughed when up popped a box that said, "Seriously? You're looking up the word 'werewolf' on my laptop? Do you want to continue? Press Y for Yes and N for No . . . Bear in mind I'll know and if this is just some freaking joke, I will torture you slowly when I get back." It was just so Jensen.

He pressed 'Y' and was then presented with another box, this one asking him to choose from a set of options. He read them carefully, before deciding that it was a definite no to film werewolves and fictional books featuring werewolves, yes to legends and lore and yes to scientific research. Seriously if Google could add a feature like this, the internet would be a whole lot more useful to a darn sight more people . . . and maybe some of the weirdos would pack up and go away.

Next box asked if he wanted to narrow his search down to certain cultures or localities. He pondered narrowing it to the Eastern European and Russian area but relented in case one of the other cultures had something more useful. Hitting enter again, he was presented with another Jensenism if there ever was one, "Go away and come back in ten minutes. There is genius at work here and genius requires good music like Journey which I notice you're not providing and food again not noticeable at this time, but then again maybe I don't need that if I'm not here. I'm sure you have something better to do while I peruse the wealth of information. Leave now before I electrocute you!" Pooch leapt back just in case by some quirk Jensen had actually programmed the laptop to give out a shock.

* * *

Back out in the main area of the warehouse, Cougar and Clay were collecting up all of their belongings, packing up the last of Roque's and Pooch's kits when Pooch walked back in. "So the full moon – from here looks like three days in terms of what you can see. Actual full moon is tomorrow so that backs that up. Werewolf search is still underway, but the laptop threatened to electrocute me if I hung around while it worked so I figured I'd come out here and see what I could do to help for a few minutes. Where's Roque?"

"He's gone to 'liberate' some gas. You want something to do, finish packing up your kit. Cougar's doing Roque's, his and Jensen's are done, bar the tech stuff which we won't touch until we have to. Jensen's asleep, we think."

"What's the matter with him?"

"No idea. We tried to check him for injuries again, but lack of knowledge of wolf anatomy aside, we can't find anything specific wrong. Dunno what to do beyond that until we get more information or Jensen figures out a way to actually tell us what's wrong." As if on cue, the wolf whimpered again in its sleep, body twitching and shifting as if trying to find comfort. Clay and Pooch watched as Cougar crossed back to the wolf's side and laid a hand on the wolf's head, stroking gently until the wolf settled again and the whimpers evened out.

Pooch leaned closer to Clay and tilted his shoulder to block his next words from the other occupants of the room. "Is Cougar okay?" Clay shrugged, glanced back over his shoulder, sighed and shrugged again, waving a hand at the bag Pooch was supposed to be packing.

It didn't take long for the warehouse to be cleared of everything but Jensen's technical equipment, all their belongings stacked by the door awaiting Roque's return with the truck. The sound of the engine approaching was enough to have Clay and Cougar at the door ready to pack, while Pooch headed back into the smaller room to see what Jensen's computer had turned up.

There on the screen in front of him was a list of relevant pages. He clicked to open the first and read, "Lycanthropy from the Greek 'lykoi' meaning 'wolf' and 'anthropos' meaning 'man'." He scanned the page quickly, taking in the pictures of scary looking beasts tearing bodies apart or howling at the moon, that illustrated the long list of countries with werewolf legends.

He clicked back and tried a second page which included a list of how to spot a werewolf and had to smile at the list of identifying features which included a birthdate of 25 December and red hair, hairs on the palm and on the inside of the skin. He pondered for a moment how you were supposed to spot hair on the inside of someone else's skin. He was reminded of Clay's analysis of people who posted information on the internet as being 'weirdos' and figured that he definitely had a point.

Just before he hit the back button again though he caught sight of a note that said throwing iron or steel over a werewolf's head would force it to change back. The rest of the page had been fantastical but he figured it wouldn't be difficult to try and hey if it worked, it was one to the weirdos.

As quickly as he could he scanned the next few pages, coming up with little of use, beyond the importance of 'pack' to wolves and werewolves alike, the need for fresh raw meat to feed the wolf inside. There were a number of people insisting that they were werewolves or some who insisted on being called lycans. Some of the stories were beyond the ridiculous but the common theme seemed to be that they could change back and forth at will although the urge to be a wolf was far stronger when the moon was full.

The next couple of pages talked mostly about how to kill a wolf and the need for silver bullets, so Pooch just skipped those because they'd already proved that to be untrue with the way they'd killed the wolf that had infected Jensen.

Clay came in behind him a short while later. "Find anything more?"

"Not really, nothing that I could seriously put any weight behind saying it's true. There's something about throwing steel or iron over a wolf's head making it change back, others saying they can change to and from at will. Some say they can only change when the moon is full, others say anytime but the urge to do it is greater and a whole lot of stuff that is even weirder and even less likely to be true!"

"Okay, pack it up, we can't hang around any longer. Grab what you can and load it up, we're heading out. We've already put all the rest of the gear in the truck."

Pooch started to close everything down on the screen and as soon as the power died down, he started unplugging wires and cables and packing things up, thankful when Cougar joined him and the job was done much quicker. It was a surprise when Cougar said, "Clay said you found nothing to help."

"I'm sorry, Cougs. . . I did my best."

"I know that." Cougar turned to carry the box he had just packed out without another word.

* * *

**Spanish to English Translation**

(1) " You should go to sleep"

(2) "Rest, my friend"

(3) "My friend, what's happening to you?

(4) "I will not leave you alone. I will do everything I can to keep you safe."

(5) "I promise you, my love, if anyone has to end this for you, it will be me. I won't let you hurt anyone, I won't let you become a mad beast."


	3. We Are A Team    All Of Us

**Chapter Three - We're A Team . . . All of Us**

_"__To see the earth as we now see it, small and beautiful in that eternal silence where it floats, is to see ourselves as riders on the earth together, brothers on that bright loveliness in the unending night—brothers who see now they are truly brothers"_ _(Archibald McLeish) _

_

* * *

_

Two days. Two whole freakin' days and Jensen was still stuck in the form of a wolf. Clay was pulling his hair out. He had no idea what to do, not for Jensen, not for the rest of the team. He needed to do something, needed to give an order, have a plan, something. They'd found an abandoned farm out in the middle of nowhere and had settled in for the night, taking advantage of the shelter and protection the building could provide. The others were asleep, it was his watch. Jensen whined and shifted. Moments like this with no answers and just the sight of his team suffering left Clay feeling like an utter failure.

This was his command, he was supposed to have the answers to everything and if he didn't, they were supposed to come from on high. But here he was in the middle of this absolute clusterfuck, with no clue what to do and no one to give him orders about how to deal with this. It wasn't even like he could call someone up to ask. Yeah, 'cause that conversation would go well, "Hey General, you know that mission we went on to rescue the undercover CIA guy, well it's like this. . . one of my men got bitten by a wolf, it all healed up so I forgot to mention it before . . . and now it turns out there was a bit of a side-effect and you see . . . my man's sorta been turned into a wolf and I can't quite figure out how to turn him back. Any suggestions?" Clay sighed and glanced over to find Jensen's eyes open and looking at him. "You feeling like turning back any time soon, Corporal?"

The wolf heaved himself up to his feet and padded slowly across to Clay. Clay ran a hand through the soft fur affectionately and murmured, "I am so sorry, Jensen. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't." The wolf turned his head and lapped at Clay's hand. "That doesn't get any less gross, you know." Clay smiled. The wolf whined in pain, suddenly arching his back away from Clay. He whimpered and lifted a paw to bat at his own head. Clay moved closer to try and stop the panicked pawing but Jensen just pulled away again with a louder whine.

The commotion woke the others, all of them instantly alert. Jensen's reactions grew more frantic and he scratched at the door of the farmhouse they were hiding in. Roque was the first to react, crossing the room to open the door and let him out, turning to Clay as he said, "Seriously man, he's an animal, we're lucky he didn't just cock his leg and pee in here!"

"No!" Clay was already running for the door to try and see which way the wolf had vanished into the surrounding trees. "Shit! He was in pain. I think – I think maybe he's about to change back! Everybody, comms on, get out there and find him. Stay in constant contact, we can't afford to lose him. Weapons at the ready and be prepared . . . the other possibility is he's turning . . . that the madness we saw in that other wolf is kicking in."

"No!" Cougar was furious at the suggestion and grabbing his earpiece and his sidearm, he was out the door before Clay could say anything else.

Roque was close enough to the door to see which way Cougar went into the woods, directing the others to split up and each head in a different direction from the sniper.

* * *

The comms chatter was constant, Clay insisting on almost continuous status reports from each of the team. The distraction was frustrating and Cougar wanted nothing more than to turn his earpiece off, but he knew better than to disobey orders. Silently he prayed for Jensen, prayed that they would find him, prayed that he would be sane still, prayed that they could find an answer to save him from suffering like this.

He almost missed the muffled whine under the sound of Pooch reporting and the weight of his own thoughts. He stilled, focussed in on where he thought the sound had come from, heard a rustle and turned toward it.

The next sound was unmistakeable; a long lonely howl to the moon that could only belong to Jensen. It was filled with a world of pain and despair that Cougar wished he could take away. Slowly and carefully he picked his way through the undergrowth, ignoring the questions and reports from the rest of his team sounding in his ear.

He heard whining, guttural groans and shifting, scuffling. The pain that Jensen had been in over the last few days was nothing compared to the pain saturating the sounds he was making now, reminiscent of the gut-churning screams that had marked Jensen's change into a wolf. He heard it then, a horrible ripping sound, a slow torturous grinding like pieces of rock being pulled slowly across each other which he imagined was the twist and shift of bones and by the time he had cleared his way through the last of the undergrowth, there was Jensen . . . the man, naked, pale and exhausted. He called out Jensen's name, but the other man barely had enough energy left to lift his head, certainly not enough to answer.

Cougar noted that Jensen was fully conscious of his surroundings as he watched the younger man shift and try to hide his nakedness, doing anything he could to avoid meeting Cougar's eyes. Cougar could feel the embarrassment burning through his friend from where he stood. Without a sound he stepped closer, dropped down behind Jensen and gathered him into his arms, feeling the tension in the younger man's body, as he fought to remain stoic.

"Everything will be alright, Jensen. We'll figure it out," he whispered softly, a gentle hand ghosting over Jensen's skin. "Te lo prometo." (1)

"Coug 'r. . ." Jensen's voice was raw, little more than a whisper. "I – I . . . It . . . I couldn't help it, it just happened . . ." He sounded like a man at the edge of his tolerance, nearing the limit of what he could endure.

Shushing his teammate, Cougar encouraged him to lie still, then began to speak to the rest of the team, deliberately keeping his voice calm and quiet, unpanicked as if there were nothing to worry about. "Clay . . ." he waited for a response before continuing. "I have Jensen. I need clothes and . . ."

"What's happened to your clothes, man?" The barely held back laugh was clear in Pooch's voice. "Did Jensen pee on you when you found him?"

Cougar gave a half laugh in reply, the weight on his heart lifting with Jensen's human presence. "They're not for me, they're for Jensen," he clarified.

"As in Jensen-Jensen? Human-Jensen? Seriously?" Pooch's exclamations were enthusiastic.

Clay's intervention calmed everyone back down, reminding them all of the seriousness of their current situation. A quick decision on his part sent Pooch for clothes and then out into the woods again to find Cougar and Jensen. Since he and Roque were further out in the opposite direction, they would just make their way back to the farmhouse, where they would pack up the rest of the gear so they could head out.

* * *

It took Pooch, Cougar and Jensen a while to make their way back to the farm and by the time they got there, Clay was pacing anxiously. Jensen limped into the clearing under his own steam but barely, Cougar and Pooch flanking him, each reaching out to steady him every time he stumbled.

"Thank fuck!" Clay exclaimed, immediately pacing forward and reaching out towards Jensen as he stumbled yet again.

Pooch gave a quick shake of his head as Clay tried to hook Jensen's arm over his shoulder and the younger man growled, "I got it! I'm not a fuckin' baby." His voice was hoarse, his words slightly slurred.

It was Roque who distracted everyone's attention by calling out "Load it up, boys, we're heading out! Come on, Jensen, man up! What are you some kind of pussy?"

"Fuck you," Jensen growled, spurred on to make it to the back of the truck, where he stopped short as the reality of needing to climb into the back dawned along with the realization that there was no way he was going to manage it alone.

Before he had time to think, Roque had hooked an arm around his waist and with a quick, "Come on, princess! Up you get!" had hoisted Jensen half way into the back of the truck allowing Cougar to pull him the rest of the way in. "What no back chat? Christ, Jensen, you're seriously letting us down here," Roque verbally poked again.

"You're an asshole," Jensen murmured. "Fuck off and let me sleep."

"Weak even for you, Corporal. Our very own motormouth has nothing to say, so has hell frozen over or is the apocalypse starting?" Wearily Jensen lifted one arm and flipped him the bird, before curling into the corner of the truck bed and closing his eyes.

Clay and Pooch had climbed into the front and the engine was already running as Cougar covered Jensen with a sleeping bag and a blanket stolen from the farmhouse to keep him warm, laying a hand on his forehead before settling down beside him without a word, pulling his hat down to hide his expression.

* * *

With the truck moving and everyone else occupied, or at least not expecting a response from him, Cougar had time to think about Jensen. He was relieved that he had Jensen back in human form, but had little doubt that come the next full moon, the wolf would return.

He was concerned by the toll the change had taken on Jensen; the wolf had been in constant pain and it seemed that Jensen was still hurting now, although there was no indication of how long he would continue to suffer. Jensen was vulnerable in a way he never had been in all the time Cougar had known him, brief periods of recovery after actual physical injury aside. The vulnerability encompassed more than just pain and weakness though. The period of change left him open to attack and the change from wolf to man, left him naked and unprotected in a form that no one would think twice about attacking. At least in wolf form, he would be somewhat protected by the fear of wolves most humans carried within.

When he had found Jensen in the woods, he had been able to hold him, offer a little support and protection, but with Pooch's approach, Jensen had pulled away, hidden from sight demanding they leave his clothes and move away. Cougar had lingered long enough to know that Jensen was not really in a state to stand long enough to dress himself, yet sheer stubborn determination got him clothed and through the slow trek back to the truck under his own power. Cougar's breath had caught innumerable times as Jensen had stumbled, staggered and almost fallen.

Roque's rough handling when they finally got back had riled Cougar, but in retrospect he realized, it had been what Jensen needed. The no-nonsense soldier in Roque hadn't offered sympathy, hadn't tried to coddle the younger man. He'd recognized the pain, the inability to accomplish what was needed alone and he'd done what needed to be done without preamble. The rough words had been enough to get Jensen fighting back and not needing to admit to being the weak one; the failure.

"Get some sleep, man," Roque grunted with a kick to Cougar's leg, not needing to see Cougar's face to know he was awake and lost in thought. "He'll still be there when you wake up."

Cougar felt tremors coursing through Jensen's body and reached to lay a hand against his forehead to check for a temperature. "He cold?" Roque asked. Cougar shrugged unsure what was the matter.

"'K guys," Clay leaned over from the front. "It hasn't been a good night, rest-wise. You two go ahead and bunk down with Jensen, get some sleep now. Pooch and I will keep driving for the time being. We're not heading back in yet; there will likely be too many questions about where we've been for the last few days. We'll give ourselves some time, head for the border, cross over and work on getting transport back from there. Pooch figures we can get at least a good two or three hours of driving done now with no real problem, then we'll take a break and you two can take over. I'm going to leave Jensen out of the rotation until we're sure what his condition is and what he's up to doing. I'd rather leave him out of the watch rotation and have him with enough energy to help if we run into any trouble."

Just at that moment Jensen twisted in his sleep, head crashing into the side of the truck, making everyone else cringe although it didn't wake him up. Cougar placed a hand on his forehead and Jensen calmed. Clay frowned with concern, relieved when Jensen settled again. He looked at Cougar as he asked, "Can you keep close? Look out for him?"

Cougar nodded, already shifting over Jensen to put himself between Jensen and the side of the truck so that if Jensen twisted again, he would be less likely to bang his head against the bare metal. Roque grabbed his own pack and bedded down at Jensen's back, protecting and warming him from the other side.

* * *

Clay looked over the seat again, drawn by the sound of unrest in the back of the truck. Cougar was awake and trying to still Jensen who was clearly in the throes of yet another nightmare. Roque was watching quietly too. Clay wasn't sure what the answers were beyond getting his men home and then trying to deal with this, although hell if he knew how.

Suddenly with a violent twist and a flail of his arm that would have given Cougar a bloody nose, if he hadn't jerked his head out of the way in time, Jensen turned into Cougar's space, somehow burying his head into the hollow between Cougar's neck and shoulder. They all heard the inhalation of breath from Jensen, saw as his hand clamped onto Cougar's shirt. As he let the breath out, the tension of the nightmare seemed to leave him, but he didn't move from his position tight against Cougar.

For a brief moment, Clay wondered if it was a sign of the wolf within asserting itself, given that Jensen as a wolf had spent most of his time with his head on Cougar's lap or stomach over the last few days. As Jensen settled again, Roque lay back down and turned his back, his intention to return to sleep clear.

Cougar's hand lay protectively over the back of Jensen's head, fingers sifting gently through the fine hair there, his eyes focussed intently on the younger man. Clay had seen the look before, a cross between predator and protector, a mix of lust and the desire to defend. He'd seen it turn bad, seen older men use power and experience to subdue those who were new to the team, but he'd also seen the opposite where the desired had turned on the desirer.

Clay saw Cougar blink and the look was gone from his eyes, all that remained was the protector and Clay's fear faded away.

* * *

Cougar knew Clay was watching, had seen Jensen flail and turn into him, head burrowing into his neck, but he ignored his superior's scrutiny in favor of providing Jensen with the comfort he needed, sheltering him from his nightmares.

Cougar knew that Clay would continue to watch them closely. He resigned himself to hiding his feelings in all the ways that he could, not letting even Jensen know the truth of how he felt. He let himself drop, settling further down to curl around Jensen as the younger man maintained his grip on Cougar's shirt and his head stayed burrowed in Cougar's neck. "Yo te protegeré por todos modos, sea lo que sea. Estaré aquí contigo,"(2) he whispered, too softly for anyone else to hear.

Jensen's hand seemed to clench tighter in his shirt and Cougar relished the contact, the opportunity to protect without question.

* * *

They were on their second day of driving when Jensen woke up and started talking . . . non-stop. Random facts spewed from him in the way the others had grown used to over his time with the team. Poking his head between the seats, he took in his surroundings before beginning to randomly ask questions, half of which he also made a fair attempt at answering himself before Pooch or Clay, who were up front again, had a chance to reply. From talk about the rain that was falling and how much rain they could expect for the season and location, he moved on to the vegetation around them.

Every time anyone else tried to direct the conversation, Jensen spoke louder, talking over them. So they'd ended up driving the rest of the day and crossing the border without anyone managing to get a response from Jensen as to how he was feeling or what it had felt like to be a wolf.

Jensen knew he was being annoying, kind of regretted it, but the need to not talk about what had happened over the last few days was greater. He knew Clay couldn't let it go forever, knew he would have to talk about it at some point, but right now he didn't think he could bear to have to put any of the experience into words or what would happen next. He'd have to leave the army – it wasn't exactly safe to have a werewolf wandering around on missions, and it wasn't like the wolf would be of any use, even if he were allowed to accompany the team.

He figured he was bright enough to work out what was coming, a discharge . . . if he was lucky it wouldn't be dishonourable and then . . . well then, the army would probably insist on him being locked up or shot. And so Jensen talked, he talked and talked so no one else could, so no one could point out what was coming. He shivered despite the forced hyperactivity, trying to ignore the weight of everyone else's eyes on him.

* * *

Clay could feel the anger growing inside him, the urge to smack Jensen upside the head and tell him to shut the fuck up if he wasn't going to talk about something useful, like what had happened for instance. He could feel his nerves ratcheting up to match the adrenaline that was clearly coursing full speed through Jensen's body. He turned his eyes back to the front, catching Pooch's gaze for an instant. "An hour," he murmured, "Can you get us somewhere in an hour?"

Pooch snorted a half laugh, "Of course I can get you _somewhere_, the question should be can I get you somewhere _useful_! The answer to which is I can't be sure, but I'll keep my eyes peeled."

Clay nodded and went back to staring out of the window and doing his best not to listen to Jensen and not give the order for Roque to gag him.

* * *

It was a little over an hour later when Pooch slowed the truck to a stop and let the engine die. For a moment there was silence as even Jensen said nothing. Clay looked into the back of the truck, taking note that all eyes were on Jensen, whose eyes were closed, his teeth biting his lower lip. Yeah, Clay figured they all knew what was going to happen now, but he needed to delay it for just a little longer. "Everybody out, make camp," his order was curt and the whole team reacted instantly.

Clay was thankful that Jensen had reacted, had followed his order. He was still part of the team and Clay needed to make sure he stayed that way. Everything was almost set up before Clay spoke again, sending Roque and Cougar out to search the area beyond the perimeter they'd established initially and ordering Pooch to fix them all something to eat.

That left Jensen standing in front of him. "Walk with me," he said simply, leading the younger man away from the camp to give them a little privacy. He found an area with a few fallen logs and waved Jensen in the direction of one of them before sitting on another himself. "I know you don't want to talk about this, but . . . Jensen, we have to face up to what's happened and figure out what we're going to do about it." Jensen gave a small nod, but didn't say anything.

"I need you to tell me about it. . . Jensen, you _have_ to tell me about what we've just been through from your position, I need to . . . I need to know what you know about what happened."

Jensen nodded again, fingers twisting in his lap. He looked away, took a deep breath and then began to talk, "I – I don't really know what to say. I remember . . . I remember feeling strange for like a while before, then there was this . . . God, there was this awful pain, just like . . ." One hand came up to his face and he took a moment or two to collect himself before he could continue. "The next thing I remember was Cougar being there and being torn between recognizing him and . . . and being afraid of him. I was in pain, I kept trying to will myself back into my body, make myself into me again. Nothing happened, I couldn't change . . . the more I tried the more pain I was in . . . but I tried . . . I tried."

Clay could hear the desperation in his voice, did his best to reassure Jensen that he understood before encouraging him to continue.

"I dunno, I sort of knew what was happening, what you were saying to me and doing, but . . . but not completely. I – I don't know how to explain." Clay gave a nod and so Jensen moved on. "When it came time to change back . . . I could feel it inside . . . everything I'd tried to do to make it happen and then it just suddenly came over me . . . it's like my bones are twisting and changing and . . . Fuck!" Jensen stopped again, choked and Clay moved closer, resting a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "I couldn't control it, Clay, I couldn't control it!"

"I know, son, I know. I need to ask you something else though, Jensen, and I need you to be honest with me. . . When you were the wolf, did you . . . did you feel like you were going to hurt anyone, attack anyone?"

Jensen shook his head, taking a moment. "I didn't feel much . . . but I felt like I needed to be . . . to be with all of you, like it was important to be together, like – like family? I guess . . . I guess I'd have felt like hurting anyone who hurt one of you . . ." Jensen's voice drifted quieter, but he finished with a whispered, "Why didn't you just shoot me?"

"I don't want to be shooting any of my own team . . . I don't want to be _losing_ any of my team, Jensen, and you are very much part of my team. I'll be honest with you, my first reaction was to shoot you . . . to shoot you before you could hurt anyone else, but Cougar wasn't going to let that happen. He could see that you weren't about to hurt anyone, that inside it was still you. Team's important to all of us, Jake. Like you said, we're a family and 'pack' is important to a wolf as well. We're your pack. Now our problems aren't over, we've got a lot of stuff to work out around this and what it means to you and to us, but we've got a bit of time and, hey, this time, we know that we won't be in the middle of a mission when you change." Jensen nodded, but his eyes remained downcast and Clay could see the weight still dragging on his shoulders, knew he needed to say something more to ease that weight, but before he could say anything, Jensen spoke.

"Will you report me? What will happen to my – my sister?"

Clay frowned, unsure what Jensen was trying to say. "Report you to who? The medics? For the moment, no. I know someone, a doctor . . . it'll take me a little while to track him down, but we can trust him. I'll get him to do a full medical on you, we can trust that it won't go any further . . . After that, well, then we'll know where we stand. We'll know what we can and can't take you to the ordinary medics for. Right now, we don't know what's different about your body and I don't want anyone we can't trust finding out about what happened. We will protect you, Jake, you are still part of this team. You got hurt on our watch and we've got your back through whatever comes next, I promise. As to your sister, I'm not sure what you mean?"

"Doesn't matter . . ."Jensen looked away again.

"It does matter. You think I'm not going to let you go see your sister?" Clay asked. Jensen shrugged. Clay frowned, "Tell me what is going through that convoluted, overworked brain of yours!"

"You've answered . . . I – I thought maybe I'd be discharged . . . or . . . or you know, get fragged or TWEPed or something . . . I just want to make sure my sister will be taken care of . . . if . . . if something happens."

"Fuck, Jensen! I'm not going to let anything like that happen to you and I promise you your sister will be taken care of no matter what . . . For right now, I'm inclined to think that we don't . . . don't tell your sister. The less she knows, the more she's protected, until we know more . . . that okay with you?" Jensen nodded. Clay sighed. "Jensen, look at me . . . You aren't in this alone. I know," he held a hand up to stop Jensen saying anything, "I know the rest of us don't know what it's like, what exactly you're going through, but we are here and we'll do all we can to help."

* * *

By the time Clay and Jensen returned to the clearing, Pooch had everything ready to eat and Roque was already waiting to eat. Cougar was leaning against a tree waiting as well. His posture relaxed a fraction when he saw them and when Jensen sat down, he moved to sit next to him. "Okay," Clay said, once they were all seated, "We've crossed the border. We'll wait out the night here. Jensen, we brought your stuff with us from the warehouse, will you be able to find us a way out of here . . . get us some flights?"

"Yes sir," he said, immediately starting to put down the plate he'd been eating off of.

Clay looked astonished, but it was Cougar who reached out, took hold of Jensen's arm and pulled him back down, before handing him back his plate and saying, "Eat now, work later. You need the energy."

Jensen looked anxiously at Clay who gestured to the plate with an "Eat!" before turning back to his own food.

* * *

It took Jensen less than an hour to arrange for a flight out of the nearest airport, a mere six hours drive away. He gave the details to Clay before moving away from the group with his laptop and getting back to work.

Pooch went to sit by him and tried to start up a conversation. "I tried to find out something to help you, man . . . you know while you were . . . changed." Jensen nodded, but didn't look up, fingers flying over the keyboard.

"Jensen . . ." Jensen's eyes came up to meet Pooch's. "I'm sorry I didn't find anything that helped, man. I really am."

"'S okay. Not like . . ." Jensen stopped as if he'd changed his mind what he was going to say. "You tried, 's not like it's something we deal with every day. Thanks, man. I figure I'll just, you know, have a look myself . . . see if I can dig up anything."

Two hours later, Jensen discovered that the rest of his team were determined to have his back and look out for him, even when his own opinion as to what he needed differed from theirs. Roque snatched away his laptop, handing it to Pooch to turn off and pack away before dragging Jensen across to Cougar who had laid out their bed rolls in the back of the truck. They manhandled him into the back of the truck, Roque pushing him towards his bedroll with the final instruction to "Get some fuckin' sleep, Corporal! You're no good to anyone if you spend half the night surfing for porn!"

Jensen turned as if to bite back before having second thoughts. Without another word, he turned to his bedroll and lay down, closing his eyes and ignoring his teammates. He heard as Roque jumped down from the truck, heard as he said, "Get some sleep, Alvarez. I'll be back soon."

Cougar lay down beside Jensen without a word. The two men lay in silence, Cougar's breathing steady and even and Jensen's racing then settling, then picking up again. Time passed and Jensen was no closer to being able to rest so Cougar rolled onto his side to face the younger man, saying quietly, "Jensen, we will not leave you, we will not harm you."

"Maybe you should . . . maybe you should have just put me down when you first found me, Coug. I'm a fuckin' animal now, who knows what I'll do. You saw him, you saw that bastard wolf that did this to me. What makes you think I'm not going to end up like that? You should have killed me."

"No! No, I know you are not like that wolf. You could not be that wolf, not ever."

Jensen nodded reluctantly, then whispered, "Cougar . . . Carlos . . . I – I need you to promise me something. If I change, if I become . . . if I'm like that . . . don't let me hurt anyone. Please I'm begging you, kill me before I hurt someone."

Cougar nodded, "Te lo prometo."(1)

Jensen nodded, settled down a little closer and closed his eyes.

* * *

**Spanish to English translation**

(1) I promise.

(2) I will protect you by any means, whatever happens. I will be here with you.


	4. If It Can Go Wrong, It Will Go Wrong

**Chapter Four – If It Can Go Wrong, It Will Go Wrong**

_"__Persistence can grind an iron beam down into a needle." (unknown)_

Three months . . . three months and even with Jensen spending all the time Clay could spare him from his official duties on his laptop trying to find useful information, he had come up with nothing . . . nada, niks, nishto, ništa . . . it didn't matter how many languages, how many search engines or what parameters he used: Jensen had come up with fuck all reliable or useful information about werewolves.

The itch under his skin was already there, he recognized it now; it was there all the time but as the full moon approached its power grew. He had three days left, three days until he was fuck all use to his team. It didn't get any easier, not the change, not the emotions, nothing helped. He knew that Clay was doing all he could to time their missions and hide the truth from the chain of command. He knew that as his time approached, his attention slipped and when he changed back and was as weak as a newborn pup, that Pooch, Roque, Cougar were picking up the slack, covering for him. Not one of them complained, apart from Roque, but there was no real malice in his words so it really didn't count.

They were all waiting for him to find an answer and that was just another way he was failing them all. He was so tired and tomorrow night he had to get into a building and retrieve a database. He needed to do this. He couldn't let his team down. He rubbed at his eyes, hoping to make his view clearer, but it was only when Cougar shut the lid on his laptop that he finally admitted defeat and gave into his body's need for rest.

He looked up at Cougar and tried to think of a snappy retort but nothing came. The words just tumbled uselessly round in his sleep-deprived brain not making sense. "'m tired," h e mumbled.

"I know," Cougar said, his voice soft. "You need sleep." Jensen nodded, pushing back from the table he'd been working at and stumbling over to his pack and the bed roll alongside, before dropping down and closing his eyes.

He flopped over and back a few times trying to get comfortable before muttering, "Coug?" Cougar crossed the room and settled down beside him. Jensen shuddered before Cougar shifted position, allowing Jensen to curl in closer to him. They had all noticed that Jensen seemed to need the closer proximity the nearer the full moon got, as if his tendency as a wolf to bury his nose under someone's hand or on their stomach and breathe in their scent kicked in earlier than the full change. Jensen hadn't worked out how to put it into words, how to explain what was actually going through his head at the time, but in his own mind, it was that the sense of 'team' and 'pack' invaded his being and calmed his anxieties. He had spent a lot of time lately thinking and he hadn't failed to notice how Cougar seemed to be even more effective than the others at calming him. He tried to rationalize it, reason it away with thoughts of Cougar's calm patience, his ability to stay still and wait in silence for what had always felt like forever to Jensen. Cats and dogs that was the two of them but for some reason, their friendship worked.

He breathed deeply, settling more comfortably into his spot beside Cougar, the scent of his pack/team-mate soothing his tension, easing the vibrations that had been coursing through him. He let his thoughts drift, his mind wander . . . he slept.

* * *

Cougar could sense the growing agitation in Jensen. The pattern was becoming familiar now he knew what to look for, but this time there was frustration as well. Jensen had spent every spare moment of the last two months looking for answers, for any speck of information about what was happening to him and had still found nothing of any use. Real werewolves clearly didn't have time to blog, while a whole pile of hoaxers and attention seeking weirdos clearly had nothing better to do. Cougar had spent a lot of time hovering nearby, looking over Jensen's shoulder to see what he had found, watching the younger man each time he thought he'd found something only to have his hopes dashed again.

Clay had been keeping Jensen's duties to a minimum but he still had to train and do the research and communications tasks that he was employed to do. The whole team was worried. It wasn't just that once a month Jensen changed into a werewolf, it went beyond that. There was the pain that Jensen would be in from the day before the change through it and back again and it would last a day or two beyond, leaving him weak and exhausted. Cougar wondered if the pain wasn't there more of the time, but Jensen hid it well.

It was also the way Jensen was changing as a person, losing his self-confidence, second-guessing things he didn't need to. There was the way his eyes were always red and dry, sore from over-exposure to the computer screen, day after day of staring. He was losing weight since without the others to prompt him, he'd forget to eat or more likely, in Cougar's opinion at least, ignore the need.

Cougar had begun to suspect that Jensen was depressed, he wanted to make Clay order Jensen to see the base medic, but at the same time he was afraid of what a medic might find, might do to his friend. Clay had made contact with his doctor friend but he was on a mission overseas and wasn't expected back for another week or more, at least. It meant that Jensen would have to face another change, another round of pain without them being able to do a thing about it.

Cougar was relieved when he felt Jensen's body relax into sleep, his head pushed so close it was almost resting in the crook of Cougar's neck.

He looked up at the sound of the door opening and saw Clay look in. Cougar was no longer sure what Clay saw when Jensen was like this, what he thought. He'd seen a mix of things in Clay's expression over the last two weeks, defeat, sadness, frustration, anger and he didn't know which one would prevail. Clay's eyes were sad as they rested on Jensen, but there was something else there as he turned to take in Cougar but he said nothing and with a curt nod, withdrew closing the door behind him. Cougar didn't know what this barrier that was coming between them was, he had always respected Clay, felt more a part of this team than many of those that had gone before, but now . . . now he felt like the team was unravelling and his place in it was in danger.

* * *

Clay was relieved to see Jensen asleep finally, but couldn't ignore his own misgivings about Cougar's behavior. Tomorrow . . . Tomorrow he would deal with it. Tomorrow he would talk with Cougar alone, warn him off, move Pooch or Roque in to the room with Jensen. The kid needed someone to look after him, not take advantage of him.

* * *

The morning came quicker than Clay had hoped when the quiet of the kitchen was broken by Jensen sneaking out of his room. Clay looked over, realizing the younger man hadn't realized he wasn't alone, "Going somewhere, Corporal?"

Jensen jumped and turned to look at Clay with a guilty expression. "I – I . . . um . . . out there," he stuttered, gesturing to the door.

Clay raised his eyebrows and watched as Jensen seemed to shrink in on himself. "Sit your ass down." Jensen seemed to slink across the room before flopping down on the chair Clay had pointed to. Clay waited for a moment or two, hoping that Jensen would calm down, but when it became clear that that wasn't going to happen, he began to speak. "Jensen . . . are you okay?" Jensen nodded frantically. "This mission . . . I know we're cutting it close but . . ." he sighed, "It's a little awkward to try and completely avoid more than just the full moon. It's just tonight and then I promise there'll be nothing more until after . . ."

"I know, sir. I can do it."

Clay couldn't believe how so much had changed about Jensen, the submissive side of his wolf's behavior seemed to be encroaching more and more on his behavior throughout the rest of the month. He wasn't used to dealing with Jensen without the smartass motor mouth attitude. Fuck, he wasn't used to dealing with any of his subordinates not having more than enough attitude to spare. He'd never have believed that a lack of attitude would be more difficult to deal with than too much.

"Okay, Jensen, we need to start dealing with this better than we have been so far . . . I need my Corporal back, not some automaton."

"I'm sorry, sir."

"I don't want you to be sorry, Jensen. I want to be able to fix this, but I'm beginning to think it's not going to be so easy for us to do that. You're my go-to man when it comes to all things technological and you can't find the information we need . . . You know what I think that means? I think it means the information isn't out there. It doesn't exist, Jensen," Clay watched as Jensen bit his lip as if he wanted to blurt out a denial but instead he just tilted his head down, eyes settling on his fingers twining round each other. "Jensen," he waited until Jensen looked up, "Jensen, I think we've got to start working it out for ourselves, making our own rules. 'S what we do best after all."

Jensen sighed and nodded slowly, then said quietly, "I don't know how we do that."

"Well, that's what we better work on figuring out then." He sat back, watching Jensen's face, taking in the different expressions that settled fleetingly as Jensen mentally worked through what that would mean for them all. He thought again about what he'd seen the night before with Cougar, deciding that perhaps he should talk to Jensen as well as to Cougar about it. "Jensen . . . there's something else I want to just . . . umm, run past you."

Jensen looked back at him intently. "Is everything . . . okay between you and Cougar?"

Jensen frowned, clearly confused as he said, "Er yes, of course it is."

Clay looked awkward for a moment before murmuring, "Jensen . . . if there were something you know that . . . say erm . . . Cougar or – or anyone else for that matter wanted that you didn't want, you wouldn't have to put up with it, okay? You know that?"

"Huh?" the confusion didn't leave Jensen's face and Clay felt like he'd get further by banging his head against the wall. "What? What are we talking about?"

Clay figured that the one good thing about Jensen not knowing what he was talking about was that it meant he probably didn't need to worry about something having already happened. "Sex, Jensen, sex."

"Oh!" Jensen sounded genuinely shocked and horrified. "Nobody – nobody here's erm – there's nothing like that, honest!"

"Good. Keep it that way. Any problems, then erm . . . tell me." Clay tried to make his face look like he was approachable, like he wouldn't rather face a firing squad; he owed it to his team to make sure they were all kept safe, when they weren't laying their lives on the line for their country, of course. Clay pushed his chair back and stood as if he were about to leave. He turned back and asked, "Where were you going again?"

"Erm – out –outside!" Jensen almost squeaked, his mind obviously replaying the conversation they'd just had and it wasn't becoming any less uncomfortable.

"Right, right. Go on then and be back . . . you know . . . soon. Go!" Clay urged, ushering him from his seat and out of the door. He closed the door again, resting his forehead against it as he took a few deep calming breaths, bracing himself for the second conversation he needed to have. He turned and headed for the door to the room Jensen had left, hoping to find Cougar awake.

He knocked on the door and entered. It wasn't often he could offer his men much privacy in the field, so whenever it was possible he tried to allow them a degree of personal space and time and the respect that came with knocking on the door. As he opened that door, he was greeted with the sight of Cougar sitting on his bed, cleaning his rifle.

"Thought we could talk," he said abruptly. "I'm worried about Jensen." Cougar nodded his agreement. "We're two months down the line and we've got no more information than we had when we first found out, so . . . I figure that we're not going to see much information coming our way on this front."

He got another nod of understanding from Cougar. "So, I guess, we're going to have to look out for him ourselves, work out all the different things that will entail between us. Not exactly the sort of thing you want to take further up the chain of command." Another nod, Cougar was nothing if not predictable in so many of their conversations.

"Cougar, I want to be sure that we all have the same goal in mind – protecting Jensen. Not taking advantage of him, am I making myself clear?"

Cougar looked away, "I have done nothing to hurt him."

"So far and it had better stay that way. You're by far the best sniper I've had on this team, just like he's the best tech, but if it comes down to a choice between you . . . he got hurt on my watch and he's not going to manage with another team or . . . or even outside the Army, so I will choose him. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I don't know what sort of man you think I am, but I would never hurt him . . . Never!"

"I know what I can see in your face when you're watching him, in your eyes, Cougar, and I know this is a lonely life we lead and it leads to fucked up relationships all over the damn place –"

Cougar interrupted him, standing up and moving into Clay's personal space as he snapped, "I would never do anything to hurt him! I would protect him with my life!"

"Make sure you keep it that way," Clay said curtly. "I am watching, Alvarez!" Clay headed for the door, still not certain whether he'd handled it the right way. Cougar had been so isolated when he'd joined the team, it had taken months to begin to break the ice and the arrival of Jensen to have him truly accepting his place. Clay hoped that it wasn't all going to go to pieces now because he really had enough problems on his plate.

* * *

Clay had gone and Cougar had stumbled back to his bed, thoughts jumbled but the overwhelming sense was that he was fucked. Clay knew . . . he knew that Cougar's feelings went beyond friendship, beyond 'team' and that he didn't know what to do about it. He would never act on it, never jeopardize either their friendship or Jensen's safety by doing anything unwanted. It was torture but he'd rather what they had than nothing.

* * *

The mission was going to plan until just as Jensen had started to exit the office he'd been working in, Cougar saw a security guard turn into the same corridor from the opposite end. "Fuck! Jensen, take cover!" Cougar snapped over the comms.

"What? Cover? Why?" Jensen was backing into the room he'd been about to leave. He cast his eyes round the room looking for something big enough to hide behind. He'd barely scrambled behind the desk and got down before the guard reached the door. Jensen could see the silhouette of the man through the glass door and held his breath as he listened to Cougar relay what was happening to the rest of the team.

"Clay! Problem, Jensen cannot exit at present, there is a guard on the floor with him."

"Seriously? Fuck!" Clay groaned. "Can he get to the other exit from that floor?"

"No, the guard has made his way to the room Jensen is in. He is at the door."

"Can you get a shot?"

Jensen bit his lip, determined not to panic or react, to give it time. The guard would move on and everything would be fine. He could feel the wolf within driving the urge to attack, wondered if this was the madness setting in. He took a ragged breath, trying to calm the urge, trying to give himself time to think and rationalize what he was feeling. He turned his attention back to Cougar's words.

"I can, but . . . if I wait, he might move on. Then Jensen can get out and no one will know that he was there. If I shoot him now, they will know where Jensen was and which information he is likely to have taken."

It was a good point, Jensen could see that but was grateful when Cougar added, "I will take him out before Jensen is in danger."

He whispered, "Thanks, Coug," and continued to wait.

The guard's silhouette was still visible in the doorway and Jensen saw as his hand went to his radio, heard his voice echo through the empty room, "On Floor 32, all clear. I don't know what you thought you saw, but there's no sign of any movement up here."

A voice crackled back through the radio, "No visual sign, but there was interference and seriously there's something wrong with these cameras because I'm looking at all of them and I've got no visual of you, just an empty corridor. You sure you're on the right floor and not just hanging out somewhere. I've got the same problem with Bert on 28. The two of you playing cards again?"

"What?" the guard retorted. "I'm here on fucking Floor 32, doing my job, asshole! Next time you can be the one to haul your ass up here rather than sitting in front of that TV watching the playoffs!"

"I'm serious, man. The cameras are showing me empty corridors!"

"Shit!" Jensen murmured. "Clay! Clay! We have a problem, the guards have realized that the cameras are showing empty footage! Cougs' right. If I move from here now, if he takes out the guard on this floor, then they know what I was here for. What do we do?"

"Fuck! Is he going to find you, Jensen? How concealed are you?"

"Concealed! That's not really the word I'd use . . . more along the lines of crouching behind the fucking desk!" Jensen whispered harshly.

"Well, can't you find somewhere better?" Clay growled.

Jensen resisted the urge to snap back, eyes still on the guard debating with his colleague via the radio on the other side of the door. "Number one – no. And Number two – fuck no!" Jensen gritted out. "Seriously, the guy is standing on the other side of a glass door, moving now is like waving a red flag and besides that this room takes fuckin' minimalist to a whole new level. The desk is the only thing in here apart from a chair."

"Okay, okay, hold tight. Cougar's got your back. You're not in any danger. The only thing at stake here is whether we can get the stuff out undetected or not."

"Yeah, right, because the fact that guy is talking on his radio won't alert the others if Cougar does have to shoot him." Jensen sighed. "I am so fucked!"

"No! No you're not, Jensen." Clay's voice held a note of panic, coming from the knowledge that Jensen was inside alone with things going wrong yet again and his worry that Jensen wouldn't be able to keep it together long enough for them to get him out. "Jensen, just hang on . . . we're going to figure this out and get you out of there."

The voices over the comms faded to a murmur, Roque and Clay's voices distant but fast, their sense of urgency carrying through his earpiece, despite Jensen's attention being back on the door where the handle was turning. "Please, no, please . . ." he murmured under his breath. "Fuck!"

"Jensen, I have him in my sight. If he opens the door, he's a dead man," Cougar said calmly. "Te lo prometo."(1)

"Okay, okay . . ." The doorknob rattled and then went still, the guard moving on.

Jensen heard as he rattled doors further down the corridor, still talking into his radio, explaining that all the doors were still locked and there was no sign of anyone having broken in. Jensen heard his voice get fainter as he began to move away. "Jensen," Cougar's calm radiated through his earpiece and Jensen felt his own tension begin to dissipate a little. "Jensen, he is leaving your floor but he is taking your exit route. You are safe for the moment."

Clay spoke next, "You will need to move to the other exit and be prepared in case you meet anyone exiting that way. It is that or you wait and when he is out of range you can use the planned exit."

"I want out of here – I'll head out the other way. It'll be fine." Jensen was up and moving before he'd finished telling the others what he was doing. Soon all that could be heard was Jensen's pants as his breathing grew heavier the more stairs he ran down. The sound of his boots hitting the steps echoed through, broken by the occasional update, "Floor twenty-five . . . Floor twenty . . . floor fifteen . . . Floor ten . . . Floor – Argh! Fuck!" There was the sound of a scuffle and someone falling, that someone was clearly Jensen judging by the sounds that echoed through the comms.

"Jensen? Jensen!" Clay shouted. "No! Hell, no! Jensen! Talk to me!"

There was nothing, but the sound of heavy breathing and pained grunts, then finally Jensen's voice came through, weak and pained, "C-Clay . . . Shit! I . . . The floor was wet . . . I . . ." There was the sound of movement as if Jensen were trying to pull himself back to his feet then another groan of pain and the sound of him thudding back to the floor. "Colonel, I – I can't put any weight on my leg. I – It fuckin' hurts, man and . . . and when I try to stand up, I th-think I'm going to. . . erm . . . it hurts," he finished.

"Are you telling me you can't make it down? Jensen, is that what you're telling me?" There was no reply, just the sound of Jensen trying to breathe through the pain of whatever had happened. "Jensen . . . Talk to me, Corporal . . . Roque's on his way in to you. You're going to be okay, just hang in there, Jensen."

"'kay . . . I'm okay . . . I . . . Shit! I'll t-try and get further d-down," Jensen panted.

The sound of movement followed by another groan and then the sound of Jensen dropping to the floor again had Clay barking, "Sit tight, Jensen, Roque will be with you in a couple of minutes. Tell me what happened. How are you injured? Are we talking blood loss?"

"N-not really, some but, 's okay. I – I'll wipe it up, I'll clear it up . . ." There was another groan and the sound of shuffling. "There's a – a leak in the stairwell, I slipped and fell," Jensen explained quietly.

"It's gonna be okay, Corporal, we're getting you out of there," Clay reassured.

Jensen was quiet as he replied, "Yeah, I know. 'S all good." His voice slurred slightly, "I – I don' f'l so good."

"Corporal, stay with me . . . focus, Jensen, focus," Clay urged. "Roque, are you in the building yet?"

Roque hadn't even answered when Clay could hear the thud of his boots on the stairs, "I'm in and climbing. How far up are you, Jensen?"

"J-just below f-five."

Jensen was pale and shaky, barely holding on to consciousness as Roque rounded the last corner and saw him. "Jensen, stay with me, bro!" Roque dropped in front of him and began to check him over, relaying the information to the rest of the team as he worked. "Okay, I'm with Jensen. He's taken a knock to the head, eyes are a little unfocussed, possible concussion." His hands moved down Jensen's body checking for further injuries. "Okay, plenty of bruising," he held Jensen still as his actions drew a flinch away, "And one leg's banged up . . . no breakthrough of the bone, but it could be broken or maybe just dislocated. Hard to tell without taking a better look and seriously, I want to get us both out of here. I'm going to move him." He tapped Jensen on his cheek, "Focus, Corporal, we have to get out of here."

Jensen looked at him, struggling to focus but doing his best to follow Roque's instructions. He draped one arm over Roque's shoulder and hauled himself up, letting Roque's arm grip round his waist and the two of them began to make their way down the stairs keeping the weight off of Jensen's left leg as best they could. "Stay with me, Jensen, I'm going to gut you if I have to fireman carry you out of here like a fuckin' sack of grain!" Roque growled.

"With you, got it!" Jensen murmured, "'m not a p'ssy."

They made it down the stairs without any further problems and as Roque got them out through the door, Pooch was already pulling the van of the day to a halt beside them. Cougar and Clay hauled Jensen into the truck and Roque climbed up next to him. "Okay, I've radioed to the nearest base to have a medic on standby," Pooch called over his shoulder. "We okay with that or do I just need to head for the nearest hospital?"

Roque had already taken a knife to Jensen's pants and the damage was clear with his left knee looking completely distorted and the start of swelling around it. "Dislocation most likely," Clay said, then added with a sigh, "Sorry, Jensen, but the base will have to do. We can do without anyone asking questions in a normal ER."

"What about his head? Concussion?" Cougar asked.

Clay checked his eyes, prodded at the bump on his head and checked out the cuts that were bleeding. "Base," was his only response.

The journey there was quiet, once they'd got Jensen settled with no pressure on his leg, he fell silent, just the occasional groan as they hit a bump in the road that jarred his leg and the others watched him dreading what a trip to the Base Medic might reveal beyond the damage to his knee.

* * *

When Pooch screeched to a halt outside the base medical clinic, Jensen was already sitting up and accepting Clay and Roque's help out of the van, although when he tried to put weight on his leg, the pain was too much and he almost collapsed. Shifting his weight, the two men were able to lift and carry him in through the doors and set him down in a wheelchair that Cougar brought over to them hurriedly. Medical staff were already on hand and Jensen was whisked away, leaving the team to wait anxiously.

Clay paced back and forth, hoping that none of the tests they ran would turn up anything they didn't want people knowing about Jensen. He couldn't believe Jensen's bad luck, the kid didn't deserve this. Roque had taken to harassing the staff trying to get news on Jensen's condition, but clearly even the Captain's level of intimidation wasn't enough to frighten the staff here.

Pooch sat anxiously in a chair, flicking through magazines without even looking at the pictures. Clay was certain that at the end of the day he wouldn't even be able to say what sort of magazines they were.

In contrast to the rest of the team, Cougar was standing in the most shadowed corner, still enough to be almost invisible, hat tilted down to cover his eyes.

It was a long wait.

* * *

"Colonel," the doctor called as he came through the door to the waiting room, "Colonel Clay?"

"'s me," Clay acknowledged. "You done with Jensen? He gonna be alright?"

The doctor crossed the room to Clay, suggesting quietly that perhaps they should step outside, but Clay was going nowhere and so the doctor began to explain Jensen's condition. "He's had an impact injury which has caused medial collateral ligament damage. We've taken both an x-ray and an ultrasound of the area to establish the full extent of the injury. He's fortunate that while it's serious, it is not as severe as it could have been. Basically his knee was dislocated and we've been able to realign it. There is still a lot of swelling and it is going to take some time for that to fully go down. The main source of concern at this point is in establishing the level of long-term damage to the ligament. We've detected a tear, but at this time I would say it is not a complete tear. What I'm trying to say is that's good because the ligament has not severed, however it will take some time for it to heal and he's going to need to be off his feet for a while and then undergo some physical therapy before he reaches full fitness again."

"But he's going to be okay?" Clay asked.

"He'll be fine, in fact you can take him with you tonight. He'll need to be on crutches for a while and we'll give him some exercises to do and he'll need to attend some physical therapy sessions. We'll also write him a prescription for some painkillers and some anti-inflammatories to help reduce the swelling. He's going to be pretty quiet and out of it for the next twelve hours or so from what we've given him but after that he can start to take the painkillers. I'll schedule therapy sessions to start next week."

"No! No, that's okay," Clay added hastily. "We'll head back to Fort Bragg, get them to organize something for him . . . If you could just . . . erm . . . maybe stick something in writing for us to give them? Details of what the injury needs or whatever, that'd be just great."

"If you want my advice, I would be wary of moving him too far at the moment. He's going to be in pain."

"We'll take care of it, thank you, Doctor," the tone in his voice left no room for contradiction. "When can we have Jensen back?"

* * *

It took about twenty minutes to get all of the paperwork organized before Jensen could be released and shortly after that a nurse pushed Jensen out to join them in a wheelchair. He was pale and slightly groggy looking, a bruise on his forehead standing out starkly against the pallor of his skin. "Heeeeyyyy!" he greeted, then pointing he whispered loudly to the nurse, "See that, tha's ma team, ma buddiessss. Tha' one's Clay, he's moody and bossy, 's always telling me what to do." He pouted as he looked at her, "Moody and bossy! 's all the time . . . you don' know wha' it's like. I have to follo' orders all a'time." He sighed, then looked at the rest of the team. "Awwww! Look! They didn't leave me here." Turning back to the nurse again, he said, "You think they like me? Ma old team didn' like me, you think this one does?"

The nurse patted his shoulder and reassured him, "I'm sure everyone just loves you, Corporal." She looked at Clay with raised eyebrows as if to say ' well what was I suppose to say to him, he is kind of sweet after all.' "Lieutenant Colonel Clay? Um, Corporal Jensen is ready to go. The Doctor has prescribed a different set of painkillers to the ones we've given him here because although he's fine, he's . . . umm . . . a little . . ." She grimaced rather than finishing the sentence.

"Roque, buddy . . . I've missed yooouu," Jensen whined plaintively. "You gonna push my chair, man? My co-ordination is all . . . all . . . 's all skewy," he waved a hand in the air vaguely.

Roque groaned, a look of utter disgust on his face as he muttered, "You're a pain in the ass, Corporal and your co-ordination being fucked up is nothing new, that's what got us in this mess in the first place. Come here, I'm taking you over before you put this nice lady to any more trouble. Are we moving out or are you lazy bums setting up shop here?"

Cougar and Pooch pulled themselves away from the walls against which they'd been leaning, moving ahead of Roque and Jensen to get the van ready, while Clay collected the prescriptions and listened to the nurse's final instructions.

Between the three of them, they managed to maneuver Jensen into the back of the van before Clay left the building and returned the wheelchair. Pooch was sitting up front with the engine running, while Jensen sat between Roque and Cougar in the back. As Clay climbed into the front of the van, he could already hear the conversation taking place in the rear. "'s not comfortububble here. I need a pillow . . . or maybe a cushion or something. "

"Just settle down and be quiet, Jensen," Roque muttered.

"But your shoulder's no' soft." Clay looked over to see Jensen poking at Roque's shoulder sharply with his finger. "'s no' soft . . . 's no' fair."

"I tell you what is fucking soft – your head!" Roque snapped. "Now stop prodding my shoulder and sit still, that's an order."

"You're not my Dad!" Jensen retorted. "You don't get to tell me what to do. I'm not gonna do what you say," he finished with a particularly sharp poke to Roque's shoulder, which was followed quickly by a yelp as Roque took hold of his fingers and squeezed.

"Leave my shoulder the fuck alone; poke me again and I'll rip your arm off! Got it?" Jensen nodded frantically as Roque let his hand go and then edged along the seat towards Cougar. "And as for the whole orders thing, do I need to remind you about chain of command, Corporal?" Roque leaned in closer, voice low and menacing, and Jensen backed further away, almost ending up on Cougar's lap, head shaking furiously to show that he really, really didn't need Roque's reminding him of anything.

Cougar put an arm out to stop him falling as he almost lost his balance and pulled Jensen more securely on to the seat next to him. "He threatened me, Cougar," Jensen said sorrowfully.

Cougar looked at Roque over his shoulder and smirked before saying with a slight hint of sympathy distinctly mixed with humor, "I know."

"Will you save me from him? He's a monster!" Clay gave a snort of laughter from the front seat. "Will you save me, Coug?" Jensen pleaded. Jensen tilted toward Cougar and the sniper shifted allowing Jensen to rest his head against his shoulder. All was quiet for a few minutes and looking back Clay figured Jensen had fallen asleep, however a few minutes later, Jensen spoke again, "I love your shoulder, Coug, 's all soft and comfy like the best kind of pillow." He fell silent again for a while then said, "I love you, Cougar, you're always nice to me, not like Roque, he's not nice to me." Jensen sounded like a child, his voice young and naive as the drugs coursed through his system.

Clay was irritated. He couldn't have Jensen, unintentionally or otherwise, leading Cougar on, giving him the wrong impression, it wouldn't be fair. He snapped, "Sit the fuck up, Jensen and stop babbling at Cougar like that."

"'m not dribbling, I don't dribble . . ." He looked up at Cougar, sincerity clear, "Honest, I'm not dribbling on you, man!"

Clay brought a hand up to his face in despair. One of these days, Jensen was going to drive him to actually start banging his head against nearby walls. Cougar spoke, "It is the drugs, nothing more. He can rest, I do not mind."

Clay gave in, nodding at Cougar, who gently eased Jensen's head back down to his shoulder and said softly, "Sleep Jensen, it will make the journey pass more quickly."

Jensen resisted for a moment before Cougar's insistence overcame his reluctance and he muttered, "You sure?"

"Si, I am sure. Rest now." Jensen gave him a grateful smile before twisting his upper body and curling more into Cougar's space, resulting in the older man lifting his arm and wrapping it around Jensen's shoulders to hold him in place. Jensen moaned in pain as Pooch hit a couple of bumps in the road and Cougar sifted his fingers through Jensen's hair in sympathy. It didn't take long for Jensen to fall fully asleep, body slipping further into Cougar's lap until the sniper found it easier to shift him so that Jensen's head was resting against his stomach.

* * *

The van was quiet with Jensen asleep except for the occasional snuffle or whimper from the sleeping man. The rest of the team were lost in their own thoughts as the van ate up the miles between the mission and 'home'. They were all roused from their musings when Jensen suddenly jerked awake with a pained cry. Cougar attempted to soothe him back to sleep, but to no avail and as he gently ran his fingers through Jensen's hair, he became aware of Jensen's rising temperature and immediately alerted Clay.

"Fuck!" Clay looked irritated, but the others could tell it was a mask for his concern, "How long, Pooch? I don't want to have to take him to strangers."

"Boss, it's another five hours at least and . . . and if we're going to keep going then someone else is going to need to take over or I'm gonna run us off the road, man," Pooch answered, "And seriously, if we head back now, they're going to take him in and how the hell are we supposed to get him out in time to change?"

"Okay, I know that . . . Shit, Jensen, you're going to be the fuckin' death of me, I don't think my heart is up to this level of stress," he grumbled. "Right, we're out of options. We need to find somewhere isolated and set up camp, we'll have to try and get his temperature down and hope he gets over it by himself."

"The farmstead we were going to go to for this month's change is closer," Pooch said quietly. "It's maybe fifty minutes out but we'd need to turn around right now to get there."

Clay shared a look with Roque before saying to Pooch, "Do it."

* * *

**Spanish to English Translations**

(1) I promise.


	5. Beginning to Accept the Inevitable

**Chapter Five – Beginning to Accept the Inevitable**

" _At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice." (Maya Angelou)_

* * *

Pooch looked almost as ready to drop as Jensen did, when they finally made it to the isolated farmstead. As soon as everybody's kit was inside, Clay ordered him to rest while the others finished organizing everything.

Jensen was a different matter entirely and one that none of them were sure what to do about. He was in pain, a lot more than the doctors had said he should be given the painkillers they'd given him. He was still clearly under the influence of those drugs, his speech slurred and rambling in a way that even the old Jensen never used to achieve.

"Please don' leave me, Coug'r, please. I don' wan' th'm to take me. Don' wan' to go," Jensen was highly agitated and they hadn't been able to reason with him enough to get a straight answer as to who he was afraid of being taken by or even why he thought they might be about to leave him. No amount of reassurances seemed to get that point across as his temperature continued to rise and the pain grew worse.

Ultimately, with no danger beyond the injuries he'd already got, Clay caved and let Cougar stay with him, while he and Roque headed for the kitchen to make a list of the supplies they had intended to pick up on their way to the farmstead if all had gone to plan. The original plan had given them all a day to pack and get supplies before they'd have headed out together. Instead, with them arriving early, without having returned to base, they weren't ready at all.

Roque and Clay sat down together, leaving Pooch sleeping in one bedroom, while Cougar tended to Jensen. They decided that Clay would stay where they were while Roque went into the nearest town to shop for food supplies. They discussed the situation with regards to both the material they'd retrieved and to Jensen's health, deciding that they'd give it another hour or two and hope as the drugs the hospital had given him wore off that Jensen would be lucid enough to be able to transfer the data they needed to the commanding officer who had sent them out on this retrieval.

As Roque left, Clay went to check on Jensen and Cougar, relieved to find Jensen much calmer and far less incoherent and able to hold a 'normal' conversation, although lines of pain were clearly etched into his features and there was still a flush to his skin that spoke of a temperature.

"Hey boss. 's up?" Jensen asked wearily from where he was laying on one bed with Cougar sitting on the other.

"Just wondering how you were doing and if you'd be up for sending the information you retrieved back to General Colliner. We're not going to go back now, figured we'd hang out here until after . . ."

"Yeah, yeah sure I can do that . . . I just . . . I'll get right on it." He started to push himself up to get his laptop, surprised when both Cougar and Clay leapt forward to push him back down on the bed. "But . . . but I – I need my laptop!" he exclaimed.

"Idiota, te la consigo yo!"(1) snapped Cougar at the same time as Clay shouted, "Sit still!"

Jensen just stared in shock as Cougar marched from the room while Clay glared at him. "Sorry?" the younger man said tentatively, "Ummm, not sure what the problem is but I'm sorry anyway?"

Clay sighed, "Jensen, the doctor told you to keep the weight off your leg, you remember that?"

"Yeah, but you said . . ."

"I said I wanted you to send him the information, not that I wanted you to go get your laptop to do it. The question was if you were up to doing it now. You know, Cougar's right, you are an idiot!"

Jensen hung his head, "Guess you're right. I'm – I'm not thinking entirely straight . . . You know you said to let you know when the pain got too much? I'm thinking maybe now would be a good time for some of those painkillers."

Clay looked at his watch, "Jensen, they said not to give you any until the last set had worn off in eight hours from when we left . . . You've got to hang on another couple of hours. I'm sorry, kid, I know it hurts, but the last set sent you a little . . . loopy, we've got to wait 'til they're out of your system." Jensen nodded.

Cougar re-entered the room, laptop in hand, along with the downloaded data key. He stalked across the room and thrust both of them at Jensen. As soon as Jensen took them, he turned and left the room, leaving Clay to watch over Jensen. "Shit! I guess I fucked up with Cougar."

"I'm sure he'll get over it," Clay said drily. "Can you do it securely?" Jensen rolled his eyes and frowned. "Sorry," Clay added, "I was thinking about if you were up to doing it now not if you could do it under normal circumstances."

Jensen opened his laptop and began to work and Clay watched as he looked confused for a moment before he seemed to pull himself together and start typing. Fifty minutes later and he was closing the laptop lid, confirming that the data had been sent and would be on the General's desktop when he got to work in the morning. Fifty minutes was a lot longer than Clay had expected it to take and he'd nearly stopped Jensen a couple of times after he'd seen the tech staring blankly at the screen, but each time he'd started to say something, Jensen had shaken himself awake and refocused on what he was doing. He was finally finished and all Clay could think was that Jensen looked exhausted. "How are you feeling, Jensen? Honestly . . ." Clay asked.

"Friggin' awful. My knee is killing me and I just feel so freakin' hot." He was dressed in just a t-shirt and shorts and Clay could see the flushed tone to his face. "And . . . fuck!" the conversation seemed to slip away from Jensen again and he looked bewildered.

"Jensen?" Clay queried but Jensen just gave a dejected shake to his head and fell silent. "Are you worried about the change because of your knee?" Jensen just gave a derisive snort as if to say he had more than just that to worry about. Clay watched as he swiped his forehead again, lifted his t-shirt and flapped it as if trying to cool down. "Jensen . . ."

"It's hot!" Jensen pleaded, "I just nee' . . . 's hot!" Jensen's eyes seemed to be becoming more dazed and as Clay watched he began to ramble about heat and deserts and saunas, the words gradually slurring together and becoming almost incomprehensible.

Clay strode across the room and lifted a hand to Jensen's forehead, horrified at how hot the younger man felt. "Shit! Okay, Jensen, okay. I want you to lie down and we're gonna help. Just lie down now." Clay rushed to the door, flinging it open and calling out to Cougar, "Cougar, we got any ice? If not, get in touch with Roque and get him to pick some up and get me some cool water, not cold, and get in here quickly."

Jensen's eyes were rolling back as Clay turned back to him. "Shit, Jensen, don't do this to me!"

Cougar raced in with a small amount of ice and a bowl of water. "All there is," he explained, handing over the ice as Clay grabbed a cloth and began to wrap the ice ready to place on Jensen's chest as he felt the heat radiating from the whole of Jensen's body. Cougar had already dunked a second cloth in the water and began to wipe down Jensen's face.

"Coug'r," Jensen mumbled, ignoring both the other men's attempts to quieten him. "Coug'r, you came back."

"Si, por supuesto que volví. Yo nunca te dejaría. (2) We are a team, I would not leave you." Cougar saw Clay's frown as if he suspected Cougar had said something different in Spanish. Cougar shrugged then said, "I contacted Roque, he will try to find more ice."

Jensen twisted away from their ministrations, eyes bleary and words slurred, "Leave me 'lone. Don', don' hurt me." He let out a sudden sharp cry as his movements jarred his injured knee and Cougar had to forcefully hold him down as Clay worked on running the cloth over his skin. Confused and incoherent with fever, Jensen began to pull at his clothes trying to rip his t-shirt apart but lacking the strength to do so in his growing delirium.

"Fuck!" Clay hated when situations went to hell like this, when he was the one who had made the decisions and had to face having made the wrong choice and his bad decision potentially costing someone else their life.

Cougar leant closer and began to murmur softly right into Jensen's ear, switching from Spanish to English and back again in a way that was almost hypnotizing, the two languages intertwining until the message became almost subliminal beneath the gentle soothing monotony. "Calmarse. Calm down. Quédate quieto y descansar. Lie still and rest. Ssssh, descanso, mi amigo. Ssssh, rest, my friend. Deje que tu cuerpo sane, Jensen. Let your body heal, Jensen."

Clay was relieved when Jensen did in fact seem to calm a little, as if Cougar's words were getting through to him despite his delirium. Cougar swept a hand across Jensen's brow and the tech stilled allowing Clay to begin to hold the ice in place and run the dampened cloth more easily over him in an attempt to bring Jensen's temperature down.

When Roque finally returned, he'd managed to find a couple of bags of ice for sale in the small grocery store in town and so they swiftly broke it open, wrapped the ice in cloths and towels and packed them round Jensen's body, before putting the remains of the bag in the farmhouse freezer.

Cougar stayed at Jensen's side, his presence a reassurance to the sick man; his words enough to guide Jensen when the line between lucidity and delirium wavered. "Coug'r," Jensen would mumble from time to time and Cougar would shush him, whispering softly that Jensen should rest and the tech would close his eyes, seeming to drift back to sleep.

The fever finally broke in the early hours of the morning and Jensen drifted back to sleep again soon after Cougar had helped him change into dry clothes. The tech was exhausted, despite sleeping for much of the time since his accident. Cougar was worn out as well and once Jensen's fever had broken, he too allowed himself some rest, pulling out a bed roll to sleep on the floor beside Jensen's bed, not even willing to move across the room to sleep on the other bed.

* * *

By late morning the following day, the whole team were awake and as rested as could be expected. They had a few days of quiet downtime ahead of them, with nothing much for four of them to do; only Jensen's future boded anything other than rest with his change looming later that night.

The tech was up on crutches, able to maneuver round the farmhouse and its minimal furniture with relative ease despite the clear pain radiating from his injury. Clay hadn't hesitated to give him the full dose of the new medications that had been sent with them from the hospital and he was relieved that this time at least they appeared to be having the desired effect, dulling the pain somewhat and allowing Jensen a degree of relaxation.

As the afternoon slid toward evening, Clay slipped Jensen an extra set of painkillers; the thought of the agonizing change the younger man was about to go through normally filled him with horror, but this time, knowing how much pain he was in already and how damaged his knee was, Clay dreaded to think of the pain the wolf would be in and he had no idea how to medicate Jensen in his wolf form without it being dangerous.

Jensen was quiet, but not silent, still but not motionless, more the careful guarding of his injury than anything unnatural. It was different to the restlessness they normally associated with the start of the full moon, but again, given the pain and difficulty with which he was moving, it was understandable.

Jensen was alone with Cougar in the kitchen as the sky began to darken. He cleared his throat nervously, "C-Cougar . . . can I ask you something – to do something . . . for me? Erm, with me?"

Cougar turned from where he'd been preparing food for them to eat later in the evening, eyes intent on Jensen. He pulled the chair next to Jensen out and sat down, arms resting loosely on the table top and waited. Jensen fidgeted for a moment or two, before saying, "I – I know you followed me . . . last month . . . you followed me when – when I was about to change." Cougar nodded. "Did you watch? See?"

Cougar shrugged, a glimmer of a grimace passing over his face before it settled back to impassive patience. Jensen looked down until Cougar reached across the table and rapped his knuckles on the table in front of him. Jensen jerked upwards, biting his lip, "C-Coug, it's –it's going to happen again soon and – and I – I n-need . . ." His eyes flitted to the door, to the woods beyond the window.

Cougar knew immediately what he was trying to ask and stood up, throwing the food quickly back into the fridge before reaching for Jensen's crutches and helping him stand up. One hand rested on the small of Jensen's back as he guided him to the back door, opening it and letting the younger man lead them out.

Jensen was cautious as he picked his way down the path into the woods. They made their way slowly deeper into the woods for about five minutes before Jensen started looking for a clearing, an area where he could settle on the ground. When he came to a halt a little way from the path, Cougar took one crutch and helped him lower himself to the ground, then settled the second crutch to the side of where they sat.

They sat in awkward silence for a minute or two, before Jensen said quietly, "Thanks and, you know, sorry . . ." Jensen looked away, then began to strip out of his clothes, removing, his shirt and t-shirt and pants until he was sitting in just his boxers, arms hugged round his waist. "You can go now . . . I – I've got it from here," he said quietly.

Cougar frowned, turning to look closely at Jensen, seeing fear and doubt in his eyes, the anxious bite of his lip, the tight drawn tension round his eyes and the way his body was braced to fight the change that was about to happen. "Lie down," Cougar said softly.

"W-What?" Jensen huffed, the tension spreading to more of his body as he mentally fought the inevitable.

"Come here and lie down," Cougar said, pulling Jensen's upper body towards him, thankful that the drugs Clay had given him not long before made him a little more pliant. Carefully, Jensen lay down, allowing Cougar to settle his head on his lap. "Sssh," Cougar murmured. "Relax . . . close your eyes . . ."

"But . . ." Jensen started to push himself up, but Cougar tightened his hold, not allowing him to move.

"Jensen, calm. Close your eyes and listen to me . . . I'm going to tell you what sort of wolf you are. Please stay calm, I will not let any harm come to you. Te lo prometo." (3) Jensen stilled but didn't relax, a slight shiver coursed through him, but Cougar's hand ran gently down his arm and he calmed a fraction. "Your wolf is beautiful. He has piercing eyes that seem to look into my soul, soft fur that makes me want to touch it yet I feel so honored when he comes close, when you come close. Then you rest your nose on my leg or my stomach or you burrow it under my hand and you show me such trust." Cougar's own emotions were racing wild and fearful, despite the calmness of his words as he could feel the tight shift as Jensen's change began. He could hear the bitten-back grunts of pain, knew Jensen had curled one hand to grip onto the material of his pants' leg as if it would be enough to anchor him.

"Jensen, you are beautiful," Cougar said again, "Your fur is grey around your eyes darkening to black on the tips of your ears and across your shoulders then it fades to a rich cream down your back and down towards your nose. Your movements are graceful even when your pain is evident."

Cougar could feel as Jensen's body readied itself for the final change, as Jensen's breath sped up. As Jensen panted hard, he gritted out the words, "C-Coug, g-go now! Go!"

"No, I will stay and you must relax, let this happen. Don't fight, Jensen, please, for me, don't fight." At his words he felt Jensen give up his struggle, he kept up the gentle stroke of his hand down Jensen's arm and waited. Jensen's body began the shift. Cougar bit his own lip as his stomach churned at the violent twist and wrench of muscle, sinew and bone. It was quicker though, quicker than the previous month's change had been and he knew what the difference was. Jensen had stopped fighting the change, at Cougar's request. "Thank you, Jensen," he murmured, knowing the trust that must have taken. "Eres guapo. Mi corazón será tuyo para siempre,"(4) he whispered as Jensen's change ended and he lay panting, his head turning to gaze up at Cougar for a moment before he closed his eyes and seemed to fall asleep. Cougar waited, maintaining the steady sweep of his hand, now taking it down over Jensen's flank, keeping guard over the sleeping wolf.

Jensen had been asleep for about twenty minutes when Cougar heard the tromp of footsteps through the undergrowth. He reached for the weapon at his back, drawing it out silently and tracking the sounds of movement, ready to fire when whoever it was broke cover.

"Jensen? Cougar?" Clay's voice traveled through the undergrowth.

"Here," Cougar called back, "Follow the path and I will see you and call again." He watched the undergrowth waiting for movement through the bushes on the path. "Clay!" he called softly as he saw the older man through the leaves.

Clay pushed through to join them in the small clearing, eyes immediately tracking to the sleeping wolf. "I thought this might be why you'd headed out." He fished out a radio and activated it, "Roque, Pooch, I've got them. Head back to the farmhouse, I'll let you know when we need you." He didn't wait for a response before turning off the radio and sitting down beside Cougar and the wolf. "Asleep?"

"Maybe it's the painkillers?" Cougar suggested, hand still sifting gently through the fur on Jensen's flank.

"We didn't hear anything, kind of assumed he hadn't changed yet . . ."

Cougar looked down at the wolf, saw his eyes blinking open, before he shifted and let out what could only be a yawn, before shaking his head and starting to stand. Cougar's voice was almost reluctant as he explained, "He didn't fight it this time. I told him not to fight and just to let the change happen. It was much quicker. It seemed . . . less painful?" Despite his words, there was a nauseated cast to his expression.

"Have you . . . have you seen him change?" Clay asked. Cougar flicked a glance his way and gave a curt nod. "More than just this time?" The question received another brief nod. "And you think he fights the change? And that this time he didn't?"

Cougar swallowed noticeably and didn't look at Clay. "Alvarez . . . I need to know what you think is going on!"

The wolf looked round sharply, forcing himself up to his feet, ignoring Cougar's attempt to stop him and hold him still. "Jensen!" The wolf turned round, favoring one of his back legs but not avoiding it completely. Cougar grasped the wolf's body, trying to hold him still, before he could walk any further, Clay already moving in to check over the injured limb.

Clay ran his hands gently down from the wolf's hip to his paw, finding no obvious distortion. Starting again at the top, he pressed more firmly and partway down the wolf pulled away with a slight growl. He didn't let the wolf get away instead returning to the area that the wolf had objected to for further investigation only to find the wolf pulling away with more determination and turning on him with bared teeth and a distinctly aggressive growl. The wolf snapped its teeth towards his hands and he pulled them back quickly. With a definite glare, the wolf paced behind Cougar and growled again before making its way slowly through the bushes in the direction of the path. Cougar hurriedly gathered Jensen's clothes and the crutches before following Clay out of the clearing to pursue the wolf.

The wolf's progress was steady, his gait only slightly uneven as he made his way back to the farmhouse, turning occasionally to check on Clay and Cougar. Once inside, the wolf padded across the kitchen to the open fire, where it paced round in a tight circle a few times before cautiously lowering itself down to the floor.

It was ironic really that Jensen seemed to be in less pain now with an actual proper injury to account for than he had the last two months and the only explanation they'd got for it was Cougar's suggestion that this time Jensen had not fought the change. Was that a good enough reason was the question they were each asking.

* * *

The wolf seemed to get more limber as the days passed, trotting out into the woods by himself or to follow whichever of his team-mates were out and about. Pooch spent some time out with the van, poking around under the hood 'fine-tuning' as he'd said to Clay, when, without warning, he found Jensen pushing his body between him and the van and lifting his front paws up to peer over the bumper and into the engine, cocking his head as he seemed to be watching the engine to see what would happen next. "Be careful, dude," Pooch laughed affectionately, "You don't want to be getting oil in your fur now, do you?"

The wolf seemed to wrinkle its nose before backing down with what to Pooch sounded just like a growl of disgust. He laughed again and turned back to the engine, only to be caught by surprise as the wolf buffeted him away from the vehicle. He looked back at the wolf, eyes raised, "What the fuck, man?"

The wolf was wearing what he could only call a grin, mouth open, tongue lolling slightly to the side. The wolf approached slowly and gave him another push away from the vehicle, then tilted its head expectantly. "You want to play?" Pooch asked. The wolf edged forward to shove him again and Pooch took a couple of steps forward as if to give chase watching as the wolf tried to dodge round him. He laughed, then stalked towards the wolf, holding out his oily hands as if to wipe them in Jensen's fur. The wolf nearly tumbled over in his dash to escape from the oil, moving far enough before giving a half annoyed yip and sitting down.

Pooch laughed again, saying, "Couple of minutes that's all. Let me just finish this and wash up and then we can play. How's that sound to you?" The wolf tilted his head again as if considering it, then lay down, head resting on his paws, watching as Pooch worked.

Pooch made sure he finished up quickly and didn't start anything new, before moving away to the outside tap and washing his hands vigorously to remove as much of the oil as he could. He reached for the jar of petroleum jelly he kept handy and saw as the wolf's curiosity drew him closer He rubbed the jelly over his hands focussing on the ingrained oil. Jensen approached slowly, sniffing dubiously. Pooch scrubbed his hands for a little longer then held them out for Jensen to sniff.

The wolf leaned in and sniffed, all of a sudden backing away and letting out what Pooch could only describe as a sneeze. "So I'm guessing you're thinking I should get the unperfumed variety!" he snorted. "Too strong for your delicate nose, huh?" The wolf yipped and turned his back in disgust. Pooch gave his hands another quick scrub before wiping off the gunk and washing them again, examining them as he pulled them out and dried them again, deciding they were clean enough for now, unlikely to leave oil stains in Jensen's fur if he did manage to catch hold of him. He turned the tap off and tidied up his things, before turning back to the wolf and saying, "So you're just going to sit there now, huh?" He stalked forward and the wolf yipped.

Pooch sped up, leaning down to try and catch the wolf only for the wolf to roll to the side and then spring to its feet. "Dude, remember to be careful . . . don't bust that leg up any more than it already is or Clay will have both our asses and it won't be pretty believe me!"

The wolf circled round behind Pooch and nipped at the back of his pants leg drawing a shocked "Hey!" from the man who turned back and started to chase the wolf. The two of them circled the yard, twisting and chasing, taking it in turns to try and catch the other by surprise, sneaking behind the different farmyard implements that had been left out until there was a deep boom of laughter from the porch of the house and they both stopped in their tracks and turned to look. Pooch felt embarrassment creep up his spine as he took in Roque's expression.

"Hey, Sergeant! Good to see that you're just a big kid like Jensen. You hide it well though . . . you know normally!" Roque snarked, turning away to go back into the house, still laughing. "Oh and Jensen, you damage that leg anymore and I'll beat your ass into next week. I didn't carry your heavy butt down all of those stairs for you to tear it up again playing goofball with the idiot here."

Jensen snarled before trotting back to Pooch's side and sitting down, leaning heavily against his leg and panting. "Crazy nutjobs, both of you!" was Roque's parting shot before he walked back inside.

* * *

When they made it back inside, Pooch watched as Jensen immediately sniffed his way across the room, checking out all the corners and under the furniture, gradually working his way closer and closer to Cougar. Pooch was not under any illusion that the movements were anything but deliberate, particularly when Jensen stopped and sniffed round and round the chair Clay was sitting in. He gave a half sneeze – half snuffle, before giving Clay what Pooch decided was an utterly disdainful look, then moved on. When he reached the sniper, who appeared to be half or possibly even completely asleep below his hat, Jensen gave a little whine leaning his head against Cougar's knee.

"Jensen, leave Cougar alone!" Clay growled.

The wolf's whine was louder this time, his head dropping sorrowfully, until Cougar leant forward and rested a hand on the top of his head and murmured quietly, "Shh, todo está bien."(5) Jensen pushed further forward, his head burrowing deeper onto Cougar's lap, until the sniper was forced to shift position and to press against the wolf's nose to turn it so he lay across Cougar's knees. "I hear you have been playing outside, my friend, so what is with this now?"

The wolf gave a small whimper then dropped to sit on the floor at Cougar's feet. "Is he hurt? Has he done too much?" The rest of the team's voices showed their anxiety but Cougar just leant forward and looked into the wolf's eyes, listened to him whine again and smiled.

"He is fine," Cougar laughed as he ruffled his hand in the soft fur between Jensen's ears. "What is it you want now, huh? More attention than you've already had? Everybody doing something else and not catering to your every whim, my friend?"

Jensen let out what Pooch would later refer to as the 'Jensen humph of disgruntlement' before turning his back on Cougar and looking at the rest of the team as if expecting them to take pity on him and take his side. Roque tweaked one of the wolf's ears and leant in close to murmur, "Are you going to be as big a pain in the ass in this form as in your other one? I will kick your ass . . . or maybe I could get ya a muzzle!"

Jensen pulled his head away, bared his teeth and growled, before moving to the opposite side of Cougar and sitting down again, leaning against Cougar's leg. "Leave him alone," Cougar said, hand sneaking out to rest on Jensen's head again.

Jensen stared at Roque almost as if to say, "See, he's on my side, not yours!"

"Your days are numbered, wolf boy!" Roque laughed, starting to walk past Jensen, only to find the wolf closing his jaws around one ankle, just enough to make him lose his balance and fall to the floor, but not enough to damage the leg. As Roque landed and the breath whooshed out of his body, Jensen took advantage of his momentary lapse in concentration and stepped up onto Roque's back, where he lay down, effectively pinning him in place. With a lopsided wolf-grin, he flipped his tail, so it landed over Roque's face, then settled down as if he were about to go to sleep.

With the little air he could get to his lungs, Roque began to curse, as the rest of the team hid sniggers as best they could. Clay let Jensen sit for a minute before ordering him to move, "Get off, Jensen, or you'll be on latrine duty for a month when we get back to base!"

Jensen tilted his head to one side as if considering Clay's threat, then stood up and carefully stalked off of Roque and moved back to lay at Cougar's feet.

* * *

The team was relaxed as they entered the third night. They had all headed to their own rooms to sleep leaving Jensen to roam free as he'd done the previous two nights. In the early morning hours of each night, Jensen had returned and flopped down on the floor beside Cougar's bed. The sniper would wake enough to be sure that Jensen was fine, before slipping back into sleep again.

So when the wolf padded into the room on the third night, Cougar's eyes half-opened. He watched blearily as the wolf seemed to move round the room more agitatedly instead of his usual quick circuit to check all was in order. He headed to his own pack which rested by the other bed, then back towards Cougar and then repeated the process.

As the wolf grew more fretful, letting out a small whine of frustration and starting to head for the door before turning back and heading yet again toward Cougar, Cougar sat up and swung his legs out of the bed to the floor and softly called the wolf to him.

At the sound of movement behind him the wolf had turned and backed up against the wall slightly fearful and it was only when Cougar held out a hand and called his name again, that Jensen turned his head to his friend and seemed to calm a little. Cougar looked at his watch and realized that morning was approaching. He dropped to the floor and coaxed the wolf toward him. Jensen hesitated then suddenly came closer and buried his nose into Cougar's stomach with a whimper.

He pulled back a moment or two later with a whine and a shudder. Cougar's hand was resting on his back and he could feel the tension and almost sense the lurking change in Jensen's body. He stood, pulling on a pair of jeans and t-shirt, before lacing his boots quickly, then grabbed clothes, a blanket and boots from Jensen's side of the room. "Let's go," he said quietly.

The wolf moved swiftly through the door and led Cougar down through the house and nosed open the same door they'd left unlatched for him every night so far. Outside again and he led Cougar down the same path they'd taken before, quickly making it to the clearing he'd changed in those few nights earlier. Cougar dropped the things he'd been carrying to the ground and sat down, encouraging the wolf to come and lie beside him. Jensen was still agitated, heading for the edge of the clearing, pacing the full way round before returning to Cougar and immediately heading off again. The second time he walked a little way into the trees, before the gentle call of his name brought him back to Cougar, who urged him to lie down. He started to lie down, following Cougar's encouragement, only to stand up and head for the trees again.

He slipped between the trees quicker this time but with Cougar in pursuit, determined not to allow him to face the change alone. Cougar lost sight of him for a few seconds. A sudden howl was enough to ensure that Cougar was able to find him again quickly and this time lay a hand on the wolf's back feeling the tremors that were coursing through him. The wolf paused at the contact, giving Cougar the chance to drop to his knees in front of him and catch the wolf's face. "Calm down, Jensen, it's going to be okay. Come with me," he said, eyes intent.

When he stood and began to walk back to the clearing, he kept one hand on Jensen and urged him gently along beside him, tightening his grip a fraction any time it seemed like the wolf was about to veer away again. It took him a few tries to get Jensen to lie down and the wolf was still trying to stand up and get away again. Once he'd finally got Jensen down, the wolf whined and whimpered and pushed his head closer to Cougar. "Yeah, I know," Cougar murmured softly, "But you need to relax and it'll happen. Close your eyes, sssh."

As Cougar's voice finally seemed to relax him, the change took over quickly and in a matter of moments, Jensen himself was laying panting on the ground in human form. Cougar swiftly wrapped the blanket that he had brought with him around Jensen, coasting fingers through his hair until he fell asleep. In his sleep, Jensen edged closer and as Cougar looked up, he saw Clay standing in front of them.

Clay moved forward quietly, sitting down alongside Cougar. "That's some fucked up shit," he murmured. "He gonna be okay now . . . or is there something else that happens?"

"That's it, until next month," Cougar replied. He spared a wary look at Clay, not sure what Clay would say next.

Clay waited for a moment or two, as if unsure how to say what he wanted to phrase next. "Coug . . ." he let out a deep breath of air and closed his eyes. "Coug . . . what I said before about you and Jensen. . . I – shit! Listen, I was wrong . . . I know you'd never do anything to hurt him and you're just looking out for him."

"Si." Cougar didn't lift his eyes from Jensen, unsure what response Clay was actually expecting from him at this point.

"Cougar . . ." Clay waited until the other man finally looked up at him. "Cougar, make sure you look out for yourself as well. Don't . . . He's your friend, knowing him, he probably always will be and you won't get rid of him, but don't . . . don't rely on him feeling the same way in return."

Cougar shrugged, "No me importa. It doesn't matter."

"Yeah, yeah it does, Coug. It matters 'cause you don't deserve that and it matters 'cause he wouldn't want to hurt you, but this is Jensen we're talking about," he said softly, "Jensen is oblivious to stuff like that."

Jensen stirred beside him and Cougar murmured a ssssh, before looking back at Clay and saying, "He will wake soon, you should go." When Clay started to object and offer help, Cougar reassured him that they would be fine and he would call if they needed help, holding up the radio he had grabbed on their way out of the door.

* * *

The steady fall of Clay's footsteps had barely passed when Jensen groaned and began to shift uncomfortably. Another groan, a soft "Fuuuuuck!" and his eyes opened blearily and were followed by another soft but even longer "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" He shifted awkwardly, "Man, that sucks!"

"Are you alright?" Cougar asked quietly.

Jensen jumped, flinching away. "Cougar!" he squeaked, turning suddenly and grappling with the blanket trying to shield at least a fraction of his modesty. "Didn't know you were there!" He looked round quickly, "There's no one else here is there?"

"No," came the quiet reply.

Jensen relaxed a fraction, then suddenly flinched forward with an "Ouch! There's a twig poking my ass!"

Cougar smirked at Jensen's glare before holding out his pants. Jensen snatched them with an "It's alright for you . . . Stop looking at me like that! That's creepy!" He gave an exaggerated glare. Cougar turned away and Jensen began to pull his pants on quickly. He let out a couple of slight groans as he moved, but given the fact that Cougar could still hear movement and everything seemed to be okay despite the groans, Cougar held still and waited.

"K, you can turn round now," Jensen said a few moments later. "I'm almost decent – you bring me a t-shirt too?" He accepted the t-shirt Cougar held out to him with a "Thanks, Coug. Yeah, thanks for, you know. . . for coming out here and bringing this stuff." He turned to look at Cougar, eyes nervous. "You – you helped me . . . it . . ." his voice dropped even quieter, "it helped. What you did, it helped."

"De nada. It is time we headed back." Jensen nodded and took a step towards the path before Cougar could stop him. "Jensen, your leg . . ."

Jensen stopped and looked down, tentatively shifting weight from one leg to the other, before rolling his pants leg up to get a look at his knee. Just the faintest of bruises remained and as he cautiously prodded all round the joint and the leftover bruising, he seemed content to call it healed.

Cougar kept a cautious watch as they walked back to the farmhouse but Jensen didn't seem to favor the leg at all. The rest of the team was waiting as they walked in and Jensen looked embarrassed at the attention. "Good to see you back, man," Pooch greeted from where he was flipping bacon in a pan at the stove, "Although you know, your other self is kinda fun too when he relaxes."

Jensen's head tilted as if to see whether Pooch meant what he said. He smiled a little when Pooch clearly did.

* * *

**Spanish to English Translations**

(1) Idiot, I'll get it for you!

(2) Yes, of course I did. I would never leave you.

(3) I promise.

(4) You are handsome. My heart will always be yours.

(5) Everything's fine.


	6. No Other Answers

**Chapter 6 – No Other Answers**

_"__When you're part of a team, you stand up for your teammates. Your loyalty is to them. You protect them through good and bad, because they'd do the same for you." (Yogi Berra, "When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It" - Ch. 3)_

* * *

Over the next few months, Jensen seemed to gradually get back most of his confidence. It was still quite easy to shake, far more obviously fragile than the team had ever known it to be, but at least Jensen was talking and acting more like himself. All they could hope for was the time to let the psychological healing process continue.

With every mission that went well, they felt like they had more of the old Jensen back. As much as he could, Clay timed active missions away from the full moon. As each successive change became easier, Jensen's fatigue seemed to reduce. The one serious advantage to the change seemed to be Jensen's physical healing. Any mild sort of injury or malady seemed to get vanquished mid change and the more serious injuries were vastly improved.

They'd even managed to take on a couple of smaller jobs during the full moon, so long as Jensen had time to do everything technical they needed before the moon rose on the first night of the full moon, the others could carry out the job while he was changed and he would stand guard with either Pooch or Cougar depending on the location. By preference, the wolf would elect to watch over Cougar, while he kept guard over the others, but the wolf wasn't stupid by any means and he wouldn't even attempt to follow Cougar when he was carrying his rappelling gear, instead settling down in the transport with Pooch.

It was an easy peace for a time.

* * *

Clay kept watch over both Jensen and Cougar, wondering how Jensen didn't see what was clearly visible in Cougar's eyes. In his more philosophical moments, he wondered if the wolf in Jensen was fully aware of Cougar's feelings, given the amount of extra-affectionate attention the wolf would heap upon the quiet man as well as his protective guarding of the team's sniper.

The sniper clearly cared deeply for both versions of Jensen, fiercely protective of them both. He was always the one who sat with Jensen through the change. Jensen had tried making the change alone, could do it if the need arose. He had learnt how to accept the change, not fight it and let the inevitable happen. Cougar though was not willing to accept that development and had fought long and hard with Jensen to be allowed to accompany him, pointing out that Jensen was vulnerable for a few minutes before and after as well as during the change and Cougar could have his back. It had taken a good deal of arguing back and forth, and Clay drawing himself up ready to intervene, for Jensen to suddenly concede and withdraw from the room.

Cougar had only allowed him a few minutes respite before following, but when no further arguing could be heard through their bedroom door, Clay elected to leave them alone.

* * *

Cougar had given Jensen a few minutes to calm down and regain his composure. He'd been relieved to see the younger man advocating for himself for once. It was good to see his confidence return, but that didn't mean that he was right or that Cougar was going to back down, because he wasn't going to let a friend risk his life over a small thing like this.

When he entered their room, he wasn't unduly surprised to see Jensen curled up on his bed, feigning sleep as he faced the wall. He closed the door quietly behind him and crossed to Jensen's side, sitting down on the edge of Jensen's bed, he spoke softly, "I am sorry, Jensen. I did not want to fight with you, but you must understand. . ."

Jensen stopped pretending to be asleep and rolled over, a world of hurt clear in his eyes as he said, "I'm not some weak little . . ."

"No, you're not weak at all." Cougar thought for a moment of the power in the man before him, in his perfect body and his entrancing mind, then shifted his thoughts to the beauty, power and grace of the wolf. He rested a hand gently on Jensen's shoulder, saw as Jensen closed his eyes as if to hide a pain before shifting across the bed and letting Cougar move to sit all the way on the bed next to him, before settling back to his original position, even closer to his friend. Cougar allowed his thumb to trail softly back and forth.

They were silent for a while, until Cougar broke the silence. "Jensen, why does your wolf follow me?" Jensen looked up at him, confusion clear and Cougar worried for a moment that this was one of those things that Jensen didn't know happened with the wolf. He explained, "When we are on a mission, you follow me when I am keeping watch."

"Only when I can get there," came the soft reply. Cougar felt as Jensen's body shifted with a deep breath in and out.

"Why?" Cougar asked, even though he figured he knew. "Do you think I am weak?"

"N-no!" Jensen started to pull back, only for Cougar to hold him still. "It's – it's just you . . . you're so focussed on everyone else, someone could sneak up on you. You could be hurt!"

"So you don't think I can look after myself?" There was a lilt of humor intertwined with the accented words.

"I – I-" This time Jensen did pull away; he moved to sit at the end of the bed, feet on the floor, shoulders slumped forward. "I can't risk you getting hurt . . . I need you to be okay, Coug . . ."

"And I feel the same way about you being hurt, mi amigo."

Jensen looked back over his shoulder to see Cougar's soft half smile, filled with affection. His own lips tilted a little upwards at the side, not yet a smile, but a glimmer of hope. "Sorry?" Jensen offered, relaxing further as Cougar's smile grew. "I'm a fucking asshole, don't know why you put up with me at all!" Cougar laughed.

* * *

So time moved on, the team grew accustomed to Jensen's change, adjusted to the new person he had become and more and more of the old Jensen came back into play. They adapted and moved on, reliant on each other and protective of their own. It hadn't been easy but they figured they'd come through the worst and so the day Clay and Roque came back from a few days' leave to find Jensen almost comatose alone was a shock. The bottle of whisky at Jensen's side was the obvious cause.

Clay had forced him to get up and into the shower before retreating from the bathroom, unsurprised when he heard the sound of puking through the door. It didn't take long for him to hear Jensen get back into the shower and when he finally appeared wrapped in a towel, he looked pale, washed out but mostly alert. "Get dressed and I'll see you downstairs," Clay barked and watched as Jensen shuffled toward his room. Downstairs, Roque had already made coffee and was sitting, waiting.

"Didn't see that coming," Roque commented drily, "Thought he was supposed to be with his sister and wasn't going to be back until late?"

"Apparently not!" Clay took his own coffee and drank deeply. "Guess we should be glad he only tried to drink himself to death and didn't do anything else while we weren't looking. Fuck! I thought he was okay!" Clay let his head drop into his hands on the table.

"I'm a werewolf," said Jensen's voice drily from the doorway. "In what fucking universe do you live where any part of that statement can be 'okay'? I'm a fucking werewolf!"

"Jensen . . ."

Jensen cut him off abruptly, "Don't – just stop with the lies and the 'it'll be okay, Jensen' because it won't. Not ever. There is no way this can be okay. Until someone fucking shoots me, I'm a werewolf. There's not going to be any turning back, any suddenly not being a werewolf anymore. It's what I am now . . . forever! How the hell do I go home like that? How do I ever leave the fucking army? Or – or move team? Or anything? What about my fucking life?"

Clay knew it was a fair point, there was no turning back. Jensen was stuck like this and stuck with them as well because it wasn't like he could switch team without more people needing to know about it. The same applied to any job he took outside the army and for a man whose sister and niece meant everything to him, it was a huge secret to be hiding. "I can't make any of that right, Jensen, and I'm sorry I can't, but you're still alive and healthy. You can still do all of the things you did before for most of the month and you can still provide for your family . . . Do you want me to take you to see a few soldiers in the vets' hospital? Do you want to see some soldiers who can't do anything for themselves ever again?" Clay knew that now he was being harsh, but self-pity wasn't doing Jensen any good. They couldn't change the past and Jensen was right there was no changing what he now was, but a soldier's life was full of risk. What had happened was completely off the wall, but it didn't change the fact that they were all likely to end up dead or permanently injured from the kind of missions they undertook. It was a sad fact that this was not the worst that could have happened.

Jensen crossed the room slumping down into the nearest vacant chair and letting his head drop onto his arms on the table. Roque raised his eyebrows at Clay, surprised by the man's lack of tact, after all that was more his forte than Clay's. He pushed his own chair back and stood up to pour another cup of coffee, topping up his own while he was there. He poured a healthy dose of sugar into the new cup before setting it down beside Jensen, "Drink up, Jensen. Dilute some of the alcohol in your system before the others get back. So how come you're back this early?"

"Never left," Jensen grunted without lifting his head.

"Explain."

"My sister and I don't have secrets or so she tells me, but I seem to be keeping a fucking big one and . . . and I just couldn't face that right now. . . so I thought you know maybe I could get laid, maybe then I'd feel a bit more . . . human." He was surprised when no comments were made about his inability to pick up girls when the rest of the team were around. "So . . . so there was this girl and she was a little bit drunk and so was I and things were . . . were progressing and it hit me what if I got her pregnant?"

"Condoms, Jensen, thought you knew that," Roque growled.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Jensen looked up irritated, "But you know even then there's a risk, a small one. You know old condom, condom breaks, I dunno it happens. They don't offer an absolute fucking guarantee, do they? So just imagine that scenario, the one where the girl gets pregnant . . . then what? What does she get to look forward to? Does she get a baby, a wolf or something that switches between the two?"

"Fuck!" It was a valid point to which they had no answers.

"'s alright, I left her alone and came back here to do some more research, look for some answers, but you know . . . I figure I should just give up on that now, because there isn't anything out there to help me." The weight of the depression in his words was easy to hear for both Roque and Clay, but they couldn't refute what he was saying.

Before they could say anything further Cougar and Pooch opened the door, the two men laughing as Pooch described some wild tale. Both took in the way their team-mates were sitting, the pallor and sadness that seemed to surround Jensen and their laughter stopped, concern instantly obvious.

Jensen just pushed his chair back and said, "I'm going to lie down, I feel like shit."

Before he got far, Roque stopped him, holding out a large glass of water to take with him. "I'll bring you some pain-killers in a while. Go sleep it off, Corporal."

It was Cougar who brought the painkillers later that evening along with a light sandwich which he insisted Jensen eat first, along with a glass of cool, fresh water. He woke Jensen quietly, giving him time to come round at his own speed and keeping the light dim, in deference to the hangover he was enduring.

After a trip to the bathroom, Jensen sat down on the bed and patted the space beside him in the hope that Cougar would join him. As Cougar settled and Jensen began to eat, it was Cougar who broke the silence, "I'm sorry, Jake. Sorry there were no answers, sorry I could not kill it before it caught you."

Jensen looked up with a soft smile, one hand stretching out to pat Cougar's thigh. "It's not your fault, dude. And you know, Clay's right, I should be grateful, it could be worse than this. Way worse . . . I was lucky . . . I guess it just all hit home this weekend here on my own and . . . I was feeling kinda pathetic!" he finished with a nervous laugh.

"I would have stayed."

"Yeah . . . I know . . . just the same as I could have gone to my sister's like I told you all I was going to do . . . It was just – fuck, it's been a long time and – and I figured maybe I could get laid and I saw this girl and she was nice an' all and I thought if she was willing then it wouldn't be so bad . . ." He set the plate down beside him and brought a hand up pinching at the bridge of his nose as if it could relieve some of the pressure he felt inside. "It's not – she wasn't what I really wanted, but she was something, she was . . . fuck, I sound like a fucking bastard. She wanted it and she didn't want any more than just that and I thought maybe it would be enough that I could just manage and then I couldn't – I couldn't because I couldn't take the risk and fuck, Cougs, she's not even what I really want . . ."

"The risk is small."

"It's not worth it though . . . not when she's not what I really want." Cougar nodded as if accepting the explanation. "God, I missed you, man. All quiet and shit, but you're just here and . . . fuck! Sorry! Guess I haven't slept too well while you were away."

"Then rest now," Cougar said, pulling Jensen closer to him, fitting the younger man into the position he often took as the full moon approached.

* * *

With the hangover in the past, it seemed that Jensen had returned to normal, but the team were keeping a much closer eye on him to make sure the depression did not take over. Mission followed mission and they had little down time between; time for visiting family or even resting was few and far between. They found that they were accustoming themselves to finding places to hole up so Jensen could change wherever they were. It was hard going at first, but as Jensen found it easier and easier to change back and forth, they needed less isolated locations and the wolf was wary enough not to put them in danger.

It was nowhere near the time of the full moon when the shit really hit the fan. It started with a mountain pass and seemed like it was going to end in a particularly dank dungeon in a mess of blood and guts. Pooch was captured first, followed closely by Cougar when the sniper tried to take out the guards holding and beating Pooch. He was so focused on the beating Pooch was taking in the middle of the courtyard that he didn't hear guards sneak up behind him, until one kicked his rifle away and another kicked him in the side.

Jensen was inside the building and heard it all over the comms as he worked on the computer system there. He knew it made his position far more vulnerable. There was no organized retreat, no covering fire and he had no intention of leaving his team-mates captive here in this hell hole. Logic told him that he needed to get out and get to Clay and Roque where they could make a plan to get the others free, but things only went downhill even faster when one of the guards had the intelligence to work out that transport and a sniper as cover meant there were more people inside their base of operations and they need to find who and where they were.

Needless to say Jensen managed to avoid capture for only a limited amount of time. Given that even if he had escaped the compound itself, there'd have been miles to cover on foot, he tried to console himself with the fact that at least he, Pooch and Cougar would be all in one place waiting for rescue.

He'd been cuffed from the start, shoved down onto his knees and kicked. By the time he was dragged in to the same cell as Pooch and Cougar, he was bloodied and bruised with one eye swelling shut and what felt like badly bruised ribs, if not worse; enough to make just breathing in uncomfortable.

He was relieved to see his team mates, even if they looked pretty much like he felt. Pooch was barely conscious, head hanging forward, only held in place by the fact his hands were tied behind him to the back legs of his chair, so he couldn't topple forward.

Cougar was conscious, very much so, but in some respects his injuries looked even worse. The man standing in front of the sniper was wielding a knife that would have made Roque proud. The man looked round as Jensen was dragged in, pausing in the midst of dragging his knife across Cougar's chest to first glare at the interruption and then give a predatory smile as he twirled his knife, coming to take a closer look at the new arrival. He leaned in closer, licking his lips as he leered, tapping Jensen's cheek with his knife, then turning to the men who'd dragged Jensen in and saying something that was no doubt lascivious judging by his laughter and the reaction of the other men.

Jensen sneered as if he wasn't unnerved by the reaction, then spat at the man, hitting him full in the face, "You're not my type, sweetheart, and seriously have you not heard of breath mints?" A man he'd not noticed at first spoke up at that, saying something to the other men but not moving from where he was leaning back against a wall on the far side of the room.

Whatever he'd said had the brute with the leer backhanding Jensen across the face, before grabbing him around the throat and squeezing. Jensen just closed his eyes and tried to calm himself enough to keep the panic at bay, hoping the guy would let go before he started having any real problems breathing.

Jensen found it harder still to maintain his composure when he felt the cold metal of the knife blade laying against his cheek, the point pressing down trying to break the skin. His eyes snapped open and he looked at the knife as best he could, trying to keep the fear hidden. "Old hat, seen it better before . . . definitely a case of been there and done that," he gritted out.

The guy against the wall spoke again as soon as Jensen had finished and Jensen decided he must be 'translating' what he said when the knife-guy drew the knife down Jensen's cheek with a swift sharp movement, leaving the skin open and bleeding and Jensen cursing. There was a shout of "Jensen!" from Cougar, but knife-guy just kicked out at the chair Cougar was tied to, almost toppling it over and Cougar glared furiously but fell silent again.

Knife-guy then turned his attention to the men who'd dragged Jensen in, the conversation was quick and most of it incomprehensible, although Jensen recognized a few computer terms and figured that they were saying where they'd found him and what they thought he'd been doing at the time. It didn't take knife-guy long to dismiss them, probably sending them back out to check the perimeter or something Jensen figured.

He came back over to Jensen, trailing the knife, down his face, across his chest, all the while talking to him. Jensen barely understood a word of it, although the tone was threatening enough for him to be able to hazard a guess or two about the general gist. He decided to stick with cocky though and just leaned his head away from the knife and faked a yawn, before saying, "No idea what you're talking about, dude, but you know I know a man with a bigger knife than you and his technique's got more finesse than your lazy ass too!"

"It isn't wise to anger the man who has you tied up when he has the only knife that is here now," said the wall-guy in heavily-accented English.

Jensen's eyes flitted across to him and he smirked as he said, "And there I was thinking you were there to look pretty, like an indoor garden gnome kind of thing! Tell your friend here that his knife just screams overcompensation!"

"I tell him that and you'll be the one screaming and the one no longer looking so pretty. He likes that, at least one of you would enjoy it. He wants to know what you were doing to the computer system."

"And I want to know what happens at the end of the Harry Potter books, but see it's like so many things in life, you just have to wait until someone else is goddamned ready to tell you! Or I guess go and look at it to find out the answer yourself when you have the time."

Wall-guy spoke rapidly to Knife-guy and before Jensen could brace himself for the blow, he felt the impact as the knife was stabbed through clothes and skin and into the meat of his thigh. He screamed, trying to regain control, panting, eyes wild. "Fuck you!" he panted.

The guy backhanded him across the mouth, punched him full in the face and Jensen felt the gush of blood as it began to stream from his nose. The next blow hit him square in the stomach, his body arching and trying to draw in as much as his restraints would allow. The guy grabbed his chin and pulled it up to look in his face again as he spoke. Jensen tried to pull his head away, still listening as Wall-guy offered him both the demand and the threat of further violence in English. Jensen pulled his head sharply and mumbled, "Told ya already: fuck you!"

Knife-guy laughed, then kicked Jensen's chair knocking it over and letting it fall to the floor with him still tied to it and unable to protect his head as it collided with the floor. He turned his attention away, moving back over to Pooch who had begun to stir. He gave him a few slaps, just enough to wake him fully so that he was aware of what was going on around him before crossing back to Cougar.

Cougar greeted him by spitting in his face as he leaned in close to growl a threat. With a roar of anger, he punched Cougar in the stomach, then barked an instruction at Wall-guy who crossed to Jensen and said, "He says watch, while he cuts your little friend into pieces. You want him more or less whole, then you tell us what you were doing. You no tell us, he has two of them to play with before he needs to get inventive with you."

"Fuck off," Jensen muttered. "Don't even know these guys. You think I care what happens to them."

Wall-guy laughed, "You seem to forget that you've been referring to each other by name. You're here together." He pointed at Cougar. "He was your cover fire and that one," he punctuated the statement with a gesture in Pooch's direction, "was your escape and now you are all 'fucked' I believe the term is."

"Still not going to tell you anything," Jensen said. "Don't like y'r attitude, so not gonna share with ya."

Wall-guy shrugged and then spoke to Knife-guy, who gave a slow smile as he turned back to Cougar and began to cut. Each stroke of his knife was progressively deeper, the flow of blood growing from drip to trickle to flow, covering the front of Cougar's chest in red, that seeped down to the top of his pants and began to soak down into the material, spreading further and further down the top of his thighs. Cougar didn't make a sound, but Jensen could see the pain in his eyes.

There was a moment of memory, a thought of all the times Jensen had curled in and inhaled Cougar's scent and found it soothing as his change approached, of all the things that Cougar did without question because he thought it was what Jensen needed. A moment of clarity like the one he'd had with the girl, knowing it wasn't her, but Cougar that he'd wanted. Now Jensen knew, his own life didn't matter at all, he would do anything to save Cougar. He felt as his wolf growled within and knew that he could master that power, use it now to protect what mattered most to him.

He slumped further onto the floor, letting the human part of himself ebb and the wolf surge, feeling as the change overtook him. As his bones and muscles shifted and changed, so the restraints fell free and his body could shift and change more easily and with more speed. It was a matter of moments and rather than the usual collapse as the emotion of the change overwhelmed him, this time he let his anger swell, increasing to the point of overwhelming until with a howl of fury, he leapt at Knife guy who was in the process of dragging his knife across Cougar's chest yet again.

Without pause, Jensen in his wolf form dove for the man's neck, teeth closing in on his jugular and pulling. He allowed his full weight to land on the man's chest, pushing him backward to the ground, even as his head swung backward, ripping the man's throat away from him, leaving him gargling as the last flickers of life drained from his eyes and body.

The wolf didn't stop, immediately pushing back and leaping across the room to sink its teeth into the shoulders of Wall-guy, pulling him back into the room from the doorway where he had been trying to make his escape. The man screamed as Jensen's wolf scrabbled to get his claws embedded, twisting the man's body over, he made quick work of killing him and leaving him to die beside his colleague.

The wolf crossed to his own packmates, whined at the two men where they were still restrained. "Jensen," Cougar's voice was pain-filled, barely more than a whisper. Jensen's wolf paced round in front of Cougar, head tilted for a moment before he whined again and then paced away. "Jensen!" Cougar's voice was still quiet, but distinctly more insistent. "Jensen, come here!"

The wolf seemed to look at him, then started to move towards him, before turning to the door with another whine. "Fuck!" said Pooch. "What the hell do we do now?"

"Jensen!" Cougar snapped, determined the wolf would obey, even as he sensed the fear and distress within the animal. "Jensen, bring me the knife . . . Now, Jensen!" The wolf looked round at Cougar who nodded toward the knife and repeated his instruction. The wolf paced back to where the two dead men lay, struggling to paw the knife free of the full weight of the man's body, before he picked it up between his teeth and brought it toward Cougar. He tilted his head as if unsure what to do next. Cougar was relieved, "That's it, Jensen, that's it. Now round to my back, try and put it into my hand. Please, Jensen."

Jensen's wolf padded round to Cougar's back and tried to drop the knife into his hand. The first time he missed and the knife clattered to the floor, but the wolf swiftly worked on picking it back up again and struggled, turning his head trying to find the right way to place it in Cougar's hand. It wasn't until he drew back, having got the knife into Cougar's hand, allowing the sniper to start trying to cut himself free, that Pooch saw blood dripping from the wolf's mouth where he'd cut himself picking the knife up by the blade to pass it to Cougar. The wolf was backing away to the corner once it seemed sure that Cougar had a hold of the knife.

"Shit! Jensen, Jensen, come here," Pooch said. The wolf turned away, slumping into the corner. "Cougs, hurry! He's bleeding from his mouth! What the hell happened?"

With a groan, Cougar managed to get himself free then struggled across to Pooch's side to cut him free as well. As soon as Pooch's hands were free, Cougar gave him the knife and awkwardly made his way over to Jensen, who was now curled in the corner, head almost hidden. Not one of them was unscathed, but a niggling suspicion told Cougar that this latest injury wasn't the real issue with Jensen.

"Jensen," Cougar said softly, but the wolf didn't stir. He buried one hand into the mound of fur reaching as far as he could round the wolf's front to feel the wolf's heart racing. "Jensen, it's okay. We need you to help us get out though, please." The wolf opened an eye and tilted its head toward Cougar. "Come, mi amigo, I need your help."

The wolf heaved itself to its feet and turned to face Cougar, stepping forward and burying its muzzle into Cougar's neck. Cougar brought one hand up to hold the wolf close and reassure it that it could keep going and help them out. The wolf shifted position as if trying to help Cougar back up to his feet. It whined at its inability to help with Cougar's injuries, Cougar just reassured it again softly and encouraged it toward the door. Once on his feet, Cougar moved to Pooch's side and the two of them leant heavily on each other as they followed Jensen from the room and down the hallways hoping to find a way out without meeting any of the other guards.

It was an advantage having the wolf with them. Jensen seemed to be able to detect movement from further away than they would normally expect, giving them time to hide and he was also to lead them without too many wrong turns to an exit and from there to a vehicle that fortunately already had a full tank of gas.

Pooch carefully hoisted himself up into the driver's seat and began to work on hotwiring it. It was a matter of moments before the engine roared to life, but the passenger door was still open and neither Cougar nor Jensen had climbed in. Careful to keep the truck running, Pooch leaned across to see his team mates outside as Cougar tried to coax the wolf in through the door to sit beside Pooch. Jensen was pacing in circles, nudging at Cougar to get him in but refusing to go near the door himself.

"Jensen! Come here now!" Pooch whispered urgently, not wanting to draw any more unwanted attention. The wolf looked at Pooch over his shoulder, then stalked to the other side of Cougar and pushed against him with his nose. "Cougs, come on, man. You get in and then he'll follow."

"No, he won't," Cougar snapped. "He has no intention of leaving with us." The wolf's head dropped and with difficulty, Cougar bent down beside him and caught his head bringing it up to meet his eyes. Jensen whined in protest. "Get in now, Jensen or we all stay. We're not leaving you behind. Ven conmigo o nos quedemos los dos. No hay otra opción, así que súbate ahora." (1)

Jensen whined another protest, but turned and awkwardly jumped in alongside Pooch. He turned with difficulty and lay down as small as he could make himself across Cougar's feet. It wasn't ideal, but as Cougar slammed the door closed he was just relieved to have them all together. There was no way he was going to risk letting Jensen sit in the open truck bed and then have him jump out when they could do nothing about it.

He knew why Jensen was being difficult, could totally understand the fear that would be inside both man and wolf. He could see the difference between the reality and what he knew would be going through Jensen's mind, the memory of the savage beast that had attacked him and the fear that what he'd just done to save his team mates would doom him to the same insane fate. He needed to wait until Jensen was a man again to discuss things fully and for the minute that meant keeping close guard over the wolf to make sure they didn't lose him in the meantime.

"You could change back now, dude," Pooch said to the wolf, looking down for a moment before revving the engine and heading for the compound exit at high speed. Cougar leant over to sift his fingers through the wolf's fur on the back of his neck but the wolf didn't react, just left his head resting on his front paws, his nose now tucked under Cougar's leg.

As Pooch slammed through the barricades, the truck bounced and the wolf let out a pained whine as its body impacted with the front of the seats and then its head bounced off the dash. "Geez, sorry, Jensen," Pooch groaned, the bounce of the track not helping his wounds anymore than they were making Jensen's ride easy. "Change back, dude . . . at least then you can sit up here with the rest of us."

"He's needs peace and quiet to change back," Cougar said simply, letting his hand rest on the only part of Jensen that he could reach from that position, just hoping that it would offer him some reassurance, although he suspected in the wolf's current frame of mind, it would probably do nothing of the sort.

"Where to now?" Pooch asked. "We don't seem to have a tail. Do we head straight for Clay and Roque or. . ."

"Be safe," was Cougar's response and Pooch turned the wheel, heading away from the rendez-vous with the rest of the team. As the truck took a corner at high speed, Jensen whined again and Pooch apologized, not letting his eyes slip from the road ahead.

They took their time to make sure they were not leading anyone else to the rendezvous point. Jensen had grown more and more agitated as they travelled, the wolf's whines growing louder and more persistent. He'd tried to stand up, tried to turn several times but the space and the speed at which they were traveling made it more difficult.

Cougar was silent and in the end, it was Pooch who tried to calm the wolf, only to have it start to yip and paw at Cougar and grow more desperate still. Pooch looked across at Cougar to see why the other man wasn't making more effort to calm Jensen, only to realize that Cougar was the cause of the wolf's agitation. Blood loss and other injuries were clearly taking their toll on the sniper as he had slumped against the car door, eyes barely half-mast. "Fuck!" exclaimed Pooch. "Fuck it all! That's it, we're heading to Clay now. Jensen! Shut the fuck up, I'm on it. I'm taking him to Clay, now sit down!"

The wolf slumped for a moment, before trying to get at least his head up on to Cougar's lap. Pooch floored the gas and wished he could get them all back home not just to the safe house but all the way to the United States quicker. By the time, Pooch screeched to a halt outside the safe house, Clay and Roque were sprinting out to meet them, shouting for details.

"Wait!" Pooch yelled as he wound down his window. "You – you've got to watch it. Cougs is hurt, badly hurt and Jensen . . . Jensen's in his wolf form and . . . and he almost wouldn't come back with us so . . . so when you open the door make sure he doesn't bolt."

"Jensen's a wolf! What the fuck happened?"

"Later!" Pooch snapped, "Help Cougs, he's barely holding on." Pooch turned his attention to Jensen, trying to coax the wolf to look at him, carefully stroking his head and then trying to turn the wolf's head so their eyes would meet. "Jensen, listen to me. Clay's gonna take care of Cougs, he's gonna take care of him, but Cougs is gonna need you to watch out for him. You need to follow them. Follow them now, Jensen." Jensen's head swung from Pooch to Cougar and back again. Pooch tried again as Clay and Roque carefully opened the passenger door and caught Cougar as he slumped outward. Jensen whined as Pooch tried again, "Stay near Cougar. Keep guard, keep him safe, Jensen, that's your job."

Pooch opened his door as Jensen started to follow Roque and Clay. He staggered as his feet hit the ground, barely keeping himself upright. Jensen looked back as if he'd heard the stumble. He tilted his head, watching for a moment, looked back at Cougar and then again at Pooch. He seemed to come to a decision as he watched Roque and Clay supporting Cougar, and moved to Pooch's side and tried to walk close to him as he made his way toward the house. Pooch tried to smile through the pain as he recognized Jensen's attempt to protect and help him.

As soon as he got them both inside the house, Pooch closed the door and locked it, drawing Jensen's attention back to the door. The wolf turned and paced back to the door, pawing at it as if wanting it open. He whined, looked at Pooch who hadn't moved away from the door yet and instead was leaning back against the wall with his eyes closed, trying to breathe deeply and knowing he wasn't doing such a good job of it.

Jensen's whines were growing louder and his pawing at the door more frantic and Pooch snapped his fingers to try and draw his attention away. It had no effect and Jensen's whines just continued until Roque came out of Cougar's room. "What the hell's going on out here? What's that noise?"

Jensen scrabbled against the door, turned his head to look at the new arrival and tried again. "Geez, Pooch. Why didn't you tell us you were hurt as well?"

"Coug . . ." Pooch panted, energy failing him as he began to slip down the wall. Roque leapt across the room, slipping an arm round his back and halting the descent.

"Come on, one step at a time, let's get you at least sitting down so I can look you over." Jensen was watching and, seeming to follow the importance of the conversation between Pooch and Roque, he slumped to the floor by the door and laid there waiting.

It was a couple of hours before both Cougar and Pooch were patched up as much as was possible. Both really needed to see a doctor, but it would have to wait until they had access to army facilities. Jensen hadn't moved from his spot by the door and watched as Clay and Roque moved between his two injured team mates. When Clay finally sat down, Jensen whined as if to finally draw attention to himself, in the hope of one of them opening the door. As Clay started to stand up to move over to him, Pooch spoke up, "Don't let him out . . . Cougs said whatever happened we shouldn't let him out of our sight. He has to stay with us. I don't get it, but Cougs . . ."

Clay nodded and strode over to Jensen's side, before dropping down to the wolf's level. He swept a hand through his fur and tried to calm the animal's agitation. "I need you to do something, Jensen. Everyone needs rest, we're going to have to move out in the morning, and they need sleep. I need you to watch over Cougs tonight. He needs someone to watch him, and if there's a problem to come get me and Roque. I need you to do that, Jensen. Come on," he stood up and encouraged the wolf to walk with him through to where Cougar was asleep in the other room.

Jensen's wolf paced the length of the bed on which Cougar was lying, looking and sniffing as if checking in the only way he could that Cougar was there and still alive. He looked up at Clay who attempted some sort of reassurance, "He's doing okay there, kid. You did good getting him and Pooch out."

The wolf turned away and Clay lowered himself to the floor beside the bed, wondering what help to offer. "Jensen, come and lie down . . ." he looked closer at the wolf, saw blood matted in its fur and reached out to bring the wolf closer with an arm slung over its back. The wolf crossed and lay down beside him, head resting on Clay's thigh. "That's right, you need to rest too. You ready to change back now?" He kept the weight of his hand on Jensen's back, not letting the wolf stand and move away. "You changing back any time soon? It's only us here," he kept his voice as soft and soothing as he could, not used to needing to coerce anyone. He was in the army, a Lieutenant Colonel, he spent his life threatening and making people do what he wanted. That tack had rarely worked with Jensen and was even less likely to work with him in this form. "Come on, Jensen, you can do it . . . for Cougar." The wolf seemed to shudder at the mention of Cougar's name. Clay stroked down the fur from his ears to his shoulders, feeling the power of the muscles below. "What did you do, Jensen? How did you do this?"

The wolf whined and Clay shifted position and began to run his hands over the wolf's body trying to eliminate his worry that Jensen was carrying injuries of his own. He found a few spots that made the wolf wince, but nothing more and the blood thankfully was not his own. As Clay's fingers caught in the matted blood, Jensen looked round at it, reaching forward as if to clean himself before realizing what it was and seeming to become very agitated.

"I've got it, Jensen, it'll be okay," Clay tried to calm him and keep him still, just as the door opened and Roque was leaning against the doorframe.

"You've got what?" Roque asked. "And what the hell are you and the idiot doing this time?"

"i_We_/i need to help him clean up, bring some cloths and some warm water and you can give me a hand. It won't take long."

"He's hurt?" Roque sounded genuinely concerned, despite his harsh tone of moments before. "Why's he not changed back?"

"No, well, nothing too bad, a few bruises is all I can find, but we're going to help him to get rid of this crap that's stuck in his fur. Maybe it's not so easy. Who knows what it took out of him to change like this away from the right time of the month? You heard what Pooch said, they'd still be there and Cougar would probably be dead by now the way things were going, if Jensen hadn't been able to get them out of there. He used the only way available to him." He ran a hand up from Jensen's nose and over the back of his head, looking at the wolf intently, "He did the right thing and now we're here for him for the rest of it." Jensen edged forward at a crawl, posture submissive as he tried to bury his nose back under Clay's hand. "We're here, Jensen," Clay reassured, "You're going to be fine."

Roque returned moments later with a bowl of fresh clean water and some old cloths he'd found. While Clay kept the wolf still, Roque soaked the cloths and began to stroke down over the matted fur until the dried blood began to dissolve and come free. As he cleaned, he checked closer for injuries hidden below the fur before saying, "It's not his blood, that's good." As the wolf stood up, they saw a small patch of fresh blood lying on the floor where he had been lying. Clay pulled the wolf back to him, exposing the side that had been beneath him as Roque had cleaned his fur. Roque moved in to examine, finding an open wound high on the wolf's thigh. It looked as if it had begun to heal in the change but hadn't finished. Roque looked up at Clay, "Just bandage it?" Clay shrugged then nodded.

Roque left the room, changed the water and brought it back clean along with the bandages. He worked quickly to clean the wound before wrapping it, thankful that the wolf held still throughout.

Once he was clean and all trace of the blood was gone, Jensen seemed to be a lot calmer, his attention shifting back to Cougar again. As Clay stood up, Jensen checked the length of Cougar's cot again, before settling down to lie on the floor alongside. Roque had left, taking the water and remains of the bandages they had used to clean the wolf up and so Clay was left with the wolf and his unconscious sniper. He leaned over and said, "Jensen, I shouldn't say this, I'd probably be shot for this if the Army ever found out, but you should know, just in case you haven't worked it out, you mean a hell of a lot more than just a team mate to Cougar. I'm going to leave you for now and I'm going to leave this door open. If you think Cougs needs anything, you come and get me, that clear?"

The wolf just seemed to settle more into his position beside the bed as if nothing would make him move elsewhere. Clay left quietly, heading to check on Pooch for one last time before turning in himself, knowing they'd need to move out in the morning and hoping that his two injured men would be able to manage the journey.

* * *

Clay could barely sleep with worrying about the health of Pooch and Cougar and whether he'd be able to get them to a decent medic, thoughts of Jensen trapped in his wolf form were also haunting his dreams. He'd got up a couple of times to check on Cougar and Pooch; the first time he'd found Jensen standing alongside Cougar's bed watching intently and the second he'd found him padding softly away from Pooch's bedside and back to Cougar's.

He'd bent down beside the wolf, running his hand through the soft fur as he began to talk, "Good job, Corporal. I know I don't say it, but you're good for this team. We need you. Sometimes I think it's your insane talk that keeps the rest of us grounded and human, keeps us from being consumed by all the bullshit of this job. I still feel pretty shitty about all that stuff I said, accusing you of being self-absorbed and selfish . . . I didn't really mean it. Fuck, you had every right to freak out, hell I'd have done it sooner if it were me. I didn't know what to say, I've never had something this big to deal with with no easy answers in sight, no protocol and I was freaked and I was afraid that I'd failed you. I don't know what to do for you, Jensen, I can't fix this; I have no answers and now you're a wolf and it's not full moon and I don't fucking know what to do about it."

Jensen turned and leaned his head against Clay's thigh with a muffled yip. Clay ruffled his fur again and said, "I'm gonna take that as forgiveness."

* * *

**Spanish to English translations**

(1) Come with me or we both stay. There's no other option, so get in now.


	7. The Possibility of a Turn for the Worse

**Chapter 7 – The Possibility of a Turn for The Worse**

_"__Acceptance is not a state of passivity or inaction. I am not saying you can't change the world, right wrongs, or replace evil with good. Acceptance is, in fact, the first step to successful action. If you don't fully accept a situation precisely the way it is, you will have difficulty changing it. Moreover, if you don't fully accept the situation, you will never really know if the situation should be changed." (Peter McWilliams, Life 101)_

_

* * *

_

Morning dawned early and Clay was packing up and ready to go at first light, waking Roque in the process. The two of them headed for Pooch first, waking him carefully and helping him get up dressed and ready to leave. They supported him through the house to sit in the makeshift kitchen area, while they turned their attention to Cougar. Opening the door, Clay was surprised to see Cougar being helped into his clothes by Jensen. Both men looked pale and weary, but all things considered, far better than Clay could have hoped for. Jensen had clearly already prepared their packs for departure and so it was now just a matter of transferring Cougar and their packs to the transport.

Clay and Roque had already decided that Roque would drive the first shift, with Clay staying awake long enough to help him get out of the surrounding area, but then trying to grab a little more sleep before he took over the driving. Looking at Jensen, Clay wondered if after a couple of hours of sleep, the tech might also be up to driving for a shift. They hadn't included him in the driving schedule, assuming he would still be in wolf form, but other than exhaustion and bruising to one side of his face, he seemed relatively unscathed. Clay took him to one side for long enough to ask about his thigh wound but Jensen shrugged and gave a wave of dismissal before turning back to join the others.

They loaded up the van quickly, putting both Cougar and Pooch in the back lying on the floor in the hope they'd be both more comfortable and maybe able to rest some more in that position. Jensen sat between them, back against the side of the van, keeping watch. Clay was concerned that Jensen hadn't spoken a word since they'd woken up, but he didn't have enough time to give it much thought. Speaking over the front seat, he said, "Jensen, try and get some rest. We'll need you to drive a shift later."

* * *

The journey had been torturous, but to everyone's relief, they survived it. Clay got help for Pooch and Cougar and the two of them were soon deemed fit enough for travel back to the U.S. Jensen still hadn't spoken a word within Clay or Roque's hearing, something that was unnerving, even to Roque. He'd sat silently by the sniper's bedside for as much time as the medics had allowed it, moving only when they'd insisted he leave. The sniper, for his part, had seemed willing to put up with Jensen's silence, but he had frequently reached out for Jensen as if aware of the morbid direction the younger man's thoughts had been travelling. The two of them had held hands at Cougar's instigation, just enough for each to know that the other was fine and the one time Jensen had fallen asleep at Cougar's bedside, toppling forwards so his head fell beside Cougar's stomach, the sniper had let his hand rest gently on Jensen's hair as if to reassure his team-mate and ward off any bad dreams.

* * *

Back in the U.S., Pooch and Cougar had been checked into the base medical center. Pooch had only been kept overnight before being released and Clay had promptly sent him off to see Jolene to rest up and reassure his wife that he was recovering. Cougar needed further work to his injuries and so the medics planned to keep him as an in-patient for longer.

Jensen was another matter entirely. Physically he seemed okay, his injuries hadn't healed as quickly or as completely as the team had come to expect from his full moon change, but the bruises were starting to yellow and the cuts were almost gone. Clay had insisted on checking the thigh wound himself and had seen that it was indeed knitting and healing quicker than it would if Jensen were a normal human, if not as quickly as they usually expected of injuries sustained before a change to Jensen's wolf state. It was the psychological effect of all that had happened that was worrying Clay the most. Jensen still wasn't speaking, was barely eating or sleeping and the only time he seemed to calm from a state of jittery agitation was when he was at Cougar's bedside. Every evening for the last week, either he or Roque had had to respond to a call from the medical center demanding that Jensen be removed from Cougar's bedside and taken home. Every time it was a battle to get him to go, even with Cougar's quiet insistence that he was fine and would see Jensen in the morning.

So it wasn't that great a surprise to Clay to find himself being called in to speak to one of the doctors, not about Cougar's health, but about Jensen's. It turned out the medics had also noticed the silence, the growing bags beneath his eyes and the fact that he didn't seem to be eating anything as he sat with Cougar for the whole day, and then there was his fixation on being at Cougar's side and watching his team mate heal. They were talking about PTSD and depression and they wanted to do tests to determine his mental health. Clay figured that would be interesting given the tech's stubborn refusal to talk to anyone. He also knew the last thing he could allow was for Jensen to have a psychiatric evaluation or to be admitted for further observation.

Cougar was well aware of the problem, knew that he needed to get well quickly so that he could be with Jensen when the full moon came and that they all needed to be far from Fort Bragg at the time of Jensen's change. He pushed his recovery, grateful to have Jensen at his side when he was trying to force himself through the pain and make his muscles work again.

He was released with just two days to spare to the full moon, glad to find their usual truck already packed and that a place in the mountains was booked and waiting when Jensen and Clay picked him up from the center. Clay had given him the choice to stay behind and rest, but there was no way Cougar was sitting this one out now, not when Jensen had done so much for him. They swung down to the barracks to collect Roque, who it appeared had been on a supply run, making sure they had enough food to last them the whole trip.

The motion of the vehicle combined with the lingering effects of the drugs in his system had Cougar's eyes drifting closed repeatedly. He tried to stay awake, wanting to try to break through the self-imposed barriers that Jensen had been building. He reached for the younger man's hand, tried to pull him closer, trying to get him to relax.

Clay had already mentioned that he and Roque would be doing all the driving because they didn't think Jensen was up to the task and looking at him in natural daylight instead of the glare of the hospital lights that made everyone look pale and drawn, Cougar couldn't help but agree. They'd been on the road for more than an hour before Cougar finally co-erced Jensen to lean against him and once he'd achieved that it didn't take long to get Jensen to relax into a light doze. It wasn't really deep enough to allow Jensen the recuperation he needed, but it was something and Cougar allowed himself to fall asleep moments later.

* * *

Cougar slept through the majority of the drive, although Jensen had woken up after only thirty minutes of snoozing. When they arrived at the cabin, Jensen helped unload their stuff after helping Cougar inside. Once the initial work was done, Jensen vanished into the room he was going to share with Cougar and they didn't see him again, until Roque went in to get him for dinner, insisting that he come out and sit with them. He sat at the table, pushing food around his plate aimlessly, flinching when Roque told him to eat up and quit acting like a little kid. He took a few mouthfuls before pushing his plate away and heading back into his room.

"You got any suggestions?" Clay asked Cougar, the implication was clear that he and Roque had already talked and come up blank.

"No," Cougar answered sadly. "I don't believe he will go mad like the other wolf, no matter what he thinks."

"Hope you're right," Roque added.

"I will go to him now," Cougar said as he pushed his chair back from the table.

* * *

Cougar was surprised when he entered the room he was sharing with Jensen to see Jensen sitting on his bed with his legs stretched out in front of him, staring at the wall next to the door. He didn't have his laptop open or any of the other gadgets that Cougar was used to seeing him playing with. He was so deeply lost in his own thoughts that his eyes didn't even flicker in Cougar's direction.

Cougar crossed the room heading to sit directly in front of his friend. As he sat down on the bed, he saw the gun. Laying on the bed at Jensen's feet was the Honduran General's gun. Cougar's mind raced as he tried to think of what to say, how to say it so that Jensen would understand.

"I want you to have it," Jensen said, suddenly. "The gun; I want you to have it for all the times you saved me, all the times you were there for me. I could never have got this far, lasted this long, if it weren't for you."

"It's not over," Cougar said. "This isn't the end."

"How can you be so sure? How do you know I'm not going to change and be some crazed psychopathic killing machine?"

Cougar shrugged, "Because that isn't what you are. You're Jensen, same as always."

"I wish I could believe you, Cougs. I really wish I could." Cougar shifted closer as Jensen leaned towards him, wrapping the younger man in his arms and holding on as if he could fill Jensen with his own belief if he just held him tight enough.

The moment seemed to drag on with Cougar having no intention of letting go so long as Jensen seemed to be okay with being held close, head buried into the other man's neck. Cougar felt the barest shift of the muscles beneath his hands, expecting Jensen to pull away. Instead he was surprised when Jensen's hands reached up behind him and pulled him even closer. "Coug-" the word was muffled in his neck, half-sob half-plea and Cougar couldn't help but press a tender kiss to the top of Jensen's head.

Jensen shifted round, legs stretching out so he could pull Cougar even closer. "It's okay, Jake, it's okay," Cougar reassured, "I'm here." Jensen pressed a kiss to Cougar's neck. Cougar's breath hitched in surprise and then he felt Jensen tense against him. "Sssh, mi amor," he murmured softly, "All is well." He ran his hand up Jensen's back, burying it in his short hair and holding him close.

Jensen moved backward, as if to lie down and pull Cougar with him. Cougar shifted to the side, lying down next to him and wrapping his arms back round Jensen to hold him close. Jensen twisted his head to try and meet Cougar's lips with his own, determined.

Cougar accepted the kiss, but softened it, refusing to take it further. As he drew back, he coasted a hand down Jensen's cheek, brushing a thumb below Jensen's eye, gently but firmly holding Jensen back. "Cálmate," (1) he said, keeping Jensen at a distance. "There will be plenty of time later."

Jensen tried to push forward again and Cougar was firmer in his refusal. "No! Jensen, not until after you have changed. Es demasiado importante, mi amor. Significa demasiado para no ser la verdad. No puedas tomar la decisión ahora. Esperaremos hasta adelante. " (2) Cougar tilted Jensen's head as he pulled him forward again, pressing his lips against Jensen's forehead. He whispered, "Te quiero más que nada y estaré contigo." (3)

When Jensen just looked confused, Cougar said in English, "After, Jensen, after . . . I promise you."

Jensen bit his lip, eyes dropping away as he murmured, "What if there is no after? Cougar, you promised me . . . you promised that if I . . . I turned, you'd be the one. You promised you wouldn't let me hurt anyone!"

"You won't. I'll be with you no matter what. You won't hurt anyone." Cougar was at a loss to make Jensen understand just how deep his belief in and his love for him ran. "Jake, I know you. Believe me!"

"I – I savaged them, I ripped their throats out! How can you say that after what I did?"

"It's not the same, mi amor. You were protecting your pack, you were saving me. If you had had a gun and been untied, what would you have done? You would have shot them, killed them and you would not have had these doubts. You were strong, Jake, so strong. You forced the change away from the moon. You broke free of your restraints and you used your only weapons; strength, claws and teeth. I trust you."

Jensen took a deep breath and nodded, then leant closer and gave Cougar a gentle kiss. "I really hope you're right," he said softly. "I'm tired, so tired now."

Cougar shifted onto his back, pulling Jensen to lie beside him, held close, head resting over Cougar's heart. "Rest now, it will not be long before the moon rises and you should try to get some sleep."

Jensen settled in, his breathing deepening as he finally relaxed into much-needed sleep. An hour later the door cracked open a fraction and Clay stuck his head through the opening looking over at Cougar. "You okay?" he kept his voice low, not wanting to disturb Jensen.

"We are fine. He needs sleep before he changes."

"He's needed sleep since he got you all out. Pooch called, asked if we wanted him to drive up and join us. I said we'd be okay. Jensen wouldn't mind him spending the time with Jolene. He's going to be okay now?"

"He is. He used the only weapon he had available to him in that form to save his pack. It is not the same as killing and maiming for amusement."

Clay agreed, "That's a good way of looking at it. He accepted that?" When Cougar pulled a face, Clay snorted, "Of course, he didn't; it's Jensen we're talking about. Poor kid, this is eating him up inside. I guess if we get through this change, things will be a little easier for him again. You've done good with him, Cougs. I guess you both need some rest. No doubt you'll want to go with him when he changes . . . are you going to be okay doing that?"

"I will be fine."

"There's a radio by the door. For my peace of mind, please take it with you when you go tonight and . . . and go armed . . . he'd never want to hurt you. Please don't let him." Cougar gave him a pained look, but Clay could see the agreement in it, just as he saw the way Cougar pulled Jensen even closer to him. "I'll leave you to get some rest. See you in the morning."

* * *

Cougar had drifted to sleep in the quiet of the room, secure with the weight of Jensen in his arms. He felt Jensen begin to stir and was awake as soon as Jensen called his name, "Coug . . . Cougar!" When their eyes met, Cougar could see the sadness in Jensen's eyes as the younger man said, "I – I have to go now. I slept too long." The two of them stood up and began to get ready to leave.

Just before they left the room, Jensen turned to the drawers beside the bed and handed Cougar the gun again and a letter. "Just in case I – I'm not me."

Cougar nodded, knowing he couldn't deny Jensen the safeguard. He could see the tightly held back emotion in the way Jensen was biting his lip and he pulled the younger man close once more for a final hug, "Soon all will be well, mi amor." Jensen nodded against him, squeezing once more before turning and heading for the door without meeting his eyes.

Cougar followed without a word, picking up the radio as he passed it on the way out of the front door. As they moved away from the cabin, he sped up his pace enough to catch up with Jensen and silently took hold of his hand, letting Jensen decide where they would head.

They hadn't gone far before Jensen tugged Cougar with him off the path. He dropped Cougar's hand and turned away as he began to strip out of his clothes getting ready for the change. Once his clothes were off, he sat down drawing his knees up and hugging them to his chest, shivering in the chill air. Cougar sat down next to him, slipping his jacket off and throwing it over Jensen's shoulders knowing it would just fall away as Jensen changed.

"Coug . . . Carlos . . . I want you to know something . . . we both loved you."

Cougar pulled him close again and whispered, "No past tense, Jake, you both still do, I know this and I love you both."

* * *

The change was swift and the wolf was quiet as it investigated the area around the clearing in which they had been sitting. It headed away into the undergrowth and then back to Cougar in quick bursts. Cougar watched it fondly, admiring its grace and sleek figure, its perfectly groomed fur. It amused him to think of Jensen and his geeky t-shirts turning into the elegant wolf before him.

The wolf loped into the undergrowth and Cougar closed his eyes to listen as it rustled through the bushes. He was thankful; the wolf was calm and had shown no signs of violence. He still wasn't going to leave anything to chance, listening to make sure the wolf did not head back in the direction of the cabin without him. All of a sudden the wolf broke through the bushes back into the clearing and leapt across to land in front of him, tongue hanging out with an expression that Cougar couldn't help but think of as a grin. The wolf bent its front down to the ground in a bow then sprang forward and gave Cougar's face a lick before dropping back to sit beside him, letting his head rest on Cougar's knees, eyes watching the sniper.

"So we're okay then, mi amor," Cougar smiled as he ruffled the fur on the back of Jensen's head, before leaning in to hug the wolf. As he sat back, the wolf drew back and seemed to almost dance around him.

Cougar laughed and began to pick up Jensen's discarded clothes before starting to follow as the wolf led the way from the clearing back to the cabin. The sound of a vehicle pulling up to the cabin had Cougar reaching to grab hold of the wolf and keep him hidden. With the wolf secure at his side, he brought the radio up and said, "Clay! Clay! Vehicle approaching the cabin! Clay!"

The response was instantaneous, "On it! Are you and Jensen secure?"

"Yes boss." Silence fell, Cougar tightening his grip on the wolf when he started to edge forward again.

* * *

They only had to wait a few minutes before Clay was back on the radio giving the all clear and telling Cougar to come back to the cabin and to bring Jensen if he could. When they got there, Cougar recognized the car as Pooch's and it seemed so did the wolf as he gave an excited yip and barrelled towards the door enthusiastically.

Jensen's wolf seemed pleased to see the rest of the team, bouncing between them all, lavishing them all with licks and yips and much sniffing and nose rubbing. The relaxed behavior of the wolf seemed to drain the tension from the rest of the team and they were all soon laughing at his antics.

The past few weeks of near-insomnia soon took their toll on the wolf. He tired quickly and was the first to head back to the bedrooms, nosing open the door to his and Cougar's room and settling himself down on the floor beside Cougar's bed and relaxing as if to sleep. Cougar followed moments later. He laughed affectionately at the wolf collapsed beside his bed. Gently he nudged the wolf with his foot in an attempt to get it to move enough so he could actually reach the bed. "Jensen!" he said firmly. "Jensen, move your ass!"

The wolf snuffled and seemed to settle even deeper into his relaxed position.

"Asshole!" Cougar laughed, before managing to maneuver around the wolf and climb into the bed. He settled down on his side, watching the wolf's chest expand and contract with each breath. He let one hand hang over the side of the bed, fingers sifting through the wolf's fur.

* * *

Cougar was only vaguely awake when Jensen woke up and padded out of the room; he cracked one eye open just enough to know that the wolf was fine and was just heading out for his usual jaunt through the woods. He fell asleep again soon after, although he remained alert enough to waken when the wolf returned.

* * *

Jensen ranged freely through the woodland surrounding the cabin, feeling at ease in his wolf form for once. He caught a scent on the air and changed direction, sniffing it out and moving almost silently through the undergrowth in pursuit. He relished the freedom, racing over the more open ground of the path before he caught sight of his prey. He stopped, cocking his head to one side as he observed the opossum in front of him. He watched as it snuffled around looking for food, contemplating what to do next.

Jensen shook himself and then turned away, having decided that he wasn't going to catch the smaller creature. He moved away until he found some clearer ground and then stretched himself out before setting off to run at a comfortable lope, back to just enjoying the freedom. Hunger tweaked at his consciousness, a continual irritant that he did his best to ignore. If he didn't hunt, didn't catch and kill anything then he couldn't turn. The less he ate, the more in control he could be, he wouldn't become the savage beast he was afraid of. The wolf in Jensen could not ignore the human fears, equally aware of the evil ferocity of his maker and his own feelings of powerlessness if that savagery engulfed him. He didn't want to become a mindless ravening beast any more than the human Jensen did, but he didn't know how to deal with the hunger and exhaustion in his body and found it harder to ignore.

He didn't stay out as long as he usually did, the tiredness soon catching up with him again and prompting him to head back to the cabin. He made his way back in quietly, moving through the cabin to check on its occupants before heading back to Cougar.

Cougar barely cracked his eyes open when the wolf returned at first, expecting Jensen to quickly sniff around the room in his usual fashion before settling down next to his bed and going to sleep, but Jensen didn't settle. The wolf seemed agitated and paced back and forth, cocking his head at Cougar as if pleading for something, emitting a slight whimper.

Awkwardly, Cougar pushed himself up to a sitting position, taking care not to aggravate his still healing injuries. The wolf seemed to realize how difficult it was for him to move and appeared upset by it, coming to Cougar's side with a whimper, lying down for a moment then standing up and moving away again. Cougar called the wolf to his side, checking him over for injuries and feeling the tense vibrations coursing through his body. Finding nothing, he stood slowly, resting a hand against the wall until he had his balance and then walking with the wolf out to the living area.

The wolf padded to the fridge and back and then repeated the journey another few times, with a desperate whine. Cougar heard the door to Clay's room swing open and the Colonel came out behind him. "Everything okay, Coug?"

"Not sure, Jensen's agitated," Cougar replied as he moved closer to the fridge, watching as Jensen suddenly dropped to the floor submissively. It wasn't something he'd done often since those early days, when he'd been trying to convince Clay that he wasn't a threat. Certain situations seemed to make him behave this way, but it had become increasingly infrequent as they'd learned to meet the wolf's needs better.

Clay bent down next to the wolf, reaching his hand out to try and soothe his anxiety. Jensen whimpered again and when Clay encouraged him to stand up, Jensen struggled to get to his feet, almost losing his balance and going down again. "Shit!" Clay reached out to try and steady him. "Okay, son, okay. We've got you, just sit down again, we'll figure it out!"

Jensen's head turned in the direction of the fridge with another plaintive whine. "Food!" Clay suddenly realized, "Shit! Jensen hasn't been eating right for weeks. He's probably starving and with the change he must have burned up what little energy he did have."

Cougar had already opened the door and was shifting food to one side to reach the steaks they'd brought with them. He lifted out the bag with the steaks in it and started to open it, wondering if it was safe to give the wolf them all at once. Instead he got out the two largest, chopped them in half, holding the pieces out one at a time for Jensen who devoured them ravenously. He chopped a third up and Jensen ate it more slowly, as if the dire need was passing and being replaced with a more normal hunger. He staggered to his feet again, still not quite steady. "Leave it at that for now," Clay advised, "When he wakes up, we'll give him the rest and then we'll head down to town for more supplies. Get him some really good cuts, try and build up his immunity or whatever while we can get him to eat. Then when he's back in human form, we can keep on him to eat. Can't let him do this to himself."

Jensen seemed calmer once he'd eaten and was content to be led back to the bedroom where he settled down next to Cougar's bed ready to sleep. Clay stood in the doorway watching him settle as Cougar sat on the edge of the bed. "That seems to have fixed the problem for now," Clay smirked. "We'll make sure he gets plenty to eat over the next couple of days before he has to face the change back."

Cougar nodded, running his hand over the wolf's back affectionately for a moment. "Sorry, we woke you," he said quietly.

"Not a problem. You've done plenty for him. Don't mind trying to help figure it out."

"He has done more."

"Coug – don't think like that. He made a choice, the best choice available to save you _all_. He will come to terms with it."

Cougar sighed, "He's doing all he can. I think he's afraid to hunt for food in this form now."

"Jensen _will_ come to terms with it. He has to," Clay asserted. "We won't allow him not to!" With a sigh, Cougar nodded his agreement. Clay added, "You need to get some more sleep as well." With a final nod, he backed out of the room, pulling the door almost closed before heading back to his own bed.

* * *

Over the next couple of days, it became clear that Jensen's wolf was unwilling to hunt for food, but unlike when he was in human form, he was either reluctant or unable to ignore his hunger altogether. The team were more than willing to take the opportunity to feed him well with the best cuts of meat they could lay their hands on; all of them too aware of how little Jensen had been eating before the change.

The wolf stayed fastidiously clean as if concerned that any sign of dirt or lack of grooming might be a signal of impending madness. He stuck close to the rest of the team, never wandering far from the cabin even at night. Cougar was aware of how much less time he was away on his wanderings, but apart from offering reassurances on his return that all was well, he said nothing of his concerns that this was another sign of Jensen's anxieties. Time, Clay had said, would be enough to heal the damage done. Cougar silently prayed that he was right.

* * *

The wolf whined and tugged at Cougar's blanket trying to wake him. At the first sign of wakefulness, the wolf moved away and returned a moment or two later to drop Cougar's jeans on his head before letting out another whine. It served the intended purpose and Cougar pulled his jeans on as quickly as he could, hurriedly pushing his feet into his boots as he grabbed the t-shirt he'd worn earlier. He was still yawning and rubbing sleep from his eyes as he picked up Jensen's clothes and a blanket and moving stiffly, he followed the wolf out into the night. He flopped to the ground and waited for Jensen to settle down beside him as he said, "You know, one of these days, we're going to stay in the cabin for the change. I heard that you did it last time." The wolf hung his head as if ashamed and Cougar instantly regretted his words, reaching out to wrap his arm around the wolf's shoulder and pull him closer. "I'm sorry . . . I did not mean that to sound so harsh. I would follow you anywhere for this . . . for nothing but your company . . . so I am sorry for saying that, I had no right."

The shift was quick now, and Cougar threw the blanket over Jensen to keep him warm in the moments after the change. There was no real wait this time, and Jensen was almost immediately pulling his own clothes closer and trying to tug them on as he shivered in the cool mountain air, not looking at Cougar until he was dressed. He looked exhausted when he finally made eye-contact and Cougar wondered if the few moments' rest he normally allowed himself would have made any difference.

Jensen silently held a hand out to pull Cougar up from the ground. Cougar accepted the hand and gripped Jensen's hand tight when he started to pull away once Cougar was standing. Jensen jerked his hand in surprise but Cougar maintained his grip. Jensen let out a slow breath and then began to walk back through the trees towards the cabin. Cougar followed along for a minute or two without resistance, before coming to a decision and stopping so that Jensen had to turn to face him.

"I'm glad to have you back." Cougar gave a sudden yank on Jensen's hand, catching the younger man by surprise, so he stumbled closer. Cougar let his other hand rise swiftly to the back of Jensen's head, pulling him in for a kiss. "Unfinished business," he murmured when he finally drew back. "I promised you after . . . I keep my promises."

"Oh!" Jensen seemed surprised, even more so when Cougar pulled him in again for another slow kiss. "Ummm!" He shivered and this time it was Cougar who turned back to the cabin determined to get Jensen back there and warmed up immediately.

As they approached the door, Cougar asked, "¿Tienes hambre?" (4) Catching Jensen's distracted 'Huh?', he repeated his question in English, "You hungry?"

Jensen seemed as if he needed to think about it, so with a shake of his head, Cougar told him that he had prepared food that would help Jensen warm up when they got back. It seemed enough for the younger man who nodded, before yawning and apologizing.

Cougar pulled him straight through the cabin to the kitchen, pushing Jensen into a chair at the table, where he slumped forward with his head in his hands as Cougar began to move things around, getting something ready to eat. Jensen's eyes were heavy and he looked as if he wanted nothing more than to sleep for a week, but at the back of Cougar's mind was the thought of what would happen if Jensen always insisted on fighting this existence. Was that what now ate up all his energy and left him so exhausted?

He put a dish of stew in front of Jensen and watched as the younger man picked up his spoon and stirred at its contents. "Eat, Jensen," Cougar said softly.

Jensen looked up at him, nodded and lifted the spoon to his mouth. He ate without seeming to taste anything for a few mouthfuls, then looked up at Cougar and said blandly, "Thanks, it tastes good."

Cougar shook his head, "Tell the truth, Jake." Jensen looked guilty and stirred his spoon round and round. Cougar pulled out the chair next to Jensen and sat down. He laid a hand on Jensen's shoulder, pulling the younger man a little closer and pressing a kiss to his temple. "Eat a little more, enough to warm you up at least."

"I . . . I . . ." Jensen fell silent, shivering again. He looked at Cougar and saw the soft look of concern, the tilt of his head toward the plate and so he began to eat again.

He made it through about half the bowl before pushing it away. As he did so, Cougar pulled him close again for another hug before pulling him up and leading the way back to their bedroom. Jensen stood docilely as Cougar stripped his own outer clothes off, then moved to pull Jensen's thick sweatshirt off before bending to undo his bootlaces. Pushing Jensen to sit on his bed, he pulled off Jensen's boots, noting as the younger man shivered again. He didn't bother trying to take any more of Jensen's clothes off, just guided him to lie down and then lay down behind him, curling around him as he pulled the covers over them both and hoped that soon Jensen would be warm and able to relax. He held him close, absorbing the shivers and whispering reassurances until he felt the tension leave Jensen's body as he relaxed and his breathing evened out.

* * *

The two of them slept through the night, Cougar waking first as Jensen shifted in his sleep, nearer and nearer to waking. Jensen's eyes fluttered open slowly, his mind aware first of warmth at his back, of safety and being held and then of gentle kisses on the back of his neck, of thumbs gently stroking over his fingers where they were entwined with someone else's. He shifted again, turning his head, surprised when the next kiss landed on his cheek and was followed by a softly whispered, "Buenos días, mi amor. ¿Cómo se siente?" (5)

It was Cougar, which Jensen knew shouldn't have surprised him. He let out a breath and then twisted around to face the other man. They lay in silence for a few moments until Jensen nodded and whispered back, "I'm . . . I'm okay, fine, I guess." There was another pause, then he said, "I – I didn't turn."

"You didn't," Cougar confirmed, fingers brushing down Jensen's jawline softly. "I told you so. You should believe me!" He smiled. Jensen returned the smile hesitantly and Cougar leaned forward to kiss him properly. When Jensen finally reciprocated, he coaxed more and more from him before gently rolling them both over so Jensen was on his back and Cougar lay between his legs.

As the kiss grew more fervent, he slid his hands up beneath Jensen's t-shirt, his eyes watching intently for any sign of reservation. He found none.

* * *

They woke again later, Jensen wrapped in Cougar's arms, although this time curled in towards him with his head resting on Cougar's chest. "We should get up before the others come looking for us," Cougar murmured softly. Jensen nodded, tilting his head to press a kiss over Cougar's heart before shifting to stand and pull his clothes on.

He grabbed his washbag and headed for the bathroom first, delaying having to see the rest of the team for a few minutes longer at least. Cougar was still waiting for him when he returned and as he shut the door behind him, he found himself crowded against the wall as the sniper lifted his hands to Jensen's cheeks so they were looking at each other. "Okay?" Cougar asked and Jensen found himself breathing out in relief and leaning down to kiss Cougar, wanting to be the initiator, wanting to prove that yes he really did want this too.

He dropped his washbag and pulled Cougar closer, wrapping his arms tight around his lover and kissing him again forcefully, determinedly before easing back and then burying his nose into the crook of Cougar's neck and breathing in a few deep breaths. "I want this . . . I want you so much, Coug . . . please."

Cougar smiled, his expression satisfied as he murmured back, "Yo soy tuyo." (6)

"Me too," Jensen said. "I know this is bad, I know we shouldn't, but God! Coug, I just . . . I need to be yours."

"Ssssh," Cougar soothed. "We'll be okay. We'll do what we have to, take some leave and then we'll work it out . . . together, I promise." Jensen nodded before straightening up and seeming to make a conscious effort to pull himself together. "You pack your stuff while I go wash, then we'll be ready to face the others together." He saw a flash of anxiety in Jensen's eyes and clarified, "No, just you don't have to go out there alone. I will be with you. We'll say nothing about this to anyone for now." He saw the relief in Jensen's expression and patted his hand over the younger man's heart with a smile, before turning to pick up his things and leave the room.

Breakfast was fine, Cougar stayed close to Jensen but the rest of the team didn't comment on it, used to Cougar's protective streak. They didn't comment, but were all pleased to see Jensen eat a reasonable serving of the bacon, eggs and hash browns that Clay had served up.

With the cabin cleared and the two vehicles packed, they were on the road back to base by ten.

* * *

**Spanish to English Translation**

(1) Calm down.

(2) This is too important, my love. It means too much for it not to be true. You can't make that decision now. We will wait until after.

(3) I love you more than anything and I will be with you.

(4) Are you hungry?

(5) Good morning, my love. How are you feeling?

(6) I am yours.


	8. A Difficult Choice

**Chapter 8 – A Difficult Choice**

_"Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love, is by far, the truest type of love." (unknown)_

* * *

Life went on. The team were pushed to their limits by Command, difficult assignments in brutal climates and over rough terrain. There was little rest between missions and few opportunities for leave. The world was an evil place or so it began to seem. Over time, the rest of the team worked out that Jensen and Cougar had moved beyond just friendship, but as hard-pressed as they were by their missions and with the added burden of Jensen's monthly transformation, the deepened relationship was accepted. It was clear to those who knew them that they needed each other.

Cougar needed to feel that he could protect someone, needed to have someone to show without words, just how much he cared, how human he really was. Jensen needed someone to look out for him, someone who could accept him for who he was, for all of his flaws, and, as Roque was quick to point out, it wasn't like turning into a wolf was the worst of Jensen's flaws.

They had Jensen back and that was the most important thing. The hacker would laugh and joke and talk nonstop about all kinds of random shit and the team felt like they could breathe again, like life could continue.

Clay had once said that Jensen was the one who made them all feel human, helped them to stay grounded and in touch with what it meant to have a life that didn't revolve purely around violence, and it was true.

One year passed and stretched into two. The team had beat the odds to still be together and intact after so long. Clay refused to loan out any of his team, knowing that once one was allowed to go, then the brass would begin to want them all and he couldn't risk the team being split up or Jensen being moved to another unit. It meant they were under even more pressure to be continually on the move. Clay felt sorry for Pooch and Jolene as they struggled to get time together between missions, and in the end spoke with Pooch to see if he wanted to leave them. It was a relief when he said no.

The two year mark passed with the team still intact and relatively uninjured, but life was not to continue to be so kind for long. Eastern Europe . . . Clay had come to hate the Eastern European countries; they'd all clumped together in his mind to make a mess of bad memories and resentment. He didn't think there'd been a single mission that had gone well in their cold climes and rugged mountain passes. Injuries had always abounded and that was before the fucking mess with Jensen. Since then he'd refused to go there whenever he could and, when he couldn't, the negative trend had persisted, with the best he could hope for being a 'bad' outcome for the mission and the norm being FUBAR. So it was with no degree of optimism that he briefed the team on their latest mission.

He didn't fail to see the way Jensen paled or the way Cougar moved closer, a hand drifting out to reassure the tech. He saw Pooch's gritted teeth and Roque's sour expression. It changed nothing: they were the army's bitches, here to do its bidding, and god forbid that they should be allowed an opinion or feeling on the matter.

* * *

It was fucking winter and they were having to practically dig their way through snowdrifts to reach the target site. Clay muttered imprecations of death to his commanding officers and the fucking Commander in Chief to boot. Not like any of the Powers That Be would set foot in anything like this. His team were too fucking good that was the problem now. So good at what they did that the army had no qualms about sending them into anything; pick any impossible mission and it was pretty much guaranteed that it would land on Clay's desk. Goddammit, they needed to fuck up more often!

Jensen was quiet, but not silent, random trivia about just how many words the Inuit had for snow and urban legends saying that it was a ridiculously high number but that really it was just a matter of language construction and of root words and compound words and how while they themselves might talk about snow falling or snow on the ground as two things, some of the Inuit tribes had compound words to describe things further so it was like saying hardpacked snow on the ground or thick and heavy falling snow.

His conversation went off on yet another tangent about the use of the terms Inuit and Eskimo and what groups they each referred to and how one was a valid and important term in Canada and Greenland while the other was used in Alaska. He rambled on quietly about how each group of people would consider it insulting to be referred to by the other's name.

It was reassuring and familiar and yet again, it was something that brought them all down to the here and now and kept them from focussing solely on all that could go wrong when they finally reached their destination. The good news for this mission was that they already had an exit strategy; air support to lift them out so they didn't need to trek back through the miles of wilderness that they'd had to overcome to get here. They'd only have to cover about twenty miles or so to the rendezvous point once they had spent the night post-objective camped in a cave they'd already located and set up; it was doable, Clay kept reminding himself.

There was a sudden howl in the distance and the whole team froze. A wolf. There was no answering cry, nothing, but the whole team were chilled to the core by the sound, by the onslaught of memories. Jensen's eyes were closed and he looked nauseous, but he was the one to break the silence nonetheless. "There's nothing to say it's anything more than a normal wolf, you know." He started to move forward again and when Cougar stepped up alongside him and took his hand, no one said anything. They all trudged onward.

* * *

The occasional howl continued in the distance, never getting closer, not really changing at all as far as the team could tell. As dusk began to settle into night, Jensen suddenly dropped Cougar's hand and turned to Clay, his face a blank mask as he said, "Do you want me to change?"

"No," Clay said simply. "I don't." The relief was clear in Jensen's eyes as he turned around again and trudged onward. They didn't have far left to go now, maybe another hour and a half of walking to reach their destination.

"Time travel would be good round about now," Jensen suddenly announced. "You know skip forward to the end of the trudging endlessly through the snow without the hypothermia bit in the middle!"

"Yeah, it would," Roque agreed. "I'll be sure to mention it to R&D when we get back!"

"You know how people think that it was only writers like HG Wells who thought of the idea of time travel, the whole Time Machine thing, but really the concept of time travel is way older. There are Hindu myths that go back to before Roman times and everything where this guy travels to Heaven and when he comes back he finds that ages and generations have passed on Earth while he was gone and there's a Japanese one where a fisherman goes to an underwater palace and he thinks that three days have passed but when he gets back he finds, three hundred years have gone by. That must have sucked!"

"Where do you get this shit from? You research it all just to screw with us when we're stuck out in the middle of nowhere or something?" Roque asked irritated.

"No, not really . . . just . . . now you're thinking about how I'm a screwball instead of about how your toes have got frostbite and this job sucks and there's a wolf out there howling and none of us can be sure it isn't another werewolf like the last one and even if it's not, if it's a normal wolf what the fuck are we going to do and is it going to eat us and will Jensen be able to change quick enough and is he strong enough to actually keep us safe and what if there's more than one fucking wolf!" Jensen's voice grew more and more panicked until Clay stopped him.

"Enough Jensen, we've got your back same as you have ours. If it's one wolf or a pack of wolves, the plan is the same, we stick together and we take them out however we can. We're all getting out of this alive and in one piece." His face was as stubbornly set as his words were determined and Jensen nodded before turning back to keep walking, quiet again.

* * *

It was a wholesale shitfest and if, when - Clay mentally amended - they got back to the U.S., he was going to make sure that somebody somewhere paid for this. The first problem was clear on the approach to the compound they were supposed to be infiltrating; there were way too many guards. Jensen freaked at the sight of a double rotation of guards, gabbling promises that there'd been nothing in the intel, nothing when he'd hacked into their systems that would in any way suggest the extra manpower that they were seeing.

Clay thought it was ironic that it would never have crossed his mind that it could be Jensen's fault. This far down the line with his team and the one thing he always knew he could rely on was Jensen's ability to find good intel. Whatever was going on had either been stepped up since they headed out for the site or wasn't listed in the compound's computer systems for Jensen to access in the first place.

It wasn't like this was the first time they'd had to change plans on the fly. Clay split the team up, sending each of them to a different vantage point to observe guard movements and to see if they could observe any other useful information. A little over an hour later they reconvened and Clay outlined the new plan based on the new intel they had gathered.

Thankfully, they made it into the compound without too much difficulty. Once inside, they split up heading for the different objectives they'd been sent to achieve. It was hard going, too many people to avoid, the compound being laid out differently to the way their original intel had said. It meant they were continually revising the plan over the comms. The computer banks weren't where they were supposed to be, so Jensen and Cougar had to search through half a building before finally locating them. The supposed two sets of offices that Clay, Roque and Pooch had headed for were actually sleeping quarters. 'Shitfest' didn't begin to cover this fiasco.

Clay wasn't going to be happy until they were on the chopper out of here, no matter how many obstacles they overcame. And then . . . and then came the real bad news.

"Shiiiiit!" It was Jensen's voice and they were all instantly alert. "We . . . we have a problem, sir."

"Spit it out!" Clay dreaded to think what Jensen was calling a problem after everything else that had gone wrong.

"There is no intel, there's nothing, these computers are clean. There is nothing on them but a bunch of Microsoft software and what looks like kids stuff!" Clay couldn't believe what he was hearing. It didn't make any sense.

"Here. Look," Cougar's voice was quiet but Clay could hear as Jensen responded moving to look at whatever Cougar had pointed out to him. Cougar explained as Jensen was clearly taken up with whatever Cougar had found, "Another room, hidden, sealed. We're in now though, more computers. Jensen is working on them."

"Okay, keep me informed." It wasn't good, it wasn't good at all.

The comms were quiet as they worked, occasional words to reassure the rest of the team that they were each still there the only break in the silence. Pooch, Clay and Roque had achieved their objective and were making their way back towards the internal rendezvous point, but there was still no indication that Jensen would be finished any time soon.

"Report," Clay said quietly.

"Not straightforward. I'm doing what I can," was the only reply they got from Jensen. Cougar just added that he was keeping watch. And there was no one around at the moment. With an agreement, that they would find somewhere to hole up until the others were ready to leave, the comms fell silent again.

About twenty minutes passed before, Jensen and Cougar broke the silence. "It's not looking good, boss. I've got what I can and . . . they're in contact with someone on our side. They knew we would be coming, just not when. These aren't the machines I hacked earlier so there's got to be another set hidden somewhere. I've downloaded what I can but . . . Cougs had to take a couple of guys out; if we hang around here much longer someone's going to realize we're here now and we're not going to be getting out at all."

"Pack it up and move out then. We'll meet you like we said." Clay was more than willing to get out. If Jensen was right and someone was feeding intel into the compound, they were way more vulnerable than they'd bargained for and they'd already taken too many risks as it was.

* * *

There was a sudden shout from behind Roque. Roque glanced backward to see a guard raising a gun. He was more accurate and although the guy got a shot off, it was Roque's that killed the intended target. "Fuck, we've been made," he said. "Move!"

The three Losers came tearing round the corner to the rendezvous point where Jensen and Cougar were both alert and ready to move out having heard the gunfire. "That way!" Cougar indicated pushing Pooch and Jensen to move ahead of him and watching until Clay and Roque had passed before picking up the rear.

They dashed headlong through the compound's corridors, desperate to find an exit. The time for subtlety was long past as the sound of gunfire echoed around them. Now they were just trying to stay alive, long enough to get out of the compound, out into the snowy wilderness beyond and hope that then they could make it to the airlift point and start figuring out how the whole mission had got so screwed up. There was no time to consider anything now but survival.

"Ooomph!" The sudden sound from behind him had Roque stuttering to a halt, turning to see Cougar grasping at his shoulder, struggling to lift his gun high enough to fire back at the guards behind him. Roque fired off a quick volley, taking out the current pursuers before grabbing Cougar and getting him moving again. He'd seen the spreading blood on the front of Cougar's jacket but there was no time to stop and check, their only hope lay in escape and if Cougar was on his feet then Roque was going to push him out ahead of him if that's what it took to get them away.

None of them were really expecting to make it out, so when Jensen finally pushed through a door and saw the snowy expanse of a side courtyard in front of him, it was a shock. The others barrelled out after him, thankful that for the moment there were no pursuers behind them. Roque and Clay had finished off the last set that had come close, and while they could still hear the search going on inside, no one else had yet caught up with them.

Keeping close to the wall, they edged their way round the building, until Pooch saw a gate leading out of the compound. A quick dash across the open expanse, each taking their turn to cover their team mates and they were at the gate, with Pooch jimmying the lock. Roque took the chance in the brief moment's wait to look Cougar over, but the sniper pushed him away with the admonition, "Flesh wound. 'S fine."

Roque wasn't sure he believed him, but in truth there wasn't going to be anything he could do out here if the wound was more serious and he'd seen Cougar's anxious glance in Jensen's direction and the warning frown Cougar had given Roque afterward. The best he could do was stick close and keep the sniper going as long as he could. With luck the cold would slow down any blood loss until they could get somewhere safe.

Once the gate was open, they headed down into the woods, leaving the compound behind them, making good time despite the snow. So far it seemed the search for them had not extended beyond the compound giving them a brief respite.

* * *

They'd been trekking through the woods for an hour, the going was hard with the snow coming down in a blizzard now, obscuring landmarks and making progress even slower as they struggled to stay together and be sure they were heading in the right direction.

The path they were breaking for themselves was treacherous, with icy patches on the edges of steep drops and uneven ground beneath the snow. Roque had forced Cougar forward, taking his place bringing up the rear, keeping a close guard on the silent sniper. He'd seen him grimace and wince a few times as he'd moved, had reached out as he'd stumbled and made sure he stayed on his feet. Neither said a thing about it, just soldiered on through the abysmal conditions.

The good thing about the continual fall of snow was that it was quickly covering their tracks helping to conceal their passage from their pursuers. They'd heard nothing behind them in almost ten minutes when Jensen said, "Stop here. I – I'll be back in a minute."

"What?"

Jensen looked at his team-mates and said, "I'll change. The wolf will find it easier to lead you through the snow than any of us can and . . . I can't explain it, but . . . he – he'll be able to guide you and he'll know where to go. We'll make better time. We've got a few minutes; there's been no one behind us in a while so I guess it's gonna be now or never. We don't know how long before they catch up to us, they know the terrain better than we do and the wolf is better at hearing if someone's coming up behind us. Trust me."

Clay nodded and Cougar stepped forward, "I'll come with you."

Jensen shook his head, "I've got it – just – just someone pick up my clothes afterwards, please, huh?"

Cougar was insistent, "I'll come with you!"

"No!" Jensen was insistent, "Get Roque to – to tape that before you bleed out or something." Cougar could hear the tightly controlled concern in his voice and nodded, accepting that he needed to do what Jensen said for Jensen's sake.

Clay stepped in, "I'll come with you. Stand guard and make sure nothing happens in the mean time until you're ready to move on. Pooch can keep guard here while Roque patches up Cougar." Jensen seemed to pause for a moment before dropping his pack and stepping into the undergrowth not stopping or looking back, but not refusing Clay's demand either.

They didn't go far before Jensen stopped and began to shed his clothes. "Fuck! It's cold!" He complained. "Ugh!" He struggled out of his boots. "Fucking last time I ever go anywhere where there's snow. Never, are you listening to me, Clay? No more fucking snow!"

"Heard you. I'd second the objection if I thought the Army would take any fucking notice. You sure you're gonna be okay with this? I know you can do it away from the moon, but it wasn't easy last time, was it?"

"I'll be fine. It's pretty much our best chance of getting out of here though, so I guess the rest is irrelevant," his tone was off-hand as if what he was talking about was no more interesting than what flavour of MRE was left in his pack.

"Jensen," Clay growled. "It matters. None of us want you to have to do this; none of us think you should have to do it. We'll keep going the way we were rather than risk you . . ."

"No! Cougar needs more than a fucking field dressing. You all need . . . I need not to be traipsing blindly through a blizzard trying to make my way down a mountain pass and here you go, I've got a partial answer. This is everybody's best chance of getting out of here alive, me included. I hate the fact that I turn into a wolf once a month. I wish that all of our lives weren't so fucked up because of it, but for once I can do something good because of it." Jensen's hands fell to his boxers. "Turn around. Seriously I don't need to be flashing my CO right now."

Clay reached out to stop him before he could take them off, turning the younger man to face him. "This is not the only good thing to come out of it. You saved Pooch and Cougar before, that was a good thing. Our lives aren't fucked up because of this. Your wolf is part of you now, its safety and well-being is as important to this team as yours is, as is that of every other member of this team."

Jensen nodded and turned away. It was a matter of moments before Clay, who had averted his eyes for Jensen's sake, heard the distinctive sound of Jensen's body transforming. He looked back catching the end of the change and moved in to start picking up Jensen's clothes, knowing they didn't have the time to keep hanging around any longer than absolutely necessary. Jensen in his wolf form lifted himself up from the ground, his first steps unsteady. Clay put a hand out and the wolf crossed to nuzzle him, before leading the way back to the rest of the team.

* * *

They were making steady progress, Jensen leading them surely through the woods, sometimes skirting wide around areas after seeming to feel them out tentatively with his paws. They would have walked across them without his guidance and were now assuming that he was leading them away from some hidden danger that they couldn't identify.

Roque and Pooch were taking it in turns to stay at Cougar's side as the sniper seemed to be having more difficulty keeping up. Clay was carrying Jensen's pack, so Pooch and Roque passed Cougar's back and forth, one of them keeping a hand out to keep Cougar steady while the other carried the pack. Blood was showing through the dressing that Roque had applied and they knew they needed to get back to the shelter they'd made in the cave quickly if they were going to have any hope of taking care of Cougar.

They came to a halt behind the wolf when he suddenly sat down. The wolf looked at them all, seemingly satisfied and then stood up and began to move again. When they started to follow, he turned and growled, backing them up to where they'd been standing when he stopped the first time. Clay gave the order for the others to wait and when Jensen began to move again only Clay followed.

They'd gone no more than a few paces before Jensen turned and growled even more ferociously, backing Clay up to join the others. Once he'd got him there, the wolf dragged his paws across the snow seeming to draw a line. Then after another angry growl and a threatening stare, he turned and darted away crossing the snow swiftly.

The rest of the team waited anxiously. "What's he doing?" Roque demanded as if any of the others would have an answer that he didn't.

Cougar's voice was tired and weaker than they were used to, "He's trying to find us a safer way down." He panted and shuddered, breath ghosting in the air in front of him, as he leaned against Pooch for support.

It took almost ten minutes for the wolf to return and he headed straight through the team for Cougar as if needing to check on the sniper. Once assured that Cougar was still standing, he turned back to the line he'd made before and seemed to dance over it, scuffing it out before turning to look at his packmates. Clay and Pooch re-shouldered their packs along with Jensen's and Cougar's, while Roque adjusted his hold on Cougar and the four of them began to follow Jensen as he led the way slowly down the steep incline.

The men stayed as far away from the cliff edge as they could, thankful for Jensen's slow guidance down as he stopped at icy patches and led them round. Cougar was tiring and Roque found himself bearing more and more of the sniper's unsteady weight. The wolf stopped, pacing back and forth round a particular wide stretch of ice. He looked up at the impassable rise of the cliff beside them and across at the cliff below. There was no way to avoid the ice.

"Ice," Clay informed the men behind him. "No way but over it. Be careful." Jensen watched the men's interaction and stood waiting as if for some indication of what was expected next. Clay reached a hand out and stroked the wolf's head, saying softly, "Be careful, Jensen." With that the wolf cautiously began to move forward.

It was treacherous, the wolf's claws attempting to dig into the ice, but still he slipped. Regaining his balance, he looked back at Clay, the fear in his eyes clear and reflected in those of the men behind him as they too started over the sheet of ice.

Pooch was the next to slip, feet sliding out from under him as he slid forward, almost taking Clay. who had waited to let the others go first and provide what cover he could, down with him as his arms flailed trying to get his balance as he struggled frantically for purchase on the slippery surface. He stopped his own descent by throwing himself towards the cliff face, coming to rest with a final groan before taking a few deep breaths ahead of trying to regain his feet.

Clay was at the back and as he tried to help Pooch climb to his feet again, he heard the yell in front of him as Roque lost his balance and slid inexorably to the edge and over, dragging the barely standing Cougar with him. The wolf howled as the two men vanished over the cliff, body tensing as if to leap after them. "Jensen! No! No! Don't do that!"

The wolf howled desolately, the sound echoing out over the valley below them. Clay pulled at the wolf, getting him to turn and look at him, "We need you to lead us down to them. We'll find them, Jensen, I promise that we'll find them." He didn't like to consider what condition they'd be in when they got there.

* * *

Jensen seemed resigned to following Clay's orders. He'd positioned himself on the outside of the cliff's edge as he led the remaining two members of his team downward. He would stop every few minutes and let out another howl, as if to tell Cougar and Roque that they were on the way to them. They were almost at the bottom when Jensen led them over to the edge, turning back to head in the direction of where Roque and Cougar should have fallen.

Clay had lost track of time before they found them, relieved to see that Roque was sitting up, with Cougar propped against his chest, positioned between his legs as Roque murmured imprecations and threats into his ear.

Jensen bounded over the space, throwing himself to the floor at Cougar's side and trying to burrow his nose in closer to the sniper's chest. Pooch hurried over to pull the wolf back, saw the desperation in his eyes as he tried to reassure Jensen and keep him back so he didn't hurt Cougar any further. The sniper hadn't moved at all.

"Roque, report!" Clay said.

"Cougar's out of it, not conscious and shit, he's freaking hypothermic, barely breathing and I don't know. . . "

Clay interrupted, "And you?"

"Surviving. Bruises, scrapes for the most part."

"And the rest?"

"I can keep going." Clay sighed, knowing it was no response to the question, but the only one they could deal with. He looked round for Pooch and saw the other man already lashing fallen branches together to make a travois with the wolf at his side.

He moved over to help, pulling supplies from the pack so they could secure it to the travois as a base to lay Cougar on. They worked quickly together, before transferring Cougar on to the makeshift stretcher. Clay took first turn between the poles and Pooch moved over to pull Roque to his feet. Jensen was ready and waiting to lead them on as soon as they were ready.

* * *

It took them another three quarters of an hour to reach the cave and thankfully they had no more bad luck on the way. Jensen had led them as directly as he could to the cave, stopping them once or twice as he explored the area to find the safest route through. Clay was thankful that the younger man had changed, relieved that he had suggested it and then insisted on it as Clay knew he could never have asked Jensen to make the sacrifice.

He strongly suspected they'd all have fallen without the wolf's guidance and also that they wouldn't have found Roque and Cougar in the time they had. He dragged the travois into the cave, setting it down near where they had already stacked wood for a fire. Turning back, he saw Pooch struggle through the cave entrance with Roque and moved over to help him lower the injured man to the ground. They were all exhausted but there was no time to rest yet. With Roque settled down safely, Pooch stood up and stretched, trying to crack out the stiffness in his back, before moving to the woodpile and trying to get a fire lit.

Clay watched as Jensen paced back and forth a few times between Cougar and Roque before heading back outside. He unpacked the younger man's clothes, ready to head out after him. "I'll go give these to Jensen, the less time he's out there without them the better!"

As he reached the outside he saw Jensen edge further along the cliff face, searching for some cover and he called out to him, just loud enough to be heard. "Hang on, Jensen, I'll come with you." The wolf looked back at him and paused. As he caught up and drew his gun, the wolf padded behind a fallen tree.

There was the sickening sound of the change and moments later, Jensen's voice could be heard, "You have my clothes then? 'cause I got to tell you, I don't want frostbite on my nether regions!" Clay snorted a half laugh as he walked round the tree, Jensen's clothes held out in front of him. Jensen pulled on his clothes, complaining non-stop about the cold and the snow.

They made it back to the cave quickly, relieved to see the fire roaring and already beginning to fill the cave with warmth. Roque had shed his jacket and had a small first aid kit out, cleaning up a series of deep gashes on one leg. Pooch was leaning over Cougar gently trying to ease the sniper's jacket off. Jensen hurried over to help, while Clay headed over to Roque.

Pooch had already spread out one sleeping bag on the ground and laid Cougar on top as close to the fire as possible, covering him with another two sleeping bags. Jensen laid himself down on the ground, wriggling under the sleeping bags before pulling Cougar close trying to share body heat and warm the sniper. Pooch continued to work on Cougar steadily, cleaning up the worst of the exposed wounds. It took time before he managed to dig out the bullet before stitching and strapping the wound. When Clay joined them some time later, Pooch was under the sleeping bags on the other side of Cougar with a concerned look on his face. Warily Clay asked, "How is he?"

"Still unconscious," Pooch answered. "I got the bullet out. His arm's broken, so I've secured it as much as I can with him like this. There's a bunch of other stuff that needs cleaning and I think he might have broken his leg as well. He's taken one hell of a knock to the head and we can't get him to wake up or warmed up. He's fucking freezin', man, even with both of us and the fire!" As Pooch was talking, Jensen was staring intently at Cougar, his whole bearing showing his anxiety.

"How's Roque?" Pooch asked.

"He'll be fine as soon as we can get out of here. Busted ankle, I've popped his shoulder back in, the cuts and grazes have cleaned up fine and he's had a blow to the head as well, but he's conscious and lucid and his pupils check out fine, so we're probably okay. Jensen – Jensen!" Clay had to say his name twice before Jensen looked round at him in surprise. "You with me, soldier?" Jensen gave a short nod and then looked round blankly as if not sure what he was supposed to be doing. Pooch shrugged at Clay before saying he'd get them all something to eat and sliding out from the sleeping bags he moved across to rummage through their packs for the MREs inside.

Clay nodded taking his place and then turning his full attention to Jensen. The hacker was staring at Cougar again, gnawing at his lower lip. "Jensen, I need you to try and contact command, get our lift out moved up if possible, and see if they can move the rendezvous closer to our position so we don't have to go so far to meet them."

Jensen nodded, moving from the other side of Cougar over to his pack and Clay checked Cougar over quickly for himself. He was concerned by the fact that the sniper hadn't regained consciousness, worried by the fact that he didn't seem to be warming up, despite the fact they'd got him out of his wet clothes and wrapped in blankets as near to the fire as was safe. It wasn't looking good. "Come on, Cougs," he murmured, "Need you to wake up before Jensen completely loses it. You know you're the one who keeps him grounded."

He stayed there, listening to the murmur of Pooch and Roque's voices behind him and wondering how long it would take Jensen to get the response they needed. The younger man had had to get back into his all weather gear and head outside again, in search of a strong enough signal for an actual conversation to take place.

Clay looked up as Pooch said the first of the MREs was ready then indicated that he should give it to Roque before he went to get Jensen. Pooch pulled on his jacket and stepped to the entrance, looking round for Jensen. The younger man was already heading back towards him, head down against the wind.

Jensen stripped off his wet gear and moved closer to the fire, this time not looking at Cougar or Clay at all. He rubbed his hands briskly and shivered violently. He glanced up at Pooch as an MRE was placed under his nose. "Oh! Thanks," he said, taking hold of it and beginning to push the food around aimlessly.

"Jensen, eat up. It'll help you get warm and you need the energy," Clay ordered. Once Jensen was eating, Clay asked him for the details of the communication with mission control. What he heard next wasn't what he'd been expecting at all.

"They're not coming."

Pooch and Roque both looked up with gasps of disbelief, but it was Clay who asked, "What do you mean they're not coming. Not coming closer?"

"Not coming at all or at least not until the weather conditions improve. The chopper can't get into the mountains in this weather. Too cold and visibility is too low for them to safely maneuver. We're on our own until the weather front disperses and we've just got to 'hole up and make it through'."

"You're fucking kidding me!" Roque exclaimed.

"No," came the bland response from Jensen.

"Fuck that! Get your gear back on, we're gonna make another call!" Clay insisted, already our from under the sleeping bag beside Cougar and pulling his own layers on.

* * *

With Jensen and Clay outside searching for a signal, Pooch moved back to try and rouse Cougar again, hoping to be able to get him conscious and able to eat and drink something that would help to warm him further. With an unresponsive Cougar in his arms still hoping the shared body heat would go some way to warming the sniper, he looked up at Roque and said, "We're fucked if they don't get us out of here . . . Cougs is . . ."

"Don't say it," Roque said. "Don't even think it . . ." Silence fell between them before Roque added, "If they're not coming, you know what his best chance is?" Pooch looked up, confusion clear. "Getting bitten, like Jensen."

Pooch couldn't believe what he was hearing, "You've got to be kidding me!"

"No. Think about it. Since Jensen's been bitten, right from the first time, every time he gets hurt or sick, his temperature goes up . . . no chance of hypothermia if we can get his temperature up somewhere near normal. Also, every time, right from the beginning, Jensen's injuries heal faster than anyone else's. I mean he goes into the change with a dislocated knee and comes out the other side with a fuckin' bruise!"

Pooch shook his head, giving Roque a look of utter disgust, "Yeah and we also come back from a long weekend's leave to find Jensen has tried to fucking pickle his internal organs in alcohol because he's just this close," he held up his finger and thumb close together, "to suicide! I can't think of anything worse than putting Cougar through that same shit!"

"Wouldn't be like that though, would it? Think about it . . . We'd already know what to expect. He'd already know what to expect. Hell, he's been closer to Jensen through all of this shit than the rest of us. And . . . and he'd have Jensen . . ."

"You're a fucking idiot, bro." Pooch shook his head, turning his full attention back to Cougar. It took him a moment to realize that Cougar's eyes were open, watching the exchange although the pain in them was clear. "Hey, Coug . . ." Pooch waited for Cougar's eyes to slowly track back from Roque to him. "I need you to drink some of this," he lifted the canteen of water he'd propped near the fire to Cougar's lips.

A few sips later and Cougar coughed, spluttering water out. Pooch took the canteen away from his mouth, giving him time to calm, to draw a pained breath and for Roque to come closer to them both, needing to check over Cougar for himself. Pooch lifted the canteen back up for Cougar to drink again, thankful for the few sips that he managed.

He was exhausted, unable to even lift his head to look around, but his eyes roved over the cave as far as they could and he murmured, "Jensen? Where's Jensen?"

"Ssssh," Pooch said softly, as Cougar began to cough again. "He's with Clay, they're trying to get through to Command to get us all out of here." Cougar's eyes closed again, pain clear on his face and it took him a few breaths before he could open them again.

"How bad?" Cougar's voice was a harsh whisper, barely heard over the crackle of the fire that Roque was building up again, in the hope of providing extra warmth.

"The weather?" Pooch asked. "It's not looking good at the moment. No tropical heat waves any time soon."

"Me," Cougar was clearly trying to put weight behind his words.

Pooch sighed, "You'll be fine, bro. A little R and R and you'll be as good as new."

Cougar quirked an eyebrow. "Liar." He closed his eyes again and the cave fell silent except for the sound of the fire and the wind outside. Roque and Pooch waited in silence, eyes meeting in concern as Pooch shifted Cougar's weight against him trying to settle his own back against a nearby rock for added support. Roque looked down at his watch, frowning and shaking it before giving up.

"Not working?" Pooch asked.

"Must have smashed it when we fell," he said resigned. "Fuck! Where are they? How long does it take to find a signal and call in support?"

Cougar gasped in pain as he seemed to wake again. "Jensen?"

"Soon, Coug, he'll be back soon," Pooch reassured again. "Roque, pass my sleeping bag and . . ."

Roque looked sadly at him, knowing that the likelihood of another sleeping bag on top of everything they'd already got piled over Cougar making any difference was minimal, but he awkwardly moved over to Pooch's pack and retrieved the bag before carefully coming back to wrap it around the two men, listening as Cougar mumbled something unintelligible in Spanish. "Still think Jensen's his best bet for getting through this."

* * *

Clay's mood was black as he stormed back into the cave, wrenching his outer layers off angrily before he noticed the way Cougar was now propped against Pooch. He registered how Pooch was tipping a canteen up for Cougar to sip. He looked at Roque and saw the concern in his eyes as Cougar coughed again and panted for breath.

As Cougar finally calmed again, his eyes settled on Clay and he murmured, "Jensen . . ."

Clay came to his side, kneeling down beside him. "Hey soldier, take it easy there. Jensen's on his way back in. He'll be here soon, I promise."

Cougar moaned and tried to shift his position, but Pooch kept him steady. Cougar lifted his eyes to Clay again and whispered, "Keep Jensen safe. Look out for him. He . . ." He began to cough again.

"Hey, Cougs. Don't start with that bullshit. We're getting you out of here. Jensen isn't going to accept anything less! Don't you go giving up on us," Clay admonished, trying to hide his concern at how bad Cougar's condition was.

"Don't lie," Cougar closed his eyes and seemed to fall asleep again.

Clay looked at Pooch, saw his grim expression and huffed an angry breath. He looked over at Roque, nodded towards the back of the cave and waited for Roque to agree, holding out a hand for Clay to pull him up and support him as they made their way away from Cougar and Pooch. It wasn't exactly secluded but without going back outside it was the most privacy they were going to get.

"So . . .?" Roque asked, settling himself down on a stony outcrop.

"Like Jensen said, they're not coming." Clay's voice was quiet as he sat down alongside. "Weather's too bad . . . the forecast . . . fuck! The forecast is that it's going to be days before it clears enough for them to get to the original pick up point and even longer before they can get any closer."

"How many days?"

Clay looked over his shoulder at Cougar for a moment. "Too many for him and . . . maybe too many for us as well."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Food, water, heat, you name it, Roque . . . We've got MREs for two days . . . they're looking at a minimum of five before they can get to the original rendezvous. Jensen changed away from the full moon . . . we know that takes a lot more energy out of him and the only way we're going to make it to that pick up point is if he changes again to guide us unless conditions really improve. We can melt snow for water, but we haven't got that much wood stock piled, we'll have to go out and fetch more. Finding stuff to eat out there . . . it's going to be hard work, you're not up to it. Jensen's going to be exhausted. That leaves Pooch and me to find enough for all of us. And then Cougar's . . . Cougar's . . . This is going to be a close call for the rest of us, let alone him."

"Cougar's best chance is for Jensen to bite him!" Roque repeated what he'd said to Pooch earlier, not overly surprised to get a similar response from Clay as he plowed ahead explaining his reasoning. He saw the point Clay understood his thinking; his CO didn't like it but he was willing to accept it.

"Jensen isn't going to go for it," Clay said, bluntly.

"So we convince Cougar . . . seriously if Cougar's the one to ask him, he'll at least think about it. Where is the kid anyway?"

Clay looked back at the cave entrance, suddenly aware of just how long it had been without Jensen coming back into the cave. "Fuck! That idiot is going to be the death of me!" He pulled himself back up, offering his hand to Roque and helping him back to the fire before heading for the cave entrance and peering out into the blizzard beyond for any sign of Jensen. He didn't expect what he found . . . a pile of Jensen's clothes weighed down by his boots so they didn't blow away. Fuming he stepped outside, grabbed the clothes, brought them back in and dumped them by the fire.

"Don't! Don't say a damn thing, because I swear I'm going to kill him when he comes back. I'm going to fucking kill him!" Clay raged.

* * *

Clay spent the next half hour pacing the length of the cave, pausing each time he reached the entrance to look out in the hope of seeing Jensen, but there was nothing. Giving up, he collapsed beside the fire with his head in his hands.

"Jensen wouldn't have just run off . . . he must have a plan," Pooch insisted. Clay lifted his head wearily to look at him and shrugged. He didn't have any more answers, no suggestions. He was already losing one team member, might have lost Jensen already and was going to be lucky to get Roque and Pooch out of there alive. He'd failed utterly and at this rate he wouldn't even be able to make whoever was responsible pay for their fuck-up.

There was the sound of movement outside the cave and a moment or two later a wolf stood framed in the door. He waited a moment then lowered himself to a submissive pose on the threshold. He dropped something just inside the cave and waited. Clay held out his hand and said, "Come on, Jensen. Come here." The wolf whined, nudged what he had carried with him and then turned away again vanishing back into the blizzard.

Clay pushed himself up again and went to see what the wolf had brought in. Two scrawny looking rabbits lay in a heap. Clay let out a huff, then bent and picked up the rabbits, walking back and passing them to Roque. "Keep yourself busy," he said, wandering back to the entrance and looking out again, in the hope of seeing Jensen and calling him back in from the cold.

When he finally gave up and returned to the fireside, Pooch said, "I told you. Jensen wouldn't have just run away."

Clay sighed.

* * *

By the time Jensen returned a second time with another two rabbits, he was clearly exhausted. He stood at the cave entrance for a moment or two, then limped wearily over to Roque and dropped the two rabbits beside him. He staggered a pace or two further as Clay leapt up and over to his side, guiding him to the fireside and coaxing him into lying down. The wolf struggled to try and get back up but had no strength left and so after a moment or two, he slumped completely to the ground and soon fell asleep.

"Jensen is an idiot in both forms," Roque said, picking up the first of the rabbits and regarding its scrawny form. "You know if he turned Cougar, Cougar could kick some sense into him when he's in this form as well."

"Not my call," Clay said wearily.

"Well, somebody's going to have to make it their goddamned call!" Roque insisted. "It's not a game we're playing here, Clay."

"No, it's not . . . That's the point, Roque, don't you get it?" Clay reached out to settle the wolf as he stirred and seemed to be trying to pull himself awake. "Sssh! Sleep, Jensen," he said softer, frowning at Roque, who kept quiet until the wolf seemed to have fallen back into a deeper sleep. "Just keep your voice down . . . if he's spent that long out hunting after the day we've had and that's all he's come up with, he must be fuckin' exhausted. You need me to check you over?"

"No, I'm as good as . . ." he didn't bother finishing, instead watching as Clay moved over to check on Cougar and then got Jensen's clothes and laid them down next to the wolf beside the fire so they would be as warm as possible when he changed back. Before he settled down again, Clay brought some more wood for the fire, building it up so it would burn through the night and keep the cave as warm as possible. They were lucky the worst of the wind was blowing parallel to the cave entrance so they were protected from most of the draught and they'd covered as much of the entrance as they could to further conceal and protect their small haven. "Get some sleep," Clay said to Roque, only to have him refuse and insist that Clay sleep first since he'd already caught a couple hours earlier.

Clay nodded, pulled his kit closer and settled his head onto it as a pillow, trying to get at least a couple of hours sleep and hoping that when he woke up he'd either have a better idea of what to do or their situation would have improved somehow.

* * *

They'd changed the watch a few hours later and now Clay was trying to keep his eyes open as he guarded his team mates. There was no noise inside the cave but the crackle of the still burning fire and the snuffle and snore of his sleeping soldiers and wolf. Outside the wind still howled through the pass and the snow swirled wildly as it continued to fall. Clay had stood at the cave entrance for a while watching it, praying that it would stop at the same time as he admired its beauty. He'd hoped the cold would keep him awake, but the warmth inside the cave soon lulled him again once he sat back down.

He was drifting, his mind sweeping out over all the possibilities when he heard the first crack and shift. He hadn't even realized that Jensen was awake, which was quickly followed by the thought that maybe he hadn't been . . . before. He glanced briefly over his shoulder, before turning away and reaching for his own sleeping bag.

Moments passed and there was a small groan of discomfort that sounded all Jensen. Taking hold of the sleeping bag, Clay turned and threw it over the young soldier beside him who was lying with his eyes closed, naked beside the fire. As the bag settled over him, Jensen's eyes opened and he let out a quiet, but pained moan. Clay moved closer. "Jensen, you okay?" he asked, his voice quiet hoping not to disturb the others.

"Uh-huh," came the response from under the bag. "Gimme a . . . minute," he wheezed.

Clay sat back, eyes falling on Jensen's clothes and pulling them closer to the man beside him. "Your clothes are here, I kept them beside the fire so they should hopefully be warm."

"Great," Jensen still hadn't emerged from under the covers. "Just so you know, I fuckin' hate the cold."

"I'm with you there." Clay smiled, thankful that with that remark at least he had the reassurance that Jensen was okay, or as okay as was possible given their circumstances.

A minute or so later, Jensen's hand reached out from under the sleeping bag and began to pat around as if searching for his clothes by touch alone. Clay let a small chuckle escape before pushing the pile directly into the line of movement. There was a grunt which Clay took to be either relief or thanks before the top couple of items vanished under the covers. There was a fair amount of squirming going on before Jensen's hand appeared again and snagged something else from the pile. He emerged from under the sleeping bag after pulling the second selection of clothing on as well. He wasn't dressed and what he had managed to pull on was skewed and tangled but with a little disgruntled twisting and turning he got himself straightened out and the rest of his clothes pulled on. "Well, it's warmer in here than I thought it would be," he said bluntly, finally turning to look at Clay. "I don't think my balls have recovered yet from changing outside before."

"You okay? You were pretty wrecked when you made it back here. Did you spend all that time out there hunting for those rabbits?"

"Not exactly . . . I tried to get the lay of the land, make sure they couldn't track us . . . see if there was an easier way out on foot . . . anything closer to civilisation wise. The rabbits, well, I kind of took the opportunity to catch them when it presented itself . . . figured we haven't really got enough to make the next few days easy."

"We'll manage if we have to . . . speaking of which I don't know how good it'll taste but I left your portion from earlier by the fire to keep warm."

"Oh yum!" Jensen said sarcastically. "You do know that if I wasn't actually starving and if we weren't gonna be short on rations, I wouldn't bother eating it." He sighed, "This whole thing is a fuckin' mess. Clay – we were set up . . . that's the only explanation. Everything I found, every file I hacked . . . they were all gone when I got there . . . It's like . . . there was one hint, just a little trace that made me think that what I was working on today was the real system, but because I'd done all that work before I should have been able to get into the system easier. I got through some of the blocks but we didn't have time for me to get through everything."

"Jensen, I'm not holding you responsible, let's be clear on that. I gave you the company file, you used the information they gave us and you did your job well. If we were set up, there was nothing you could have done. You going back to sleep when you've finished that?"

Jensen shook his head, ignoring Clay's frown, "I'll take next watch."

"No!" Clay said firmly. "You're not taking a watch tonight. You've been on your feet, you have done a hell of a lot more than the rest of us and you've had . . ." He glanced at his watch, "You've had barely an hour's sleep and you've been changing back and forth. Jensen, you are not rested. I am ordering you to get some rest because I am going to need you pulling your weight over the next few days. Let's be honest here, if we're going to make it to the original pick up point, we're probably going to need you in wolf form to help us, unless there's a dramatic improvement in conditions."

"I'll be fine."

"It's not negotiable, Jensen. Now why don't we wake Pooch and you take a stint with Cougar? Might help you relax a bit."

"No!" Jensen stood up, backing away. Clay rose, stepping forward into his space. "No!" Jensen said again. Jensen tried to force his way past, but Clay pushed him backward, grimacing as the younger man's foot hit a pebble and he slipped, sitting down suddenly as the air whooshed out of him. Jensen was breathing heavily but he wouldn't look up and didn't say anything else.

"Jensen," the single word was croaked, barely more than a whisper but with nothing but the crackle of the fire, the whistle of the wind and Jensen's panting breath, it was starkly loud in the cave.

Jensen drew his shoulders up as if to ignore it. "Jensen, please." Jensen was biting his lip when he finally lifted his head and turned to look at Cougar. His eyes were tear-filled as he finally gave in and crawled over to the injured man.

Cougar lifted his hand to Jensen's cheek, thumb coasting softly and brushing away the first tear to break free. Jensen didn't say a word, but when Cougar stretched his arm a little further and let his hand slip round to the back of Jensen's head, Jensen allowed himself to be pulled closer, letting his head fall to rest against Cougar's stomach as the older man sifted fingers through his hair and murmured softly, "Descansa, mi amor." (1)

"I can't," Jensen's voice was tight, his control on the verge of breaking. "I can't rest. . . If I do something . . . there's got to be something . . . I can't . . . I need you, Coug, don't die, please. Don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere. No voy a dejarte, nunca." (2)

Jensen's control broke and the younger man sobbed into Cougar's chest as the sniper held him close, a shake of his head keeping Clay back. "Sssh," he soothed. Cougar felt as Jensen brought himself back under control, kept his hand buried in Jensen's hair and kept the younger man close and tight, determined not to let go for anyone.

It wasn't long though before Jensen was pulling away, scrubbing at his face as he muttered apologies, not meeting Cougar's eyes, although he stayed close enough for Cougar to keep one hand resting on Jensen's back. He took a few deep breaths before muttering another sorry and finally looking up at Cougar.

Cougar gave him a slow, tired smile, surprised when Jensen said, "I – I can't find a way out of here. I went looking. . ."

Clay looked like he was about to butt in, but Cougar got there first, "Jensen, we all know you've done all you can. More. This is not your fault."

"But –" Jensen started again. "You're . . ."

"Roque had an idea," Cougar said quietly. Clay's eyes widened and he opened his mouth but again, Cougar's quiet whisper beat him. "Jensen . . . you're right. I'm not getting out of here like this and they're not coming to find us but you can save me."

"Me? How? What?"

"Bite me." There was a stunned silence. Jensen just stared unable to make sense of what Cougar had just said to him. The silence drew out and Jensen shook his head as if that would clear his mind of the words that Cougar had said.

"Bite me," Cougar said again. "Save me."

Jensen blinked, a tear fell free and his eyes snapped shut. Cougar's hand rubbed a soothing circle on Jensen's back. It took Jensen a few minutes to answer. With a shake of his head, he reached out a hand to tangle it in Cougar's hair, leaning in closer to kiss Cougar's temple and then his lips as he murmured, "You don't want that . . . you don't want to be like this."

"If it means I get to keep you, then I do want it." The pain was clearly taking a toll again on Cougar as he struggled to keep his words clear, his hand holding Jensen close.

"Coug . . ."

"I want it, Jensen, please. . . You'll be there with me, you'll make it all easier for me. Yo quiero esto. Quiero estar contigo para siempre." (3) Cougar felt Jensen's tears fall on his cheek and his neck and then with a final tender kiss, Jensen was pulling away. He didn't look at anyone, even though he knew he was the center of attention. There was no way Roque and Pooch hadn't woken up to hear at least part of their conversation, even if they hadn't heard everything.

He turned away as he started to shed his clothes, moving closer to the cave entrance with each piece he shed. "Jensen . . . " It was Pooch's voice that broke the silence. "Don't go outside . . . You can change here with us."

Jensen's voice was choked, but he didn't look around, "You don't understand . . . you . . ."

"Stay," Pooch said softly, "You're one of us and . . . it doesn't change that. If it helps you, we'll look away, but you don't have to go outside in that."

Jensen braced himself against the wall as he nodded. "I-if this doesn't work, if I can't save Cougar?" he asked.

Clay stepped up behind him, laying a warm hand over his neck and pulling the younger man close, "Then we know you did everything you could and more than anyone had any right to ask. If you don't at least try, then you will always live with the question 'what if I had done what he asked' . . ."

Jensen took a few deep breaths before, whispering an apology and calling forth the wolf within.

The wolf staggered to its feet, immediately after the change, limping awkwardly over to where Cougar lay, burrowing his nose underneath Cougar's hand and breathing in deeply. Cougar's fingers twitched, rubbing behind his ear as the wolf breathed in Cougar's scent and seemed to settle.

"Te amo, Jensen, siempre." (4) Cougar's words were soft but seemed to be all the wolf needed to stir himself into action. He stood up, stepping over Cougar's legs to straddle the injured sniper. The wolf looked deep into Cougar's eyes and seemed to find what he was looking for there. He moved closer, nudging at Cougar's clothes to expose his neck and shoulder. There was a pause and then Jensen licked the area gently. As Cougar sighed, he set his mouth to the place he'd just licked and bit down.

* * *

**Spanish to English translations**

(1) Rest, my love.

(2) I'm not going to leave you, not ever.

(3) I want this. I want to be with you forever.

(4) I love you, Jensen, always.


	9. Epilogue  Thanksgiving 2015

**Epilogue - The Week of Thanksgiving 2015**

_"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." (Maria Robinson)_

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* * *

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Clay kicked back on the porch, balancing precariously on the back two legs of the chair as he swung his feet up to rest on the porch railing before taking a long pull from the beer bottle in his hand and relishing the quiet after the shouting of the previous day and the tears of that morning, but now it looked like all would be well.

So much had changed over the last couple of years. Roque had gone . . . dead and, after the betrayal, Clay couldn't bring himself to be sorry. They were all out of the army now, but at least justice had been theirs. They'd exposed Max and everything that he'd done. They'd been cleared and had their positions reinstated, only to promptly hand in their papers together and it was just a matter of time before they had all left the Army as a team, just like they'd been for so long. Aisha was gone, vanished back into the woodwork for now at least and somehow, bizarrely, Clay was relieved.

It had been hard to keep Cougar and Jensen's status as wolves a secret with her around, but they'd managed it. For the most part it was thanks to Cougar. The sniper had taken to being a wolf with far greater ease than Jensen, not that Clay held any of that against Jensen. Cougar's change had been different in so many ways. They'd known what they were getting into, Cougar had known to an extent what to expect and from the beginning he had not fought it.

Jensen had guarded him protectively in both forms for months; still did, although Cougar clearly didn't need it. Cougar's acceptance of his wolf had let Jensen finally begin to fully accept his own, to stop fighting the other side of himself.

Thinking of which, Clay smiled to himself as the two wolves appeared on the grass between him and the surrounding woodland, gambolling and chasing each other like puppies. Cougar's wolf was beautiful, maybe not quite as much as Jensen's; in wolf form he was darker, sleek and elegant, but he exuded a confidence that Jensen was only just beginning to find. That was so much like the two men in their human forms as well.

For so long they'd all thought of Jensen's incessant rambling as annoying and frustrating, never realizing that it was just layer upon layer of self-protection kicking in to hide Jensen's own lack of confidence. Now Clay could hear the difference in the rambles; the ones when Jensen was just drawing attention away from what he was really thinking and feeling and the ones when he was trying to lift spirits.

Cougar was the one who had discovered they could change back to human during the full moon. He described it as being uncomfortable and when they had needed to do it, both of them had invariably been irritable and snapping at the slightest little thing when they'd had to keep their human form for the whole day, but it had kept them safe during their time with Aisha and both of them had always slunk off before sunset to change and relax.

When it had all been over, Jensen and Cougar had bought this place right out in the countryside, miles from anyone. Over the past months they'd gradually done it up, bit by bit; Clay figured it was still what you would call a Work in Progress, but month by month it was more and more comfortable and always a home.

Clay thought back over the last twenty four hours. Cougar and Jensen had invited everyone up this week for Thanksgiving. Pooch had called Clay in advance to warn Clay that it was a full moon and maybe there was more to the invitation than the two men were saying. It wasn't that the invitations were uncommon, Clay knew Pooch, Jolene and their little one often came up to visit as did Jensen's sister and his niece, but he also knew that he and Pooch were the only ones to ever have visited at full moon. The invitation had been for a full week's vacation and neither Pooch nor Clay were willing to leave the two men to face Jensen's sister alone.

They had eaten well the first night there, a Cougar speciality and then put the children to bed. Drinks had flowed for a while although Jensen and Cougar had barely touched their own. Every time he'd passed, Cougar had let a hand fall to Jensen's shoulder or wrist. Eventually he'd sat back down alongside Jensen and had taken his hand. There had been a cackle of glee as Jensen's sister had laughingly said, "So you about to tell us you two are getting married or something?"

Jensen had paled and swallowed, a look of impending nausea on his face as he'd denied the accusation before launching into a much curtailed explanation of how he and Cougar were wolves during the full moon.

Jensen's sister's expression had changed first to one of disbelief and incredulity, then anger before she'd screamed at him for being a bastard and stormed out of the room. Jensen had looked heartbroken for a moment before heading for the screen door that lead outside, closely followed by Cougar.

Clay had sighed and started to say he would go and try to reason with Jensen's sister but Jolene had stopped him, telling him to give her a little time to calm down. Instead she'd insisted on them telling her the whole story. Jolene had accepted it, grateful for the times that Jensen had protected and saved her husband, she'd been heartbroken to hear of Jensen's struggle, irritated that he'd had to keep it a secret from his own family, that he'd had no one to help him deal with it beyond the incompetent men in the room with her. She knew that they would have protected him with their lives, just as he would do for them, but the only one of them who was really capable of dealing intelligently with the emotions Jensen would have had, was Cougar and she knew full well with Cougar that it probably wouldn't have involved a huge amount of talking.

"Is that when they got together?" she asked.

"Not straightaway, but after a while, yeah. Guess Cougar had felt that way for a while," Clay added, knowing full well that Cougar had kept his feelings hidden for a long time.

"So Cougar's a wolf too . . . how did that happen?"

They'd told her the truth about the mountain pass, about the way they'd all have died if it weren't for Jensen's wolf and about Cougar's plea and how it had broken Jensen for a while, but that Cougar had probably helped him work through it. Typical men, she had figured that even now they couldn't see the truth that what had healed Jensen's soul was the love he shared with Cougar.

With the story over, she'd nodded and stood, saying she was going to see Cougar and Jensen and then she would be the one to talk to Jensen's sister and if either of them so much as thought about moving she'd make them very sorry.

She'd found Jensen and Cougar outside on the steps, Jensen sitting between Cougar's legs, leaning back against the older man as Cougar murmured reassurances in his ear. She'd gone and sat herself down beside them. Jensen started to pull himself more upright as if to move away from Cougar. She stopped him and then leant in to press a kiss to Cougar's temple before reaching for Jensen's hand and beginning to talk. She'd told him how sorry she was for how he'd been turned and how much he'd had to suffer because of it, but how glad she was that it had happened because of all the good that he'd done in saving the rest of his team over and over again. She'd told him she was thankful that he'd turned Cougar as well and that they could be together and that she loved them as her family, just the same as she'd done the day before, the week before and she would in the months and years to come.

She'd asked if she could see the wolves when they turned and they'd agreed that after the change they would come back to the house since she wanted to see them both and see how handsome they were. Cougar had smirked at that, tightening his hold on Jensen. Cougar had listened and heard her out, stopping Jensen's attempts at interrupting, knowing that Jensen needed this acceptance in case his sister's never came. Jensen needed this love to heal the parts that were still damaged by how long he'd fought his wolf and felt isolated and a burden to others. Jensen still needed to hear that he was a good man and that he could live without the fear of becoming a monster like the man who'd turned him.

Jolene had then wrapped her arms as far round them both as she could and promised that she would talk to Jensen's sister, because she was sure that all would be well. Then she'd leant in and kissed Jensen's cheek before standing up and tapping the brim of Cougar's hat so it dropped forward over his eyes, before toppling off his head to land in Jensen's lap and with a quiet, "You're still my boys, whatever happens," she'd slipped back into the house to find the other woman.

None of the men really knew what Jolene had said to Jensen's sister, but when she'd appeared later that evening, eyes still red-rimmed, the glares had been for Clay and Pooch instead of Cougar and Jensen. She'd gone outside to find her brother and there had been no raised voices, but all three seemed subdued when they came back in a short while later.

The party had broken up for the evening soon after and they had each headed for their own beds.

Jensen had been up early and headed out before anyone but Cougar got up in the morning and Cougar had been outside in the barn when the others finally made their way downstairs. The children had been excited as always and had gone out hunting for Cougar and Jensen. Cougar had brought them back to the house ready to make everyone breakfast reassuring them all that Jensen had just gone to do some errands. Jolene had ushered him away from the kitchen saying that she would cook breakfast and so he and the children had set the table before the others had come in to eat.

Jensen made it back before lunch, greeted on the steps by Cougar as he climbed from the car. Cougar reassured him that his sister was still there but was worried that the disagreement the day before was why he'd gone out this morning. She'd shut herself into the den and had left Clay and Pooch to look after both children. She'd talked to both Cougar and Jolene for a while but what she really needed was her little brother to set her heart at rest.

Jensen had nodded and headed for the den to join her, the bag he'd brought back from his trip still in his hand. He knocked on the door then stood in the doorway waiting for her to look at him. Her eyes were tear-filled as she'd apologized over and over again wrapped in his arms where he'd come to sit next to her, promising that it wasn't really him she was angry at that it was the army, the situation, the need for it to have been secret so long, the amount he'd had to suffer alone.

He held her until she calmed, whispering his own apologies into her hair and they'd clung to each other like they'd done so often when they were younger. Finally with them both calm, he'd reached for the bag he'd brought with him and offered it to her.

"Last time, I pissed you off this much was when I enlisted," he said quietly. "When you finally forgave me, we watched this together . . ." She pulled Lord of the Rings from the bag and smiled, eyes damp again but this time with love and affection. "We won't get through it all before . . . I change tonight but . . . we've got the whole week and . . . and maybe . . ."

"Yeah, we can watch it together, Jay." She'd pulled him in closer for another hug. "Maybe we should make lunch and round up everyone who wants to watch with us."

They'd spent the afternoon watching the first part of the trilogy, with Jensen on the floor at his sister's feet, her hand toying constantly with his hair, the tension between them gradually easing as the movie went on.

* * *

The door creaked open behind Clay and he saw Jensen's sister and Jolene standing there with Pooch just behind them. This was the first time the two women would have seen the wolves and right now the two of them were chasing each other, nipping at each other and barging into each other as they each tried to exert a little power over the other.

"Hey ladies," Clay said quietly. "Why don't you come and sit down? They'll calm down in a bit once they've let off a bit of steam. They'll probably come over to investigate then."

"God, they're gorgeous!"

Pooch smiled and wrapped his arms around his wife, grateful for her reaction and hoping that it would help ease Jensen's sister's way to accepting them both.

She moved forward, leaning against the railing as she stared in amazement at the two of them playing together, her eyes following each movement they made. "They're amazing," she whispered. She turned to Clay, "I'm not sure that I can forgive you for your part in this, in the secret and making him suffer all that for so long alone but I love him, even like this. He's still my little brother."

"We – I thought we were protecting you, keeping you safe, the longer no one found out the safer I thought I could keep him."

She nodded and turned back to watch the wolves. "Which one is Jensen?"

"Can't you tell?" Pooch laughed as Cougar made a sneaky move and caught Jensen by surprise pinning him down before licking his muzzle and then getting off again, his attention suddenly turning to the porch.

"Is that Cougar?" she asked the question tentatively.

"Yeah, he's as sneaky like that as he is when he's human!" Pooch explained fondly. "Here they come, just don't worry, okay? It's still just Jensen." He issued the warning as Jensen's attention followed that of Cougar and as he realized that everyone was out on the porch, he bounded to his feet and began a full on run towards them.

Cougar yipped behind him and Jensen glanced back over his shoulder before skidding to a halt at the bottom of the steps. He waited there, tilting his head to one side while he watched the people above him. Then with great care, he climbed the steps and eased his way past everyone else to his sister's side, pressing his nose into her hand. She held her breath, looking at Pooch and Clay for guidance. "He won't hurt you," Pooch said. "You can touch him."

She let her hand drift up to stroke gently between his ears and he pressed in closer. "He's kind of affectionate," she laughed.

"He's Jensen," Clay said. "Don't expect too much that's different, apart from the quiet. That takes a bit of getting used to."

She sat down back against the porch railing and Jensen followed her flopping down alongside and letting his head drop onto her stomach while she carried on stroking and petting him. They were joined a few moments later by Cougar, who stood alongside Jensen watching them with approval before sitting down beside Jensen and letting his head drop onto Jensen's back.

* * *

_**Author's Note : **Thank you for reading, sticking with what became a really huge story. The original aim was to write a story of about 5,000 words but, once I got going, to do the original prompt justice it needed more. It was a first in so many ways - I'd not tried writing anything more than comment fics for the Losers before and I've never tried to write a story in which a major character would be a werewolf or anything similar. Here's hoping you all enjoyed it enough not to think it was awful. Thanks to those people who commented previously, your kind comments are much appreciated._


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